How do you become more selfless?

[Something Funny]

I've just watched the movie "Green Mile" for the first time, and I am not going to lie, I got really inspired by it, and especially by John Coffey of course.

So my question is, how do you become more selfless. And I don't mean just feeling selfless, I mean acting more selflessly in the world. Or what actions do you need to take to become a more selfless person.

For example, I've started learning web development this year. But I do it mainly for selfish reasons. I want to earn more money, I want to have more freedom, independence, ability to build the kind of life I want to build.

But is this the best way for me to serve in this world? Am I just being lazy and cowardly and am taking a lame, uncreative, passive path forward in life?

Sure I could say that I am in the phase of developing myself, and need to focus on that first, and I can be selfless and contribute to the world afterwards. But is it actually true or am I just bullshitting myself?

You could also say that I can just go and become a volunteer somewhere. But once again, is this the best way for me to serve the world? Doing some manual grunt work?

 

[Leo Gura]

By sitting in silent meditation for many hours.

You can't really act your way into selflessness. You must raise your consciousness to realize that self is a constructed coping mechanism.

Edited January 8, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura  but what about taking action in the world?

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Gura  but what about taking action in the world?

You can try to act more selflessly, but it's not gonna hit the root of the problem.

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura I am worried that if I just meditate, do psychedelics, etc. I might feel selfless and even experience some awakenings and such. But then when I actually go outside and pass a begging old woman on the street I will still feel too stingy to give her half of my montly salary for example.

How much is selflessness like this really worth?

[Leo Gura]

32 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I am worried that if I just meditate, do psychedelics, etc. I might feel selfless and even experience some awakenings and such. But then when I actually go outside and pass a begging old woman on the street I will still feel too stingy to give her half of my montly salary for example.

Don't worry about that. You should be worrying about the opposite.

And giving half your salary to a homeless person is foolish. You shouldn't strive for that.

What you demonstrate here are egoic fantasies of selflessness, not the real thing.

Edited January 8, 2023 by Leo Gura

[thisintegrated]

By being more selfish, and learning from the consequences.

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura

I know the example I gave might sound corny but I brought it up because I've literally passed by an old grandma like that a few days ago. She looked really bad  was walking by pulling her legs, in half put on sneakers, behind her. While holding a cup in front of her.

And I didn't give her even a coin or something. Just lowered my eyes down and passed by like everyone else. And gave myself a bunch of excuses like: "I need money for myself right now since I need to invest them into my own development" or "Now is not the right time" and such.

And sure, on one hand giving half of my salary away is foolish and you can't help everyone in the world anyway. But then, doing it at least once wouldn't kill me. Or maybe not even half. A third, or a fourth is still nice. But I can't do even that. Because selfishness kicks in and excuses come up. Also, where do you draw a line and decide whether you are doing enough or not?

And, this is just an example. It's not like this is an isolated case where I am especially selfish or something. I can be selfish and petty in all areas of my life.

 

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You should be worrying about the opposite.

You mean not putting enough effort into a spiritual practice and running around doing stuff in the world instead?

[Jowblob]

The real selfless state in human form  , you won't really comprehend what it is. It is god operating through you. So don't even try. If you would have high enough consciousness you would see glimpses of that in your daily life. This is where miracles come from, from the level of your own consciousness

[Thought Art]

@Something Funny Next time it rains make sure you pick up every single worm washed onto the side walk, that is true selflessness. 

[Jowblob]

4 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Something Funny Next time it rains make sure you pick up every single worm washed onto the side walk, that is true selflessness. 

It's not, true selflessness is when you do and say things in behalf of everything. Every action you do can't be more perfect because you are unity itself. The worm is just part of other form of consciousness that does a particular function that it chose to do, so it doesnt need to be saved. If a fly gets trapped in a lamp, why does it chose to die  after some hours? It doesn't choose, consciousness itself sees that it can't execute a particular function so it just lets it die. The further away consciousness splits itself from the real 'self' the less conscious it becomes and the deeper it digs for what it is.

[Theplay]

@Something Funny Hi, I have been eaten from inside by the need to "maximize" the

effect I would have on other beings, it drove me crazy and i was feeling not enough all the time.

As I've come to realize now if you save just one being you saved an entire universe.

I wrote in my notebook that if you lived your entire life and all you did was make another being

smile you have not lived in vain.

So don't put pressure on yourself.

The mere fact that you want to be selfless shows that you are on the right path.

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

 

For example, I've started learning web development this year. But I do it mainly for selfish reasons. I want to earn more money, I want to have more freedom, independence, ability to build the kind of life I want to build.

 

 

  The fun thing about reality is that there is a variety of beings all having their unique path.

If your path is programming go for it, someone else's  path might lead him to pick up your garbage

and in so we can live together while each of us plays his role.

I think that if you go with your passion you will help the world in your way.

Selflessness is selfishness taken to its extreme.

When you Really think only about you ,you will see that you don't want to be hated - and will behave with others.

You will see that you don't   like to see other beings suffer - and you will -naturally- help them.

Have a great day

Daniel.

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

I've just watched the movie "Green Mile" for the first time, and I am not going to lie, I got really inspired by it, and especially by John Coffey of course.

So my question is, how do you become more selfless. And I don't mean just feeling selfless, I mean acting more selflessly in the world. Or what actions do you need to take to become a more selfless person.

For example, I've started learning web development this year. But I do it mainly for selfish reasons. I want to earn more money, I want to have more freedom, independence, ability to build the kind of life I want to build.

But is this the best way for me to serve in this world? Am I just being lazy and cowardly and am taking a lame, uncreative, passive path forward in life?

Sure I could say that I am in the phase of developing myself, and need to focus on that first, and I can be selfless and contribute to the world afterwards. But is it actually true or am I just bullshitting myself?

You could also say that I can just go and become a volunteer somewhere. But once again, is this the best way for me to serve the world? Doing some manual grunt work?

 

Selflessness is borne of suffering. Being able to take up the cross (burden) of others as your own. However this is not sustainable, as the law of reality is everything is love. What does that mean? Any form of control that is exerted is unsustainable by default, so as a result you would need to love suffering to sustain that as a way of life.

What would that mean? That you wouldn't perceive suffering as suffering, to the outside world you would be suffering, but from your vantage point you would be experiencing love. A couple of things.

1. You will always be selfish as long as you are finite, you take up space for crying out loud THAT IS SELFISH!!! LOL.

2. The key is to become able to be both attached and detached at the same time. This means you have something you wish to perform (attached) but you do not care whether it is achieved or not. If you do care whether it is achieved by default you will push, and force to get it done reactively. This will put you in a position where there will be push back against your push. 

3. A huge aspect of selflessness is patience, the ability to be silent, and the ability to not be heard at all. You could desire to speak to someone and intuit that they would rather be heard than listen. Instead of pushing your agenda you stay silent and let them talk their behind off. Over time an openness to your message could appear, this is where you drop the seed of truth, and no matter what disagreement they have after that you do not argue. Why? Because that seed which has bypassed their defenses will do its work. 

The key is to flow, rather than force. This has been confirmed in my own direct experience. It's not always easy, but as long as you are in flow you are not stuck in ego. In the words of Bruce Lee "Be like water my friend." 

P.S. The other aspect of selflessness is learning to love everything, and I do mean everything. If you cannot see love in what you normally call "evil" you will be selfish. The desire you have, requires you ultimately to give up your human perspective and take on a divine perspective of an infinite creator. If you do this, you WILL lose many of your friends and family members because they cannot relate. Good luck!!

Edited January 8, 2023 by Razard86

[White Monk]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't worry about that. You should be worrying about the opposite.

And giving half your salary to a homeless person is foolish. You shouldn't strive for that.

What you demonstrate here are egoic fantasies of selflessness, not the real thing.

Do you have a video about selfishness, or rather selflessness and what that truly means? Im curious how you define it 

[Shane Hanlon]

This is such a wonderful question! And something so few people care to ask. Thank you for asking it
If these are the kind of things you care about, your life will be a gift to yourself and everyone who is lucky enough to come in contact with you.

Firstly true selflessness is not about which actions you do or do not do. Rather focus on the place you are coming from when you take action. Practice acting out of love and checking in with yourself throughout the day. Practice complimenting people simply because you want to make their day better. Selflessness is simple. It can be expressed in every moment. It could just be a smile.

When you grow into a healthy competent person yourself, Love and selflessness exude naturally.

Meditate. Grow a greater understanding of reality, selflessness, and love. With deeper understanding selflessness also begins to exude naturally.

Be deeply present with others. People want to feel seen and heard more than almost anything. They want to connect. People have told me before that it feels like they are the only person in the world when they are with me.

 

Learn to be radically empathetic. Caring about others' perspectives as much as you care about your own is selfless. Understand that everybody is trying their best to live a happy life. No one likes being unhappy. But people get lost and confused. Life is hard! Notice that Love can help bring them back. People need to feel loved. Love melts all problems. Learn to love others for no reason at all.

Notice that the same Love you feel for all is equally applicable to yourself. Love yourself.

[Yimpa]

Quite literally if someone were to chop your arm off right now… hell both arms. 

Can you still love yourself? Or would you wish that it didn’t happen and the person who did it should be punished?

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

By sitting in silent meditation for many hours.

 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Gura

I know the example I gave might sound corny but I brought it up because I've literally passed by an old grandma like that a few days ago. She looked really bad  was walking by pulling her legs, in half put on sneakers, behind her. While holding a cup in front of her.

And I didn't give her even a coin or something. Just lowered my eyes down and passed by like everyone else. And gave myself a bunch of excuses like: "I need money for myself right now since I need to invest them into my own development" or "Now is not the right time" and such.

It's funny you mention this because all this guilt and shame you feel is selfishness/ego at work.

True senselessness has a different quality to it. You do things out of love, not guilt.

I used have that same reaction you describe with homeless people. After my numerous awakenings, now when I see a homeless person I usually given them $20. But not in all cases because there's just too many homeless people around to give all of them money, and sometimes my mind is busy on other things. But I don't feel bad about it.

Keep in mind that many of these homeless folk are drug addicts and will just piss your money away. So giving them endless money is not necessarily gonna help them much. The reality is that giving a person money who didn't earn it doesn't change anything fundamental about their life. If you give $10k to a homeless person he will likely just burn through it and end up right back on the street. Homelessness is not a problem of lack of money, it's a much deeper problem of people having such poor minds that they are not able to control themselves.

I have established a loose rule with myself that if I see a homeless person I give $20 if I got it in my wallet. I feel this is fair enough. I walk away feeling good and so does the homeless person. It's a win-win.

Quote

You mean not putting enough effort into a spiritual practice and running around doing stuff in the world instead?

No, I meant that you should be worried that by not meditating and doing serious inner work but instead focusing on selfless action, you will actually never become selfless. That is the true danger.

You can give all your money away to the homeless, but after all that's done, you will still fundamentally be as selfish as you ever were. If only selfishness could be cured so easily! It's much deeper than that!

Edited January 9, 2023 by Leo Gura

[roopepa]

Maybe selflessness is already the case but the idea that a you wants / needs to become selfless kind of veils the fact.

[Something Funny]

Thank you for your comments guys. They are really helpful.

 

7 hours ago, Theplay said:

I think that if you go with your passion you will help the world in your way.

Yeah, but I don't think it's exactly my passion. It's just that it logically seems like the best option since I don't have any better ideas right now.

7 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Selflessness is borne of suffering. Being able to take up the cross (burden) of others as your own. However this is not sustainable, as the law of reality is everything is love. What does that mean? Any form of control that is exerted is unsustainable by default, so as a result you would need to love suffering to sustain that as a way of life.

What would that mean? That you wouldn't perceive suffering as suffering, to the outside world you would be suffering, but from your vantage point you would be experiencing love. A couple of things.

How do you learn to love suffering?

7 hours ago, Razard86 said:

1. You will always be selfish as long as you are finite, you take up space for crying out loud THAT IS SELFISH!!! LOL.

2. The key is to become able to be both attached and detached at the same time. This means you have something you wish to perform (attached) but you do not care whether it is achieved or not. If you do care whether it is achieved by default you will push, and force to get it done reactively. This will put you in a position where there will be push back against your push. 

3. A huge aspect of selflessness is patience, the ability to be silent, and the ability to not be heard at all. You could desire to speak to someone and intuit that they would rather be heard than listen. Instead of pushing your agenda you stay silent and let them talk their behind off. Over time an openness to your message could appear, this is where you drop the seed of truth, and no matter what disagreement they have after that you do not argue. Why? Because that seed which has bypassed their defenses will do its work. 

The key is to flow, rather than force. This has been confirmed in my own direct experience. It's not always easy, but as long as you are in flow you are not stuck in ego. In the words of Bruce Lee "Be like water my friend."

Flow not push. Sounds easier said than done, but I get what you are talking about. How do you live in a flow? Are there any actions that help you get on track with it. Like let's say you wake up and want to live that day in a flow, what do you do?

 

5 hours ago, Shane Hanlon said:

Firstly true selflessness is not about which actions you do or do not do. Rather focus on the place you are coming from when you take action. Practice acting out of love and checking in with yourself throughout the day. Practice complimenting people simply because you want to make their day better. Selflessness is simple. It can be expressed in every moment. It could just be a smile.

When you grow into a healthy competent person yourself, Love and selflessness exude naturally.

Meditate. Grow a greater understanding of reality, selflessness, and love. With deeper understanding selflessness also begins to exude naturally.

Be deeply present with others. People want to feel seen and heard more than almost anything. They want to connect. People have told me before that it feels like they are the only person in the world when they are with me.

 

Learn to be radically empathetic. Caring about others' perspectives as much as you care about your own is selfless. Understand that everybody is trying their best to live a happy life. No one likes being unhappy. But people get lost and confused. Life is hard! Notice that Love can help bring them back. People need to feel loved. Love melts all problems. Learn to love others for no reason at all.

Thank you that's great life advise.