Problem with PUA culture: transactionality of the relationship

[StarStruck]

Almost all healthy human relationships are transactional (something of value exchanged for something else of value). The problem is when you focus on the transaction and not on the dignity and humanity of the person. This happens when you treat the other person or yourself as tool. If we use a person as we would use a thing, instead of extending our being, we degrade that person and ourselves.

[LastThursday]

I couldn't agree more. A lot of the humanity's problems stem from treating other people as objects rather than divine beings like you yourself. Sometimes we don't even realise we're doing it, we have to be vigilant at all times.

Edited January 27, 2023 by LastThursday

[StarStruck]

28 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

I couldn't agree more. A lot of the humanity's problems stem from treating other people as objects rather than divine beings like you yourself. Sometimes we don't even realise we're doing it, we have to be vigilant at all times.

You don't stand above it though, would you accept a 60 year old as your life partner?

[StarStruck]

14 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

He doesn't have to be physically attracted to her in order to see her as the human being she is, with dignity and humanity. Not everything is about sex romantic relationships and attraction. 

Between friendships even age gap relationship there is some transactionality. If you I can pick apart one of your relationships. 

[RedLine]

What prevents you from doing pick up an treat woman humanly at the same time? don´t get your point

[Leo Gura]

Most pickup guys objectify women, it's just easier to get lots of sex that way.

[LastThursday]

12 hours ago, StarStruck said:

You don't stand above it though, would you accept a 60 year old as your life partner?

Yes. You? I'm not sure of your point though.

Transactionality is built into human relations, reciprocality being the main driver, as you mentioned. You're right that we do use each other to get our needs met, but that can be done without objectification or just using others as a means to an end.

In terms of pickup, as soon as you approach, both parties generally understand what is going on - there's a transactional aspect to it. But, whatever occurs, you can have a mindset whereby you treat the other person as you would want yourself treated: as a person with a history, a family, friends and their own fears and insecurities, and their own thoughts. If you do that, then it puts a different complexion on the interaction.

Pickup (aka talking to people you find attractive), is not bad in itself. It's just the heavy emphasis on manipulation techniques, scatter gun approach, and a degree of potential harrassment, that's off. Even the name is suggestive of taking an "object". But that's my personal opinion.

Edited January 28, 2023 by LastThursday