I am going on a date with a girl who got a boyfriend, what to do?

[Vrubel]

She is a pretty university student that just moved to my town. Is she shopping for a new lover or does she just want a cool guy to entertain her because she is bored and lonely in the new town? 
We already had an instant date but only later she mentioned her boyfriend. She is obviously attracted to me and I do project sexual energy (we click well). So she should (and will) sense that I am "a threat". But of course, I do not want to have sex with her if she is in a happy relationship. I only will do that if she already broke up with him (small chance but possible) or she clearly states to me that she isn't happy with him and has the intention of breaking up. 

I am going out with her on Friday, how, if, and when do I ask about her boyfriend situation?
I don't want it to be awkward nor make her close off to me (as not to be perceived as slutty or a cheater).
 

Edited January 11, 2023 by Vrubel

[NoSelfSelf]

Save yourself problems, dignity and cancle the date

[meta_male]

29 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

Is she shopping for a new lover or does she just want a cool guy to entertain her because she is bored and lonely in the new town? 

She sounds like she's looking for her future rebound. I'd cancel the date.

[Vrubel]

34 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Save yourself problems, dignity and cancle the date

I don't feel my dignity is on the line by meeting up with her. I have a hard line against interfering in a happy relationship though an unhappy dying one is a grey area for me. I will communicate this clearly to her if it ever comes so far but I don't assume I will be having sex with her. 

My main question is how do I communicate with her on this issue?
 

32 minutes ago, meta_male said:

She sounds like she's looking for her future rebound. I'd cancel the date.

What does that mean? future lover? is that a bad thing? 
 

Edited January 11, 2023 by Vrubel

[NoSelfSelf]

@Vrubel You are doing all this to sleep with her in the end,so you are basically no different than guy thats simping or taking her to dinner dates to impress its almost the same...

What are you even doing there be her friend until mybe she brokes up with her bf so she can do the same to you one day?

[universe]

Depends on what you are looking for.

You want to find a good relationship: Then enjoy the date but be very cautious with how she handles the situation and see if there are any signs that she fails your standards for a serious relationship.

You are not looking for a relationship: Just go on the date and enjoy. Don't bring up the boyfriend if you don't feel like it. If you are not looking for something serious with her then it is none of your business. Be truthful with your intentions, don't lie to her (should be common sense).

[Vrubel]

@NoSelfSelf  To be honest I just want to feel the waters and see. I am no saint but I am definitely no simp either. 

@universe  I think I will just explore and not overthink this issue. I am currently also dating another girl that has put me on hold due to exam deadlines. I really like her so if she flakes it will be a very hard hit for me, so exploring other options is here the best thing to do to not feel needy or crushed if she flakes.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Vrubel Testing the waters is being like internet  calling best gay male friend or beta orbiter, imagine you having a girl and someone is trying to get into your girls pants and not even in direct way but by being a fake friend, cmon its worse than being simp in my humble opinion..at least tell her i want to sleep with you and i dont mind you having a boyfriend because thats a reality...

[Vrubel]

 @NoSelfSelf I am not a "gay male friend". We have serious polarity and I accept nothing less.

I do mind her having a boyfriend that's why I started this thread.

Edited January 11, 2023 by Vrubel

[NoSelfSelf]

@Vrubel Good luck

[meta_male]

2 hours ago, Vrubel said:

What does that mean? future lover? is that a bad thing?

When someone who just broke up gets involved with someone else without having emotionally healed first. They underestimate the impact a break up has on them. If you're just looking for fun, this is not going to be it.

[petar8p]

Just be open and honest about it. State that it confuses you and you would like to see the situation more clearly. You must confront her about it because you are on the line, not her or her boyfriend. 

 

If you truly don't wanna do it because of morals then don't try to find your best ways to approach her about it. That is having an agenda. Be blunt and just open up about it 10-15 minutes into the conversation. Let her know that it is an obstacle for you. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Vrubel]

@petar8p Yeah, I think I am just going to ask

[Leo Gura]

I got friends who sleep with girls with boyfriends all the time.

I think it's gross, but girls will certainly do it if you lead them.

If you start talking about it explicitly it will not work.

This situation is a good test of your character. Let's what kind of man you are.

Edited January 12, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Federico del pueblo]

19 hours ago, Vrubel said:

But of course, I do not want to have sex with her if she is in a happy relationship. I only will do that if she already broke up with him (small chance but possible) or she clearly states to me that she isn't happy with him and has the intention of breaking up. 

Good.

That's why at some point you just tell her the facts.

"So you mentioned you have a boyfriend...I thought I'd let you know that nothing sexual is gonna happen between you and me for as long as you're still in a relationship. Though, if you're happy and don't intend to end your relationship any time soon, there's also no point in the two of us meeting up more times...so you'll have to contemplate what you want."

[flowboy]

It's not a date in her mind.

She mentioned her boyfriend after agreeing to meet you, so that can mean two things:

1. She has some integrity and expects to just have a friendly hangout with you. Any attempt at intimacy will cross her boundaries.
2. She doesn't have integrity and is not calling it a date in her mind, but she might cheat on her relationship anyway. Bad situation to be in.

If you have integrity and still think she's worth pursuing, you'll friendzone her on the date, proactively turn it into a friendly hangout, and if there is sexual tension you set a boundary that she end her relationship before you go there.

[Vrubel]

@flowboy @Federico del pueblo @Leo Gura

Thanks for the comment. I will go and report back. (Not a promise though)

An important detail is that she is new in town and here for the long run. Her boyfriend is probably left behind relatively far away in another country. I am talking Holland-Belgium, it's not that far away but still kinda unpractical to travel there regularly.  

 

[flowboy]

Sounds like she's just trying to meet new people and build a social circle. Doesn't sound like a date to me, but I hope you have a good time anyway and report back!

[Eyowey]

If she doesn't date you then she'll date some other guy behind her boyfriends back so it might as well be you dating her. Have fun.

[Shane Hanlon]

2 hours ago, Eyowey said:

If she doesn't date you then she'll date some other guy behind her boyfriends back so it might as well be you dating her. Have fun.

The same logic people used to build the nuke.