Why should we be diplomatic with other people?

[Tyler Robinson]

Is it really necessary that we should be acting diplomatically in society? 

We strive to reduce friction. Sometimes this comes at the cost of peace of mind. It's paradoxical. On one hand, less drama means peace of mind yet sometimes letting out how you feel and just being your authentic self gives you greater peace of mind and ease than bottling up things. But you always have this thought at the back of your mind that letting out your frustration in public will attract drama. 

It's a paradoxical situation. You want peace of mind but you also crave the need to be as authentic in your expression as possible. Bottling up your real feelings can also accumulate over time and lead to inner turmoil and stress. 

Society demands us to be diplomatic in public. How should you work around balancing between being diplomatic but also being assertive and authentic at the same time? 

Which one do you value more - diplomacy or authenticity? 

Edited January 13, 2023 by Tyler Robinson

[Lila9]

I think that it's all a matter of balance. It's healthy to be authentic and express ourselves assertively, and at the same time not hurt others unnecessarily. It is possible to communicate and express geniune negative emotions like frustration without hurting and traumatizing other people on the way.

It's all boils down to emotional management, AKA, Emotional Intelligence. 

Edited January 13, 2023 by Lila9

[Rafael Thundercat]

Once in a community I lived a guy came in the middle of the night 2Am and he knocked in the house of this woman that was alone with her baby. 

This guy was a junkie coming from the middle of the forest, barefoot, stoned as hell,listening voices an so, totally space out. I was sent to take care of the situation. We Gave a shelter to the guy for one day, food and so. 

But in the kitche I noticed that the guy was not just a lost soul in the woods. He had came from another community where he caused turmoil as a pothead as he was. And truly was impossible to have a sane conversation with the guy, triggered with anything one say, everything was took personal. 

And we there were a community where everyday had a certain pace and stuff to do, similar to a Zen Monastic life. 

So, the guy felt good there, nice vibe, beautifull  people, lake, girls, music.. and he decided by himself he wanted to stay. So you may think the most compassion would be embrace him and with time he would maybe become more grounded, let go the Haxixe. Yes, this would  be possible, but in the moment there was not space for it. He came without asking, just invaded the land, so we took him to the bus station and give money to travel and Food. Anyone in their self-righeous stand would think we should make more effort to help him and so. But no, the decision was made by what felt to be the rigth thing in the moment since the community never ment to be a recovery center to toxic-dependents.  So for me diplomacy is the art of wise leadership. Sometimes will make sense to apply feminine compassion and Sometimes a more Masculine one. Decisions need to be made everyday. 

[gettoefl]

diplomacy is the recognition that others should be allowed to do their own thing

and assertiveness would be stating, do your own thing but don't tread on my toes

[Tyler Robinson]

7 hours ago, gettoefl said:

diplomacy is the recognition that others should be allowed to do their own thing

and assertiveness would be stating, do your own thing but don't tread on my toes

Ok

[TheAlchemist]

Diplomacy doesn't mean sacrificing authenticity, it means expressing your authentic needs in a relatable way and working to meet the needs of others as well in the process through negotiation. Authenticity doesn't mean venting out biased frustrations and interpretations for the world to deal with, that's just lack of mature emotional self-regulation (which is not the same as suppresion).

Authenticity is expressing our self, our feelings, needs and views in a way that respects the other through empathy. Not just unloading everything on to the other for them to deal with. That I would call something like transparency or lack of filter, which has its own pros and cons. Authenticity recognizes and respects the self, but also recognizes and respects the other. Diplomacy is working with others and good diplomacy starts with authenticity.

[Rafael Thundercat]

22 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Is it really necessary that we should be acting diplomatically in society? 

We strive to reduce friction. Sometimes this comes at the cost of peace of mind. It's paradoxical. On one hand, less drama means peace of mind yet sometimes letting out how you feel and just being your authentic self gives you greater peace of mind and ease than bottling up things. But you always have this thought at the back of your mind that letting out your frustration in public will attract drama. 

It's a paradoxical situation. You want peace of mind but you also crave the need to be as authentic in your expression as possible. Bottling up your real feelings can also accumulate over time and lead to inner turmoil and stress. 

Society demands us to be diplomatic in public. How should you work around balancing between being diplomatic but also being assertive and authentic at the same time? 

Which one do you value more - diplomacy or authenticity? 

Why bot both? You can be an authentic diplomat or a fake one. Sometimes I did choices that later on I saw was not fully diplomatic but in the time I did It felt the best option possible considering the situation. As Leo said in one of his many videos " Sometimes you will beed to take decisions without knowing all the variant consequences. This strive for perfection in every action can make you blocked in inaction due to excess of analisis. A diplomat must know his field of action well and his values so that when he will act in the moment he can be as sharp as true as autentic and as effetcive as possible without being moved by emotionality, It doesn't mean being dispassionate  but feel the rawness of the situation and be present to respond accordingly. No matter how many words one try to use to express what is to be in the moment so much that you naturaly do what must be done. For me the close example is when you naturaly catch a Tool someone throw to you ( The Way of Peacefull Warrior style) You are so embodied that your mind flows and without knowing how,you end up doing the rigth action of decision to the moment, even if the action ends up yo be hitting someone with a stick ( Go ask Zen masters)