What Just Happened?

[PureExp]

3 hours ago, Scholar said:

I don't feel any different, but at the same time everything is different.

Great ! You have reached a milestone. I knew you were on to something from your other posts, you were thinking hard and were confused as hell. Mind works in background, and I guess what you are seeing is a fruit of your intention to know. I'm happy for you

3 hours ago, Scholar said:

I have no idea, but this is way too underwhelming to be enlightenment.

Yes, another important realization. I had somewhat similar feelings on realizing one day that I'm only a watcher of a movie, I'm nothing actually, empty ..... what??? is this all? where are all those fireworks bells and whistles?  I wondered.

Realization is ordinary. It is less interesting than your shopping list ! It is our Ego that expects fireworks, bells and whistles, "infinities", and deities showering flowers from heaven and ... so on. Egos are stupid.

I came to realize that the ignorance - the illusion that everything else is real including myself, this individual who is somehow very-very important, is extraordinary and unnatural, it should not be there, but it is. Realization is ordinary and natural. A perfect state. This is exactly the reverse of what unrealized people tend to think. This is the flip !

Its so simple.

[Nahm]

"The Flip" nailed it, thanks for that!

 

 

nothing is on the way to everything

 

[Gopackgo]

See my last topic post for a comparison. Congratulations. Keep meditating and working at it, but also enjoy the moment. 

[WelcometoReality]

@Scholar You are wondering what the next step is, but there is no next step. Things will unfold whenever it will unfold. Don't worry about it.

[Leo Gura]

@Scholar Sounds like a few dust particles off the ox's tail hairs. Good, but it goes WAY deeper. So just keep at it.

[bobbyward]

@Nahm over the last year the more i inquire and mediate, the more apparent and deeper the seeing becomes. 

the deeper and more apparent it becomes i feel a physical change in my body, alot more relaxed and not as flustered by life. 

plus when i had this change in experience the mind become alot more quiet 

[Nahm]

@bobbyward That's awesome! There will be similar changes in vision, how you experience music, intuition, etc, etc. More slight but more impactful. From my experience, keep at it, and you'll have a 'pop' out of the blue or in meditation, that is a game changer. The kind you are permanently changed by. It's awesome and most worthwhile. 

[Scholar]

It feels like I have "leveled up" my mindfulness. I'm just much more in the moment, and meditation was really easy today. It's like I can just bask in the moment, even when thoughts are going on.

 

But at the same time, there are fears that are creeping up on me from time to time. I don't know if my ego is prepared for continuing this path? Because it seems like if I continue, more and more of what I think is real will just become pointless to me. What if I end up just not caring about anything, because it'll seem like everything is an illusion anyways? And what if I can't go back anymore? I have no idea where I would find "unconditional love", if anything it feels like I'd just become aware that everything is illusion, and that I am completely alone, stuck in this illusion.

 

Why would I care about others if they are just content?

[Natasha]

@Scholar Good info to help put things in perspective:

 

[Scholar]

35 minutes ago, Natasha said:

@Scholar Good info to help put things in perspective:

 

Thanks! I don't know, maybe I really need a proper guide. This is what I mean with my ego no being ready, I feel like if I continue on pushing, the it or "I" would just do something stupid. But I guess I am more afraid of falling into Depersonalization Disorder, because this is kind of what I'd imagine it to feel like. 

https://www.msdmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/dissociative-disorders/depersonalization-derealization-disorder

Shinzen Young talked about it, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA

 

I feel like I should better do this with someone practised, before I screw up my psychology unrepairably... maybe become a monk some day or something.

 

I just remembered that as a kid, I sometimes was in this state for a few minutes, completely randomly. It's like everything seems like a dream, and even knowing that it isn't, doesn't change the feeling. It always just went away, but it hasn't since I had the expirience yesterday.

It's like I'm zoomed out of what is going on within my mind.

Edited March 5, 2017 by Scholar

[Natasha]

@Scholar Eckhart Tolle had similar experience and didn't develop de-personalization disorder. Listen to some of his talks and books for guidance.