A Friend Who Seem Be Interested. Next Move!

[egoeimai]

@DawnOfReality Im a girl,bro.

[DawnOfReality]

1 minute ago, egoeimai said:

@DawnOfReality Im a girl,bro.

LOL. Thanks sister!  

[egoeimai]

@Toby I was very unreceptive once, I was a total bitch to a guy , does that mean Im a bad person? No. Sometimes you're not ready,it doesn't feel right,it can't happen when the other asks you to. Its totally okay. 

I was unreceptive to a level that the guy was trying to approach me for years,and couldn't follow. Did I hurt him? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. He is fine now. We grow from error and trial.

Its just our desire that doesnt match to others' and we get mad at them. Now this is not okay. If someone doesnt like you you should be fine with it.

[Toby]

20 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

@Toby I was very unreceptive once, I was a total bitch to a guy , does that mean Im a bad person? No. Sometimes you're not ready,it doesn't feel right,it can't happen when the other asks you to. Its totally okay. 

I was unreceptive to a level that the guy was trying to approach me for years,and couldn't follow. Did I hurt him? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. He is fine now. We grow from error and trial.

Its just our desire that doesnt match to others' and we get mad at them. Now this is not okay. If someone doesnt like you you should be fine with it.

Yes, of course it's fine if a woman has no interest. And it's also fine if the man then breaks off the contact because he has better things to do.

[egoeimai]

@Toby Every man has a right to follow their desires. And it seems you hate women ? Its not their fault. You're responsible for your feelings and your thoughts. Noone can think your thoughts. This is true freedom. Pick the better ones.

[abgespaced]

@DawnOfReality

You have willingly assigned yourself the role of Beta Orbiter (look it up).

You say you don't want sex but secretly you do. You want her to open her legs when later you decide that you want to have sex with her.

Now this now: it will never, ever happen. In her eyes, you have cut your dick off. You are no longer a sexual man to her. You are her friend, and if you continue with your needy bullshit she won't even want to be your friend.

Here's what will actually happen: she will meet a more dominant guy who turns her on sexually. She will have sex with him and you will get hurt. Meanwhile she gets all of the benefit of your attentions without any intention to reciprocate.

Advice: Stop deluding yourself that you have any chance of a normal relationship with her and move on, develop new prospects and grow a pair.

Edited March 9, 2017 by abgespaced

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, abgespaced said:

@DawnOfReality

You have willingly assigned yourself the role of Beta Orbiter (look it up).

You say you don't want sex but secretly you do. You want her to open her legs when later you decide that you want to have sex with her.

Now this now: it will never, ever happen. In her eyes, you have cut your dick off. You are no longer a sexual man to her. You are her friend, and if you continue with your needy bullshit she won't even want to be your friend.

Here's what will actually happen: she will meet a more dominant guy who turns her on sexually. She will have sex with him and you will get hurt. Meanwhile she gets all of the benefit of your attentions without any intention to reciprocate.

Advice: Stop deluding yourself that you have any chance of a normal relationship with her and move on, develop new prospects and grow a pair.

Dislike.

[DawnOfReality]

1 hour ago, abgespaced said:

@DawnOfReality

You have willingly assigned yourself the role of Beta Orbiter (look it up).

You say you don't want sex but secretly you do. You want her to open her legs when later you decide that you want to have sex with her.

Now this now: it will never, ever happen. In her eyes, you have cut your dick off. You are no longer a sexual man to her. You are her friend, and if you continue with your needy bullshit she won't even want to be your friend.

Here's what will actually happen: she will meet a more dominant guy who turns her on sexually. She will have sex with him and you will get hurt. Meanwhile she gets all of the benefit of your attentions without any intention to reciprocate.

Advice: Stop deluding yourself that you have any chance of a normal relationship with her and move on, develop new prospects and grow a pair.

I respect your point, but sincerely I don't see myself described in there and I doubt she is described in there too.

I am not looking for sex, didn't even think about it while working on the situation (at least consciously). There are different types of men: surely I am not in the category of the "Savage chasing sex". I would not ever go with a bitch and that is also why I am selective with the girls I do like: there were only 3 in my life with whom I truly fell in love and the others I didn't even think of them.

You can argue my way of considering women is not right. Good for you. For me that is how it should be and not gonna change it.

Knowing the situation and living in it I reckon it feels weird to her more than to me and if she is genuinely not interested I'll know it soon and will respect her decision and move on. All in all I think we both still have potentially something to offer to each other and I will at least observe the situation till I don't see the "END" written somewhere and I am confident now that I will be able to read that.

Your final advice will be, then, taken into account.

 

[Guest Annetta]

Reading this thread; Beta Orbiter stood out, more PUA nonsense - 
I looked up the definition on Google; reading about it now.  All of this pick-up artist nomenclature reminds me of the type of wording people use at dog shows.  Makes me feel kind of insecure - reading about plates now.  This man in the comments section of this blog describes how he keeps his "plate" around - by diminishing the value of other suitors by calling them orbiters, while keeping this woman waiting around for him.  This is a conscious thing this man has done.
Most of this shit is about assigning imaginary value to people based on superficial qualities and then expecting that to work out.  Like, if someone tried to practice having interest in me, with the underlying intention that I was being used as a tool to achieve something else - that would - and does - offend me.  It would be the equivalent of borrowing something without asking.  It's a waste of my time...

No no, don't take that advice into account.  It's advice worded to make you doubt your intentions.  That kind of shit spreads through people like an arterial parasite.  Shared psychosis.  Now - if you take that advice into account - you're gunna possibly be wondering about your intentions in the back of your mind, and it'll affect you when you're socializing with women.  And then it becomes reality.  It happened to me.  Trust your own intentions.

[abgespaced]

@I_Like_Thing

PUA for women:

Show up naked. Bring beer.

[egoeimai]

@I_Like_Thing looool lmao omg

[Guest Annetta]

@I_Like_Thing It's so unbelievably straightforward. 

[abgespaced]

@DawnOfReality

13 hours ago, DawnOfReality said:

I don't want sex, I am looking for someone I can pass some good time with, that makes me feel right . And for experience in a domain of life that I haven't ever really gone into before now. The former is stronger though, I have quite a hard crush on her.

Sounds like sex to me. And by sex I mean sexual undertones/chemistry/arousal. You are purposely desexualising yourself in order to appear less threatening to her. It hasn't worked. She has already rejected you for anything more than a friendship, even though you "wanted to go a little bit beyond".

@Whywolf

Be careful dismissing the entire field of non-conventional dating advice as "PUA nonsense". It has evolved beyond PUA and is now a much broader and comprehensive field, beginning to be heavily backed up by science.

This kid came to this thread because the conventional dating advice (the advice most young men receive now days, and the same advice repeated by you and others in this thread) was not working for him. I offer him an alternative point of view. Unfortunately he is so ego invested in this mindset and supported in it that it will take him half a lifetime to come to an understanding of the truth.

Go back and read what I wrote before he posted about being rejected. I predicted his rejection, even the exact kind of rejection- LJBF "Let's just be friends". How was this possible? Because everything that is happening to him is entirely predictable using the most up to date dating knowledge available today. The kind of knowledge you dismiss as "PUA nonsense".

Edited March 9, 2017 by abgespaced

[Guest Annetta]

@abgespaced The advice I offered him was not to label things.  I'll look into my frustrations with PUA at some point down the road, but for now I am heavily suspicious of it.

Come to think of it, though... heavily suspicious.
Heavily suspicious.
... heavily suspicious.  
Well that is something, obvious.
And completely unexplored.  

I'm thinking about this right now.
That is a big paradigm.  Being suspicious.  

I wonder what non-suspicion looks, acts, feels like - 
"Why?"
"No reason."  Paradigms really do feel like their own little realities... I can't imagine at all what it would be like not to be suspicious, but most people live their lives this way.  Hmmmmn....

[Guest Annetta]

Possibly, but I think maybe I have an addiction to reassurance. I'm going to look into this, I'll bet suspicion and needing reassurance are what's causing this loop.  
https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-and-the-need-for-reassurance/

"If reassurance were a substance, it would be considered right up there with crack cocaine. One is never enough, a few makes you want more, tolerance is constantly on the rise, and withdrawal hurts. In other words, people with OCD and related conditions who compulsively seek reassurance get a quick fix, but actually worsen their discomfort in the long term."

Oh... hmmmn.

Edited March 10, 2017 by Whywolf

[Key Elements]

Do you know your core values? Do you know her core values? Can you tell? Are you both non-quitters?