Should I as a 21 year old female remain single until..

[Hibahere]

At 21 I have had my first shair of so called relationships which are more accurately called disappointments. Living in a third world country also comes as a handy surprise because I've come far in my actualization journey and will rarely find someone with the same mindset. Been through 2 serious relationships and others were disappointing flings. I am thinking of giving up but I will share my experience with you. 

 

And I would especially like to ask the single people, are you happy!? 

 

And those who have found the one, are yo happy, and what steps did you take? 

 

I recently got out of my most serious relationship with a guy I dated for 1.5 years. Its been four months and didn't even take a month to jump into another situationship. This guy I met was at uni, where I barely ever expect to meet good people because everyone is usually pathetic and short minded. My mind matches with barely anyone and most of my friendships are surface level. Anyhow, I know for a fact I manifested this guy into my reality. His mind matched mine, the time I spent with him was about 2 months and it was absolutely amazing, I thought I had found my soulmate all the while ignoring red flags. Everyone around him called him a fboy and acted weird around him. His best female friend tried to clear all my doubts and I was immediately persuaded by her and I thought the guy was my end all be all, she told me he wanted to marry me and what not. Anyways idk what happened yesterday but I lost interest in him. I ended it on a polite note, cried later out of the disappointment in love life..today is my exam and I'm still distracted. With a few bouts of regret and also dslespair I do get a good feeling that if I remain single for at least a year someone worthy of my time would come in. The guy did seem to tick 80 percent of the boxes however I still got a very strong gut wrenching intuition that something was off so I ended it. 

 

I'm at a stage in life where I wanna get out there, make countless friends, earn money, stand on my own 2 feet, actualize myself, and get to a healthy mental state and actually BECOME something but it all seems so hopeless idky. I have strong manifesting abilities and I've also lost hope in them. I'm at a dead end. Please advise .

Edited January 23, 2023 by Sincerity
Removed 30+ newlines for better readibility

[NoSelfSelf]

Im in a relationship with myself we are happy together

[Something Funny]

@Hibahere imagine being just 21 yo, having already been in multiple relationships and still complaining about your dating life and calling them "disappointments" when there are lots of people who have never even been in a single relationship until like 25-26 years old.

And even beyond that, most people don't find a "perfect" match for them jntil their 30s. Some never do and have to go through divorces, heartbreaks and other drama their whole lives.

Stop being so pessimistic,  you are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's entitled to think thaat you can just go and find your soulmate or whatever after a couple of tries by manifesting them.

54 minutes ago, Hibahere said:

I'm at a stage in life where I wanna get out there, make countless friends, earn money, stand on my own 2 feet, actualize myself, and get to a healthy mental state and actually BECOME something

So work on those things. Why obsess about dating so much? What is there so hopeless? You are young,  you are getting a higher education, you've found this goldmine of self-actualization content that is actualized.org

Cheer up and good luck on your journey 

[IDressMyDog]

19 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Im in a relationship with myself we are happy together

Same here uh

Me and myself have exactly the same taste and sense of humour too 

[LastThursday]

1 hour ago, Hibahere said:

I'm at a stage in life where I wanna get out there, make countless friends, earn money, stand on my own 2 feet, actualize myself, and get to a healthy mental state and actually BECOME something

It looks like you know exactly what you want. Go do it! Be true to yourself.

It's also the perfect time to experiment with lots of different things and people and not to tie yourself down too much. If your intuition told you the guy wasn't right for you, then it was the right decision, you will manifest other amazing people in your life in due course.

[Leo Gura]

I spent most of my 20's building my life. It was a great move.

At 21 years old what kind of relationship can you have? It's gonna be immature as hell, just for fun and practice. It's not even possible to have a relationship with a girl until she's at least 25, and that's being generous. 

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Im in a relationship with myself we are happy together

 

Genius right there.

That's why he's a Mod and you aren't

Edited January 23, 2023 by Leo Gura

[The Mystical Man]

Rowling didn't meet her husband until she was 36. She focused on doing her work. Give your life room to breathe.

[LastThursday]

28 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

At 21 years old what kind of relationship can you have? It's gonna be immature as hell

It's no different at 50. A friend of mine is constantly going "through the mill". What she doesn't realise is she's more emotionally mature than the men she dates and they end up pissing her off. She also doesn't realise her taste in men is immature. I don't have the heart to tell her.

[Leo Gura]

11 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

I don't have the heart to tell her.

I dare you

[Leo Gura]

11 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

It's no different at 50.

You are being way too pessemistic.

Of course there will be exceptions. But most girls learn their lesson long before 50. Lol. Your girl is just exceptionally dull.

[LastThursday]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

I dare you

You're definitely appealing to my monkey mind. But my higher self is resisting the temptation. Most people don't like being told "you're an idiot". I'd like to keep her as a friend.

Just now, Leo Gura said:

You are being way too pessemistic.

Of course there will be exceptions. But most girls learn their lesson long before 50. Lol. Your girl is just exceptionally dull.

Yeah I'm just mentioning it as a case study for dramatic effect.

I think I had a point somewhere... oh yeah, it's the converse of what I'm saying. Some 21 year olds, I'm sure, can have mature relationships relative to their age group. Definitely when I was 21 I felt quite mature and I had a ten year relationship, so it's not completely impossible. Was I immature as hell at 21, yes.

[Something Funny]

@LastThursday I don't want to sound to pessimistic butbif I was still alone buy the time I was 50, I would probably just say fuck it and enjoy being single for the rest of my life.

I always wanted to die alone anyway.

[LastThursday]

4 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

if I was still alone buy the time I was 50, I would probably just say fuck it and enjoy being single for the rest of my life.

My friend is never alone, she's always in a relationship! She just doesn't have lasting relationships.

Life doesn't end when you're 50, it ends when you die. Trust me when you reach 50, you'll feel no different. My grandmother remarried in her 80's ?‍♂️ 

If you want to die alone, then go for it! Whatever makes you happy.

[UDT]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not even possible to have a relationship with a girl until she's at least 25, and that's being generous. 

@Leo Gura When you grow together its possible

[Something Funny]

Just now, LastThursday said:

Life doesn't end when you're 50, it ends when you die. Trust me when you reach 50, you'll feel no different. My grandmother remarried in her 80's 

Yeah, I don't say that it does. I just don't know what is there to enjoy about relationships specifically at that age.

You are not that attractive anymore. You don't have much of a sex drive. You probably aree not feeling lonely or care for validation anymore at that point. 

But yeah, you are right, I am curious what my opinion will be when I am actually 50.

[Leo Gura]

22 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

You're definitely appealing to my monkey mind. But my higher self is resisting the temptation. Most people don't like being told "you're an idiot". I'd like to keep her as a friend.

You have a funny way of inverting reality.

It's monkey mind who wants to withhold the truth for sake of keeping a friend.

Sneaky, sneaky monkey!

Edited January 23, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

You ended it with him because of your gut feeling? Hm. Speak up. 

Sounds to me like you pushed away somebody good for no apparent reason. 

That gut feeling is something you need to meditate on. It could be just trauma who is hell bent on recreating trauma.  
 

Edited January 23, 2023 by StarStruck

[mr_engineer]

3 hours ago, Hibahere said:

Anyways idk what happened yesterday but I lost interest in him. I ended it on a polite note, cried later out of the disappointment in love life..today is my exam and I'm still distracted. With a few bouts of regret and also dslespair I do get a good feeling that if I remain single for at least a year someone worthy of my time would come in. The guy did seem to tick 80 percent of the boxes however I still got a very strong gut wrenching intuition that something was off so I ended it. 

It sounds like you've had problems with your parents, which is why when things started to go well, the unfamiliarity of it intimidated you. It sounds more like your negative self-worth sabotaged a good relationship for you and you let it. And, I think you're going to regret this for a good long while. 

'Something was off'. If you'd been a little more patient, if nothing else, this 'something' would've shown itself and clarified itself for you. And, you would've learned a thing or two from this experience. You don't sit alone in a room and learn about relationships, you need to be in them to learn about them. 

3 hours ago, Hibahere said:

I'm at a stage in life where I wanna get out there, make countless friends, earn money, stand on my own 2 feet, actualize myself, and get to a healthy mental state and actually BECOME something but it all seems so hopeless idky. I have strong manifesting abilities and I've also lost hope in them. I'm at a dead end. Please advise .

What makes you think that you couldn't have done all of this while being in a relationship?! Self-actualization doesn't have to be done alone in a room, it can be done out there, as a social activity. 

Edited January 23, 2023 by mr_engineer

[LastThursday]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Sneaky, sneaky monkey!

? The truth burns make it stop! ?

I don't know man. Ultimately, my "truth" is just a judgement. My friend has a complex dynamic going on (she has four kids, messy divorce etc.). I suppose I could throw in a monkey wrench into that dynamic and see where it lands. Anyway, I'll stop derailing the thread.

Edited January 23, 2023 by LastThursday

[soos_mite_ah]

4 hours ago, Hibahere said:

At 21 I have had my first shair of so called relationships which are more accurately called disappointments. Living in a third world country also comes as a handy surprise because I've come far in my actualization journey and will rarely find someone with the same mindset. Been through 2 serious relationships and others were disappointing flings. I am thinking of giving up but I will share my experience with you. 

 

And I would especially like to ask the single people, are you happy!? 

I was happy when I was single though I will admit that I was pretty emotionally thristy

And those who have found the one, are yo happy, and what steps did you take? 

I am happy now and I am significantly less emotionally thristy lol.

Honestly, when it comes to finding good guys, I would suggest instead of directly going for guys, find groups of friends who have similar values compared to you. They then can introduce you to someone you have more things in common with in terms of values and mindsets. It's kind of crazy the way that I met my current boyfriend. Months before meeting him, I was in a coffeeshop and I overheards parts of a conversation these two girls were having and they seemed interesting so I started having a conversation with them. I ended up becoming pretty close friends with one of the girls and she introduced me to a friend that she has known for years. It was initially the 3 of us hanging out but then he asked me out and the rest is history. We both have very similar values and are pretty compatible in the way that we think and communicate and just in general i love being around him even outside of a romantic sense.  

Until you meet someone you feel that you have similar values with and who you have no doubt cares about you, don't bother in relationships. I will admit, this did make me feel kind of pent up for years and I was basically a perpetually single 22 year old, but looking back I don't regret it one bit considering who I am currently with. I'm not saying you can't have fun and go into casual situations if that is what you want but I'm saying that wait a bit before getting serious with someone. Especially in between relationships. You aren't going to regret being picky in this aspect of your life. 

I recently got out of my most serious relationship with a guy I dated for 1.5 years. Its been four months and didn't even take a month to jump into another situationship. This guy I met was at uni, where I barely ever expect to meet good people because everyone is usually pathetic and short minded. My mind matches with barely anyone and most of my friendships are surface level. I would say that this is your main problem. You need quality friends and experiences with quality friendships. Because in the end of the day, interpersonal relationships are interpersonal relationships regardless of whether they are platonic or romantic. The skills that you cultivate in your friendships regarding empathizing with people, communicating, putting in effort to meet up with people and keep in touch, connecting with others and finding common ground, to name a few, are things that carry over to your romantic relationships. I feel that for me personally, because I learned how to find, keep, and maintain good friends as well as being a a good friend has been the foundation for how well my current relationship is going even though this is my first relationship. 

Another thing, I don't know how much this will resonate with you since I don't know you like that, but I thought I'd just put this out there in case you or anyone else can relate. I also went through the phase of feeling like I couldn't relate to anyone given the work that I put into myself. For me, it got dysfunctional when this turned into a spiritual ego and I started judging people who I perceived to be less developed than me. It's ok to make that assessment to find like minded individuals but I would be careful with this because this attitude can push people away since there is an avoidance of vulnerability. People do not have to have their lives completely together in order to bring something valuable to the table and have a fulfilling relationship with others. I would be very wary of generalizing everyone as pathetic and short minded. 

...

I'm at a stage in life where I wanna get out there, make countless friends, earn money, stand on my own 2 feet, actualize myself, and get to a healthy mental state and actually BECOME something but it all seems so hopeless idky. I have strong manifesting abilities and I've also lost hope in them. I'm at a dead end. Please advise .

A couple years ago at 21, I felt the same way. Currently at 23, I have a good group of friends, a stable job with descent benefits, an amazing boyfriend, and pretty solid mental health. I went through a sense of hopelessness because I had issues with finding the best people around me and because I was stuck in the house with my dysfunctional family for like 1.5 years due to the pandemic which sent me into a spiral because I felt very stuck in the situation. I know this probably doesn't help now but it takes time to build up these relationships and do all of the things that you mentioned. But that time passes sooner than you think. You got this.  

 

Edited January 23, 2023 by soos_mite_ah