Kore's Journal

[Kore]

Development and insights. 

[Kore]

I've discovered a productivity app goldmine called "Norbu".  It uses calming and alerting exercises similar to sensory modulation to help you with shifting into a state conducive to productivity and uses a scale to measure before the exercise to gauge your level of stress or willingness to take action.  It also has a gratitude journal where you can write about any action you take as a result of the exercises. 

It's really effective for emotional regulation, state shifting, and then journalling results.

I'm making a great deal of progress with the app 'Norbu'.  I'm learning about emotional and state regulation.  This is fantastic for my personal development along with my productivity.  I really feel like I'm healing and I mean it this time.  I completed all my habits this week and went on a long walk today, just by keeping close attention to my state of being, making sure I'm in a calm and alert state.  I supplement the app with other calming and alerting things (like music, meditations etc.) and with an app called "mind tracker" that helps me to measure my energy levels and mood throughout the day.  The measurement function is particularly useful to me in these apps as they teach me to become self-aware. 

[Kore]

Update: I woke up with momentum today from using the app "Norbu".  I don't usually wake up with momentum most days but today I woke up with momentum.  I'm still trying to figure out a system to put in place for optimal productivity for when I am calm and alert.  Should I be aiming for optimal productivity?  Or should I be aiming for something else?  I might look into the app 'Cheerly' some more as it has a nice balance between different areas in your life.  I can boost the state calm and alert with meditation.  

Edited January 26, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Update: Hit a wall all of a sudden.  Just wanted to sleep all of the time.  Lost my momentum and couldn't seem to get my alertness up no matter what as I was so tired, like I had excess calmness all of a sudden.  Extreme lethargy.  It's a symptom of chronic fatigue to suddenly be hit with a wall after a period of trying to be productive.  I will push through it and see if I can break through.  Perhaps I just need to become adapted over time.  I will try to be more gentle and kind toward myself.  

[Kore]

Note (What I've learned from sensory modulation classes and from this 'Norbu' app):

Too much calmness (breathing exercises for example) leads to lethargy. 

Too much alertness leads to stress

Calmness transforms stress into alertness

Alertness transforms lethargy into calmness

..

Alerting things:

Action (Activity induces the desire to take more action)

Intellectual stimulation (Reading, studying)

Stimulation in general (music)

 

Calming things:

Absorption, Observation

Distraction

Breathing

Edited January 27, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Update: I may make productivity secondary to emotional mastery and emotional goals.  I want to maximise a state of alertness and calmness, reach the pinnacle of flow or the vortex.  I want to milk the vortex.   And then be productive as a side venture.  

[Kore]

Update: To offset 'the wall' of sleepiness from chronic fatigue the answer is to slow down, repeat alerting activities, and to stay in motion (action breeds alertness).  Take general action ("Finished the task" in Norbu).  Complete tasks around you that you see need to be done.  Once the sleepiness has worn off than you can focus more so on state of being than on action. 

[Kore]

2 hours ago, Kore said:

Update: To offset 'the wall' of sleepiness from chronic fatigue the answer is to slow down, repeat alerting activities, and to stay in motion (action breeds alertness).  Take general action ("Finished the task" in Norbu).  Complete tasks around you that you see need to be done.  Once the sleepiness has worn off than you can focus more so on state of being than on action. 

Sometimes you have no choice but to sleep/nap it off.  Then afterwards take it more slow.  

[Kore]

Note:  I think I hit the wall of chronic fatigue because I prioritized action and productivity over my state of being.  You want to find the Well of Youth and Well-being.  There you will find your energy.  If you prioritize productivity, you'll quickly run out of energy.  So yeah, prioritize state of being (of calm and alert).  Milk the vortex.  Emotion goals/Emotional mastery. 

Edited January 28, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

 

[Kore]

My treatment order is being removed this week.  Not sure what to make of it.  Inside I'm jumping up and down for joy and near ecstacy.  The medication and order has limited my path.  Although there is no way I'm entering back into those realms without medication again.  It is a boon to my path, along with the doctors.  Hospitals, not so much.  

[Kore]

Before re entering into those realms again which I inevitably will I want to make sure I am in a stable, positive, well and meditative place.  That I am strong at my core.  I'll need a solid meditation practice.  

Edited June 3, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

But I don't need a cure for me
I don't need it
No, I don't need a cure for me
I don't need it
No, I don't need a cure for me

I don't like the tension, the misapprehensions
About our nature in love
The glorious teachers are no use for creatures
Who knows how to play with the gods

You got nerves, but they never show
Unless they hurt, so you blamed it all
On my love, the moving
Heart I got

But I don't need a cure for me
I don't need it
No, I don't need a cure for me
I don't need it
No, I don't need a cure for me
I don't need it
I don't need it

Hm, please, no cure for me
Please, no cure for me, cure for me
Cure for me, please, no cure for me, cure for me
Cure for me, please, no cure for me, cure for me, cure for me

[Kore]

Before entering the realms: 

- Stable accommodation 

- I have basic necessities, like phone, money, credit card, shoes, keys. 

- I have medication

- I have a doctor that I trust

- I have a solid support system

- I don't leave the house to go explore everywhere.  Inside is better.  

- I am possibly taking the pill (PMDD)

- I am stable and well

- I have a meditation practice

- I utilise sexual energy and no pmo.

Edited June 4, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

I think this is the missing piece in my path. Improving my cycles is directly tied to the stability I need when it comes to my disorder.  My condition would worsen off medication during pms tremendously and then improve drastically during non-pms.  It's like being thrown around like a ragdoll by your hormones.  There was no stability.  I think birth control or simply being mindful of practices that could assist me in improving PMDD could be the missing piece in my stability. I have to look at the areas in my life that are weak and lacking already on the medication before I even think about going off my medication and entering any realm.  PMDD is my weakest area. And either I'm going to cure my PMDD or I'm going to be on medication until I'm in menopause when PMDD is no longer an issue. 

Edited June 5, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

The Tortoise (a sign I see frequently): 

1. Stability 
2. Medication
3. Slow and steady wins the race
4. Part of The triad: Medication, stability, and giftedness
5. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
6. Wait
7. Find a cure for PMDD
8. Menopause.  Old age. Hekate.
9. Stability = no PMDD
10. Opposite: Going fast. The hare. The fool = prioritizing giftedness, not stability and medication in the triad. 
11. Wisdom
12. Patience

[Kore]

I went to the doctor today and got Yaz (US FDA approved birth control pill for PMDD).  I can say that it is a success. 

Things I've noticed from yaz (during pms): 

- beautiful 'energies'

- satisfaction

- warm feelings and thoughts

- no dark feelings and thoughts, or they don't stick or get out of control

- no anger

- everything is vibrant, alive and peaceful

- adjustment period

- processing, healing, healthy sadness and pain 

- mindful suffering

- higher pain tolerance level

- There's two worlds. The PMS and the yaz.  The yaz is a beautiful world.  The PMS is an ugly world.  Mostly there's just yaz.  The PMS is old momentum.  The yaz world is the now reality.  The PMS world is old news. It is passing away.  

Edited June 6, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

The duality of the tortoise and the hare:

"Part of your life is just gonna be looping and holding onto what you're already doing. But then part of your life should be exposure.  It should be like a turtle coming out of its shell, reaching its arms and head out of its shell, wanting to explore the world.  It's that's duality between hunkering down and opening up."

The order was the universe forcing me to become the turtle, hunkering down, mastering stability.  I have tendency to be the hare, exploring everything.  I need to lean toward the turtle in my endeavours.  Slow, steady, stable.

Edited June 8, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

The old world is falling away but is still largely present.  I have a lot of momentum backing the old world.  My relationships are improving.  My personality and yang energy is still present but it is balanced with yin and I am happier overall.  When the yang is constant it is grating.  My unhappiness sends out negative energy that creates negative attraction which is especially obvious with my 'disorder' which influences reality.

 

Edited June 9, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Who says journals with public accountability aren't useful?  I've already hammered out two major goals on my path within a week.  Plus I get the added bonus of resolving trauma through writing.  

Resolve PMDD and attain stability (tick)

Write a letter to psych (tick)

I'll send that letter to my psych (reworded) with a plea for full autonomy and intro.  

Edited June 9, 2023 by Kore