Mentally Exhausted..

[MellowD]

I feel like I have has been the care giver in my family from a very young age. Dealing with a mentally ill mother its hard not to. Tragedy has hit our lives last october my 8 year old neice was struck by a car and killed. I have been taking care of two household (my sisters and mine on the weekend mostly) I know she will have to do things on her own soon. My mom is starting to show early signs of a breakdown. Acting really religous and things that i know to be warning signs. My brother is having a hip replacement surgery and I will be giving him some of my time soon with his kids. I am a stay at home mom with a 2 year old so I do what I can. I am scared that this will all be to much for me. I can  take being with my sis and taking care of my brother. I cannot handle if  my mom loses her mind again. I really dont feel like I have it in me. I dont sit around with victim thinking to much . I cant. I am a goober and joke and love life. I am just really scared and have no energy. I dont want to break down myself....

[Prabhaker]

15 hours ago, MellowD said:

I am just really scared and have no energy. I dont want to break down myself....

Unless you learn meditation you cannot change your breakdown into a breakthrough. The whole alchemy of meditation is to change breakdown into breakthrough. 

Under tension, anxiety, anguish you can break down, but breakdown is not a breakthrough. Breakdown brings you below the mind; it is insanity. Breakthrough comes out of watching the mind in deep silence, in great awareness. Then you go beyond the mind and to go beyond the mind is to attain authentic sanity.

Listen to http://osho.radio.net/ while completely relaxing. It will calm your mind. 

Osho said that

“I don't speak to teach something; I speak to create something. These are not lectures; these are simply a device for you to become silent, because if you are told to become silent without making any effort you will find great difficulty.”

" My words keep you awake, and just between the words I give you gaps. And those are the real, essential things. Waiting for another word, you have to listen to silence.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=osho+english

 

Edited March 2, 2017 by Prabhaker

[Elton]

@MellowD mindfull rest and meditation can do wonders. 

[Prabhaker]

On 3/2/2017 at 3:09 AM, MellowD said:

I cannot handle if  my mom loses her mind again.

Accept all sufferings. If you don´t escape, if you allow the suffering to be there, if you are ready to face it, if you are not trying somehow to forget it, then you are different. Suffering is there but just around you; it is not in the center, it is on the periphery. It is impossible for suffering to be in the center; it is not in the nature of things. It is always on the periphery and you are the center.

So when you allow it to happen, you don´t escape, you don´t run, you are not in a panic, suddenly you become aware that suffering is there on the periphery as if happening to someone else, not to you, and you are looking at it. A subtle joy spreads all over your being because you have realized one of the basic truths of life, that you are bliss and not suffering.

With a real, authentic meditation you will suffer more, because you will become more aware. So if you start meditation and you do not suffer, it means it is not meditation, but just a hypnosis. That means you are just drugging yourself. You are becoming more unconscious.

Anything which makes you less aware of your suffering is antireligious. Anything that makes you more aware of your suffering, and which helps you encounter it without escaping, is religious. 

If you do not escape, if you remain there with your suffering, one day suffering will disappear and you will have grown into more awareness.

Suffering disappears in two ways. You become unconscious; then suffering disappears for you. But, really, suffering remains there. It cannot disappear. It remains there! Really, your consciousness has disappeared, so you cannot feel it, you cannot be aware of it. If you become more conscious, in the meantime you will have to suffer more. But accept suffering as a part of growth, as a part of training, as just a discipline, and then one day, when your consciousness has gone beyond your suffering, suffering will disappear not just for you – it will disappear objectively. Use suffering as a stepping-stone; do not escape from it. If you escape from it, you are escaping from your destiny, from the possibility of going beyond knowledge by using suffering as a device.

[egoeimai]

I have a different opinion. 

I believe we should enjoy life. We came here to enjoy everything.

Try to remember that noone is responsible for our "suffering". First and foremost, do not blame the circumstances,the people around you or the "bad luck" you believe that you are having at the current moment.

Try to make peace with where you are. This is the essense of happiness. Search for the positive aspects,write them down and talk about them all the time. Believe that they are there and feel them. Do something in order to feel relief and don't talk about the things that are bothering you.

Good luck,

Popi. 

[Arman]

I have no experienced these kind of hardships so I am not in much of a position to give advice, but supposedly boundless energy and joy are not products of our environment, but of our inner condition and willingness to meet life. Maybe it is possible to be very, very happy even under circumstances that would crush others. Perhaps these challenges will serve as your opportunity to explore and see if it's true. Maybe it is true, maybe it isn't, but if your family circumstances are not going to change soon, then I hope you find the courage and strength to find out. 

[MellowD]

Thank you all! I definitely use humor alot to get by. I feel like it helps. I will keep going and build myself from the ground up. I can do this. I am a strong independent black women