Is crying the best method of overcoming a heartbreak?

[augisltucia]

I broke up with my ex a month ago and I feel much better. But when I get triggered by something, like for example a picture of her or presents she gave me, I instantly feel hurt again. I know that Leo said in his "How to overcome a breakup" video, that crying out everything will help, but I'm not sure whether it actually will. For example, if I cry out by triggering my emotions with pictures of my ex, won't it also make me want to go back to my ex or feel that I need to be with her and that she is the only one for me? I am in this paradox of thinking that crying will help, but at the same time I don't want to feel the need to go back to her. Any tips?

[flowboy]

That need to go back to her, that you don't want to feel, is exactly what you should be feeling as part of the process.

Then realising you won't, unlocking more grief.

The idea that she's the only one for you, that idea also needs to be grieved.

You're only a month into it, this could be rough for another month or two.

Keep at it and be gentle with yourself.

[Lyubov]

 

[Roy]

3 hours ago, augisltucia said:

Any tips?

Live your life. Focus on hobbies and other things. Time heals all. Cry when you need to, don't resist it so much.

Meeting and sleeping with new girls will also help. You'll realize that there are plenty of people out there that can make you feel good. No reason to get hung up on a single person out of millions.

 

[thepixelmonk]

It will help. Cry if you need to. Bottling up or resisting emotions is never the way to go. Process and work through them.

[Osaid]

Crying can be transformative if you consciously choose to do it. It brings out all your thoughts and ideas that you're holding in.

[Tyler Robinson]

If you don't cry out, your emotions will get bottled up which will manifest as violent aggressive Intrusive thoughts full of hate and anxiety months later. 

Cry it out. Dissolve it later, that's the idea. 

[Cocolove]

On 1/18/2023 at 6:31 PM, Roy said:

 

Meeting and sleeping with new girls will also help. You'll realize that there are plenty of people out there that can make you feel good. No reason to get hung up on a single person out of millions.

 

This can also be a big mistake and an unhealthy coping mechanism. Speaking from experience it just ruined the possibility to get back together. Don't do this until you feel okay on your own already, you should not use it to make you feel better or you will be codependent and needy. You need to be ok on your own. Don't do it until you know things are completely finished with the last person.

[Roy]

2 hours ago, Cocolove said:

Speaking from experience it just ruined the possibility to get back together.

You should never get back together with someone unless you have children, which is the only exception where I think you're obliged to make it work.

Going back to an ex is way more unhealthy than coping with new people, which I agree can also not be great. It shows a lack of self-respect, neediness, and is literally the opposite of personal development. You grow by moving forward in life and absorbing new experiences, and learning lessons from old experiences.

Trying to re-spark a relationship (that ended for a reason) is under bellied with desperation, and a pathetic acceptance of not being able to change as a person. It's like throwing in the towel. As I said, that would be the one golden principle of relationships I would urge people to follow. Never go backwards.

As for meeting and sleeping with new people - be sensible. If you are still in emotional turmoil don't do it. Wait at least 1-3 months before trying to get intimate with new people.

[Cocolove]

@Roy Oh wow funny I just made a new post asking this. 

I just don't understand why you should never. That makes it sound like you're saying if the two people really love each other, and grow a lot separately, they can't ever overcome the problems that made it so they had to be apart. In my situation, we both hope we can get back together after we grow and work on our issues of codependency. Just happened a few days ago.

[Vlad_]

On 1/18/2023 at 4:27 PM, augisltucia said:

I broke up with my ex a month ago and I feel much better. But when I get triggered by something, like for example a picture of her or presents she gave me, I instantly feel hurt again. I know that Leo said in his "How to overcome a breakup" video, that crying out everything will help, but I'm not sure whether it actually will. For example, if I cry out by triggering my emotions with pictures of my ex, won't it also make me want to go back to my ex or feel that I need to be with her and that she is the only one for me? I am in this paradox of thinking that crying will help, but at the same time I don't want to feel the need to go back to her. Any tips?

I've been in your shoes for most of my life.

Bro you need to get rid off all possible triggers (photos, presents, texts etc.). Otherwise it will take you years to heal yourself. 

I remember when my first serious relationships collapsed I was crying a lot for a long time. The first month I cried in the morning, in the evening and at night. It was horrible and I didn't know what to do about it. I was having her in my dreams, everything would remind me about her: places we've been to, common friends, songs, movies and so on. In crowded places I used to see  her, but of course it was different girls.

It took me 2 years to finally forget my ex and a lot of work on my psyche. 

[Eyowey]

You have to recontextualize this. You never had her to begin with. Ownership is an illusion.

[Basman]

Crying can be relieving and is a natural response when feeling overwhelmed and sad. But it's not the only approach for overcoming heartbreak. Everybody processes their emotions differently. Some start exercising more. Others talk to friends and family, or journal or seek counseling. There are lots of legit ways to process heartbreak.

Its important to remember that healing take times and that there is no right way of doing. It's OK if you are not okay. If I was you, I would put less focus on your ex and turn more towards things you do for yourself. But that's just my opinion.