Getting security called on me

[onacloudynight]

I do not understand why people feel threatened by me. I am going out and gaming and people are calling security on me often. Is this a normal thing? Am I really so deficienct that people call security. Or are people just scared in general?

My family were losers then. I hate my life and everyone around me I am not getting attention and I have no idea how to heal. I am homeless, jobless, and now am single.

I want a woman to appreciate me for me. They all seem to hate me. What did I do wrong? Just for being myself? I hate the world. I want to hurt people. I don't care anymore. It brings me peace, because the world treats me like shit so i believe people deserve it.

This is the only way to heal. By unleashing the anger out into the world. Nothing else makes me feel better. Especially locking myself up in a room somewhere meditating, that would just make it worse.

Edited January 19, 2023 by onacloudynight

[Leo Gura]

Stop blaming people and accept ownership of your development.

You can improve all those areas of life but it will take work, discipline, and vision.

Hurting others will not help you at all. It's a dead end.

Edited January 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[onacloudynight]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop blaming people and accept ownership of your development.

You can improve all those areas of life but it will take work, discipline, and vision.

Hurting others will not help you at all. It's a dead end.

They took control of my mind Leo.

My parents conditioning is running me and I can't escape. I am trying so hard to defragment the conditioning but it is taking so long.

I can't even think clearly. I don't know who I am. They stole my mind away from me.

[Roy]

First of all you care too much what other people - particularly women, think of you. Stop that. Don't outsource your perception and self-esteem and make yourself so vulnerable. You need to take responsibility for the ways you're causing your own suffering.

Second, you won't heal by releasing your anger on the world. Venting onto others/hurting them won't make you feel any better, that's an illusion. The idea of justice is an ego game made from thin air. So make something else from thin air. Use that energy and motivation you feel inside you and direct it towards something productive.

Getting back on your feet and finding work again is an obvious place to start.

[onacloudynight]

2 minutes ago, Roy said:

First of all you care too much what other people - particularly women, think of you. Stop that. Don't outsource your perception and self-esteem and make yourself so vulnerable. You need to take responsibility for the ways you're causing your own suffering.

Second, you won't heal by releasing your anger on the world. Venting onto others/hurting them won't make you feel any better, that's an illusion. The idea of justice is an ego game made from thin air. So make something else from thin air. Use that energy and motivation you feel inside you and direct it towards something productive.

Getting back on your feet and finding work again is an obvious place to start.

It does too make me feel better. I want that control back that they stole from me.

Edited January 19, 2023 by onacloudynight

[Tyler Robinson]

Look into methods of non violent communication, there are books on it. 

I think what you need is discipline and self control. Rest will fall in place. 

Also your inner state of mind. If you are constantly in misery, anxiety and agitation, it will show in your interaction with others. 

They will not enjoy your company. But if you are in a happy state, you'll automatically make people laugh, then people will beg for your attention instead of calling security. 

Instead of asking for attention, give attention and love to others. 

Asking comes from scarcity, giving comes from abundance. 

 

Become the better man, the higher man. Give instead of ask. 

 

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

They took control of my mind Leo.

My parents conditioning is running me and I can't escape. I am trying so hard to defragment the conditioning but it is taking so long.

I can't even think clearly. I don't know who I am. They stole my mind away from me.

No body stole your mind.

You can cultivate your mind as you desire. But it will take patience and practice.

Rather than whining, get excited about all the ways you will improve going forward. This will immediately make you feel better. This is your time to shine!

Edited January 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Roy]

2 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

It does too make me feel better.

You are not in a place of wisdom or clarity to see that it won't. It may feel good in the heat of the moment, but you will reap what you sow later in ways you aren't aware of right now.

I'm telling you it won't because I want you to be ahead of the curve and not needlessly suffer like a dumb fuck.

[mr_engineer]

@onacloudynight Society is pretty much on the verge of collapse anyways. So, it's understandable that you feel the way you do, it's not your fault. 

People will get karmic return for what they did. You can leave that to the universe. You don't have to be the one to 'do justice', so to speak. Focus on yourself and you'll be fine. 

I'll be the first one to say this - given where society is headed, it's hard to not be angry, honestly. A big point I'll make is - put the blame where it belongs. Don't buy into this conditioning that 'you are to blame for everything', because you're not.

And, apart from yourself, extend this support to other innocent people who are not to blame. Don't blame the wrong people. There are people in this matrix who are in the matrix and are 'just doing their jobs' (or 'just following orders' as the Nazis said). It really is like a video-game, with the NPCs, with everything. If you start to see it that way, things become a lot less serious. 

Edited January 19, 2023 by mr_engineer

[onacloudynight]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

No body stole your mind.

You can cultivate your mind as you desire. But it will take patience and practice.

Rather than whining, get excited about all the ways you will improve going forward. This will immediately make you feel better. This is your time to shine!

I know it's my time to shine and I'm already improving. There is just so much pain in my heart I don't know if I can go on without hurting someone. I can't help it. I'm broken. I need love.

[Leo Gura]

Bro, just relax and watch some TV. Be kind to yourself.

Edited January 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Osaid]

48 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

I know it's my time to shine and I'm already improving. There is just so much pain in my heart I don't know if I can go on without hurting someone. I can't help it. I'm broken. I need love.

How about this for a vision:

You develop yourself to such a degree that none of the people you are currently angry at can affect your sense of self-love and self-worth anymore. You don't need to harm anyone to feel good anymore. You can skip that step entirely because of how much you've mastered your psychology. You have taken full responsibility of your life and emotions, and to allow others to affect that would now be a disservice to yourself. In fact, you have cultivated and developed yourself to such a point, that you now feel bad that the people around you are unable to achieve the mental peace that you currently have, and you wish that they are able to achieve the same some day. 

[vibv]

1 hour ago, onacloudynight said:

I know it's my time to shine and I'm already improving. There is just so much pain in my heart I don't know if I can go on without hurting someone. I can't help it. I'm broken. I need love.

If you're using that as an excuse to hurt people you are no better than a heroin addict - in fact even worse, because a heroin addict hurts only himself.

You will never heal by hurting other people, that's your wounded ego speaking. But hurting other people will only worsen your situation. You have to find a way to stop perpetuating that cycle. Otherwise it will only continue to get worse and worse, believe me.

You just don't want to feel all that hurt and insecurity, and I really understand that. But leashing out just makes the illusion that the world is bad even more real, because you will suffer the consequences.

Stop believing your ego that is trying to take you down with it.

If you really want to end your personal experience of hell you have to stop listening to the devil.

Edited January 19, 2023 by vibv

[flowboy]

4 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

This is the only way to heal. By unleashing the anger out into the world. Nothing else makes me feel better. Especially locking myself up in a room somewhere meditating, that would just make it worse.

Unleashing anger into the world will cause retraumatization.

I've tried it.

When I was young and angry and lost, I got into street fights.

Not a good time. Created new traumas.

Meditating it away will also not work, your intuition is correct there.

Do you actually want to know how to heal?

Because I could tell you, but if you're in a place where you just want to stay in this victim energy, it's too early.

[Phil777]

@onacloudynight 

So you are homeless and jobless and go out to pick up women? Do you see anything wrong with that? What do you expect? In case it doesn't hit you like a freight train: Fix your sh*t first.

Facing yourself and suffering through all this will be worth it. Don't give into destructive malevolence. It will rob you of your soul and that inkling that is left and still holds on to a vision of something better. It clearly exists because you are posting here for help. And we are here to deliver, you are not alone. Use your anger to fuel positive change. Like a warrior of light you will conquer your fears, you will conquer your inadequacies and you will conquer your illusions and inner demons. In fact, once you are free, you will have a plethora of inner bodhisattvas.  You can do this. This is a fact. Do your part and the universe will deliver the rest.

There are so many success stories of people that started in exactly your situation. At some point, you have to let go of the dogma of ancestral trauma and the inheritance of parental characteristics. Fuck this. You are your own man. You decide who controls you (no one).

Some practical advice:

In the mornings do 3 rounds of the Wim Hof method (30x3) 

Afterwards, you do 10 minutes of meditation

and the 5 Tibetans (a set of Yoga exercises, each Asana 3 times)

All in all, this should take 30 minutes to complete. This routine will give you a baseline of awareness, balance and energetic flow. Aim to do 21 days consistently before increasing your workload.

In a previous post, you stated that you are skinny. If you feel your destructive anger, go and workout. Like a wild beast you will push your anger into the floor with push ups. This will disperse the bulk of the energy and bring it to good use.

Good luck.

[Kshantivadin]

6 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

They took control of my mind Leo.

My parents conditioning is running me and I can't escape. I am trying so hard to defragment the conditioning but it is taking so long.

I can't even think clearly. I don't know who I am. They stole my mind away from me.

 

[something_else]

7 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

I do not understand why people feel threatened by me. I am going out and gaming and people are calling security on me often. Is this a normal thing? Am I really so deficienct that people call security. Or are people just scared in general?

My family were losers then. I hate my life and everyone around me I am not getting attention and I have no idea how to heal. I am homeless, jobless, and now am single.

I want a woman to appreciate me for me. They all seem to hate me. What did I do wrong? Just for being myself? I hate the world. I want to hurt people. I don't care anymore. It brings me peace, because the world treats me like shit so i believe people deserve it.

This is the only way to heal. By unleashing the anger out into the world. Nothing else makes me feel better. Especially locking myself up in a room somewhere meditating, that would just make it worse.

The first two or three times I went out to clubs I felt very out of place. And one time I got kicked out by security after a girl reported me. I actually wrote about it here but it was like 1.5 years ago now.

But since then I kept going out and now I haven't ever had any issues ever again. I've had issues getting into clubs with bouncers but that's about it. And also pretty normal.

It takes some time to learn to calibrate yourself, but trust me you should keep doing it. Just start with more tame and friendly approaches until you get comfortable enough to flirt more directly.

But right now you're also in a really bad state to be doing this kind of thing. You've just gone through a breakup. Give yourself some time to chill out and recover before you jump back into dating/game. When you're in a really shitty mental state the chance of you getting in trouble is much higher.

Edited January 19, 2023 by something_else