Becoming Superhuman

[Not me]

Ahh thank god today I will go see a neurologist. The pains are just intolerable. I'm unable to sleep at night and having hard time concentrating during the day. My mind is really worried that there's no solution to this and that I will keep experiencing  this for the rest of my life. There's also worry that I won't be able to attend the retreat. I really hope they will find some way to fix this. Today is my last exam. I didn't even care to study to it that much. I want to go to holiday already. 

Yesterday I watched Leo's latest video and started thinking that I haven't really been creating compelling visions about what do I want my future to be like. I started thinking about what do I want out of life and realized that the thing that fascinates me most at this moment is becoming highly conscious. It just seems like there's nothing quite like it. I don't have my full vision ready yet but I identified the first step I will need to take. It is that every time before I start doing something I briefly pause and ask myself why am I doing this. Then I bring the vision of how this thing will help me grow into my mind. Then I proceed to do the task. I think this should really help keep me in touch with my big vision. And of course I won't be doing this with every single task. Just the ones that are really important and the ones where I most need motivation.

 

Meditated for 30 minutes, ate 2400 calories, studied for one hour.

[Not me]

Okay the neurologist didn't find anything so at least I shouldn't have any neural issues. I think my bicep might be somehow torn because yesterday I tried to do muscle membrane relaxation and some stretching and soon after that my left bicep area got really sore and there was a lot pf pain there. I tried to put some cold gel there and it helped a little. I still don't understand why the pain radiates to every other part of my body but at least I'm one step closer to finding out. And also one step closer to relieving the pain. Since I'm going to the retreat tomorrow I won't be able to get any tests done before that. My mum said that if she has any pains they will always go away when she does a retreat. So we'll see what happens to me.

My exam week is over so is my period of focusing on studying. Now it's time to move to spirituality. I'm really excited about that.

Yesterday I ate 2000 calories and meditated for 20 minutes.

[Not me]

Aallriighttt last journal entry for a while. Yesterday I discovered a way I can remove the pain from my body. I just put a lot of cold gel on my left arm and almost all of the pain disappears. I don't even have headaches and most importantly I don't have to eat those painkillers like candy all the time. For the last couple of weeks there has been a lot of suffering every day. The pain has been so insane. I haven't really been talking about it that much here since I don't want to complain but having heartburn and crazy pains all the time has been difficult. So now I'm really relieved because there are at least some signs of healing.

Now I'm about to leave to the meditation retreat. I've done a lot of sports training camps so I kinda see this as a meditation training camp. We will wake up at 5 am there but it's not that bad because the retreat is in another country and the time zone is one hour less from our own so I only have to wake up one hour earlier than I usually do. Anyways I'm really excited. I don't have that much experience with retreats or sesshins but now it's a good time to get one in.

 

Yesterday I ate 2400 calories and meditated for 20 minutes. Now I won't be counting calories for the next two weeks but I will be eating moderately and very mindfully. 

I'll see you in two weeks!

[sarapr]

Hey you got very cute journals. your so much like me . It was real fun seeing life through your lenses.