Posted March 4, 2017 Hello, I wanna share my experience with psychedelics. I already typed this story once but accidentally it got deleted so I'm gonna be brief this time So 2 years ago I had three DMT trips and ended up experiencing ego death. However, integrating the whole thing has been very hard for me and as a result of the trips I got depersonalization syndrome which has stayed with me ever since. It was my first time to try psychedelics and maybe my intentions were not right, maybe my mind was too rational to process it all through, but anyway my naive intention to self-improve lead me to this struggle with DP. And I can tell you: these has been the worst years in my life. Before I never had any mental problems. I don't wanna judge anyone or least Leo (I love his work!!) for promoting psychedelics and I understand the value of them. They can be very beneficial for many! But in my case it happened to be the opposite. Psychedelics are not for everyone. I was so curious and really wanted to know what are they all about. Unfortunately, the stuff you hear and read online can be misleading and you get the impression that "sessions are healing" etc. so it was a shock and hard for me at first to admit that I ended up having a negative outcome. As said, the process has been long and painful and in my opinion there are better, more gentle, ways to explore one's inner world. Recently, I have started to recover, little by little, and maybe one day I'm able to pull myself out from DP for good. I wanted to share this with you guys because two years ago I was desperate and would have needed some support from people who have experienced something similar. So I'm more than happy to discuss more if someone in need! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 4, 2017 I just read a description of depersonalization syndrome and it sounds a lot like the description of enlightenment Leo posted in the insights section recently. Besides this medical diagnosis with symptoms that sound reasonably similar to a lot of people's goal in life, what exactly are you experiencing that makes life so terrible? I'm genuinely curious, not trying to oppose your position somehow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 4, 2017 So you basically got accidentally enlightened, but you wasn't ready so you "cured" yourself out of it? :)) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 4, 2017 Keep in mind that the Dark Night Of The Soul is pretty typical for people pursuing enlightenment, by any means. So this phenomena is not limited to psychedelics. You could have exactly the same thing happen with meditation. The key to overcoming depersonalization is to have a good conceptual understanding of enlightenment and the spiritual path, and very importantly, to develop a strong mindfulness practice. Depersonalization is basically an incomplete, misinterpreted, half-baked enlightenment. The mistake people with DP make is that they get it, and then they just sit with it, not taking up any serious kind of spiritual practice. Yeah, if you do that, you'll suffer a lot. I imagine it's like spiritual blue-balls. You gotta go all the way. You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 What is this 'Dark night of the Soul'? How does one feel while going through it ? Only ONE path is true. Rest is noise. God is beauty, rest is Ugly Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 I can relate. My experience took me from myself. to look into a mirror and see black universe. You ? who are you ..i don't know who I am.. name...nothing . Only I watched the world shake as I sat still. this was over 20 years ago. I chose the dark side about 12 years after. and struggled to find somebody. About a year ago I had a awake. or tap on my shoulder showing me the way. So glad to be back baby. lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 Similar experience here myself. I considered myself someone who "had DPD" after doing weed and LSD, which both completely fucked my model of reality forever. I realise now the suffering that it caused was that I clung and wanted back to my old conventional, materialist paradigm of reality. I would always be worrying if life is a dream or not. Ironically what's helped me more than anything is getting into spirituality and non duality via Actualized and learning that hey, yeah life is a dream and reality is not physical but....it's actually a beautiful thing. Now that I don't cling to my old paradigm "DP" never even crosses my mind. I'm planning on returning to psychedelics soon, mushrooms first at a low dose, as I think I will be more mature about it this time from my conceptual understanding and meditation. My advice would be don't identity with DP and stay away from those DP forums as they are cancer.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Loreena https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul la noche escura del alma The nights which the soul experiences are the necessary purgations on the path to Divine union, of which there are two: the first is of the sensory or sensitive part of the soul, the second of the spiritual part (Ascent of Mount Carmel, Ch. 1, 2). Such purgations comprise the first of the three stages of the mystical journey, followed by those of illumination and then union.[2] St. John does not actually use the term "dark night of the soul", but only "dark night" ("noche oscura"). I hope tomorow's video is about shadow work.. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 Those of you pursuing enlightenment, really need to study it a lot more. Don't just blindly stumble into this. You should know all the common traps and phase of the spiritual path so you don't get blindsided. I see too many people here not knowing the basics about it. That's no gonna fly. Read all the books in my book list in the Consciousness category, and then you'll have a decent grasp of the basics. There's no need to reinvent the wheel. People have been doing this work for 1000s of years and everything about it is known and written about. You just gotta bother to do your research. If you don't do that, you'll end up with problems of various kinds like DP, or Zen Devilry, etc. You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Loreena Like being in a never ending loop, and seeing the end, the light is close and salvation near, but never quite reachable. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Hanski I can totally relate. This happened after a couple years of daily meditation and just a few weeks after a strong dose of psilocybin. I've noticed that it was highly due to the fact that I stopped meditating, taking more breaks/shortening my sit times for each day after. I fell into an endless loop of all hopelessness, fear, depression, and a feeling that even suicide wouldn't even make a difference. As soon as I read more about this "Dark Night of the Soul" I became more aware. Check out "End Of Your World" By Adyashanti (about post awakening and how to deal with life) I found it very relatable and helpful. I see it as a process of 'ego confusion' as if the ego realized it's own emptiness/essenseless and it's kinda thinking twice about things. As soon as I picked up my meditation practice, micro-dosed every few days, took ashwagandha here and there, most if not all have cleared away! I am confident in saying that after this "hurdle" life will become clairvoyant and evermore magical! Keep your head up and be aware. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Leo Gura sometimes you sound like you are paranoid. :)) You are talking about "traps", and serious "hard work"... It's like you're trying to justify the days and weeks you waste on building your infrastructure and reading unnecessary books. I can easily liken you to a religious preacher. You say things like: "You have have to do the hard work my brothers, you have to walk the hard path! Read and learn... Read day and night the Bible, my brothers, because that will save you from traps of the devil! If you fall into the traps, you will end up in hell, and you will suffer immensely, my brothers!" I'm just joking ofc. I have read some good books too which I would recommend to others. But I wouldn't say that reading any of them is necessary. In my opinion the only necessary skill to cultivate is the art of "letting go". If you let go of every bs then everything you need will start to come to you. I know that it sounds like a hippie slogan. But this path is more time- and energy-efficient in my opinion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Barna haha I'm with you! I'm reading the books, taking the life purpose course, watching the videos, meditating, doing self inquiry, I'm a metamorphose in person, my family and friends don't recognize me anymore, I'm changing so much, I guess I'm doing the work but I feel like I'm too "rainbows and flowers" I know at some point I'll have to put the finger in my wounds and do shadow work. My environment changed after I got into spirituality, so the people I hangout now are different and from what I've seen, some are zen devils and the others "love and peace", I don't know if I'm in between or if I fit in one of those, my only concern is pending to the wrong side and becoming a zen devil. Im reading the book of not knowing, the author talks about grounded openness, it's helped me a lot and I feel I'm on the right path, but the book is huge and I always think I could've being doing more. What book would you recommend me? "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 @Laisa, it's not always about reading... I would recommend you to take some drugs. And write a trip report the next day, so that you can process the experience efficiently. I'm doing the Trinfinity Academy right now. I've learned more from that course than from any book I have ever read, because that course is all about practice and implementation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) This thread kinda exposes the problems with trying to study serious shit on a forum. Take for example this passage: Quote It sounds like the DMT may have been adulterated; I'm not a DMT expert, but other psychedelics, if "cooked" by an amateur or containing unwanted inclusions, can cause brain damage and/or personality changes. Right so, half the posters on this thread are saying everything the member has gone though is perfectly normal, more a position of understanding one's predicament or perspective. Or further education is needed as per Leo's comment. Contrasted with errr, "you could have brain damage". Quote I believe that pure DMT is relatively benign, and anyone looking to try it should probably make sure they get it from a trusted source. "Trusted Source"? Nearly 100% of the members including Leo recommend "onions" as the source. I looked in there and can't find anything trusted. The whole point of it is you can't trace anyone. These hidden onion sites are possibly scams and not to be trusted, but now you say we could end up with "brain damage". The testing kits test for the presence of what you're hoping to find, not for deadly toxins or metals or anything else. Quote Depression, apathy, chronic fatigue, mood swings; it's just the mind and body purging itself of negative things. It passes, and when it doesn't, the individual usually had some sort of mental issue before the awakening anyway. OK, if all goes wrong, you were probably mental anyway. Well this kinda sucks because everywhere else we're told that most mental illness is actually the symptoms of the mind resolving itself, the dark night of the soul, etc. But now you say this, there is possibly some people who should avoid this shit altogether? It doesn't seem like a very solid kind of approach that doesn't differentiate between the two scenarios. Edited March 5, 2017 by Neo Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 5, 2017 if you don't use the energy... things can implode. B R E A T H E Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 6, 2017 (edited) from the wiki for DP-DR... People who are diagnosed with depersonalization also experience an urge to question and think critically about the nature of reality and existence.[11] The urge to think critically about the nature of reality is literally considered a symptom of a mental disorder... interesting society we have. (this is not intended to trivialize any disorder) Edited March 6, 2017 by WorthyBird Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) @Hanski I have had depersonalization every sense I was eight and have now lived with this for 14 years. This had led me wanting to understand consciousness. Let this motivate you and face your fears. It will feel like you are dying, but this in turn will make you more tolerant and motivated. DP makes you see the world from a different lens, new perspective on consciousness. Let this get you closer and closer to non-duality. You may see the very truth and start to appreciate your gift/sickness. Edited March 7, 2017 by Eller Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 7, 2017 On 5.03.2017 at 3:15 AM, Loreena said: What is this 'Dark night of the Soul'? How does one feel while going through it ? You still have sens of you who dont believe that you is you. That kind of sucks if you can not deal with it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
