A rant against polyamory

[IAmReallyImportant]

There could also be a polygamous relationship that works better than a monogamous. But this doesn't make for the big data. These would be just outliers.

This could be like a completely messed-up monogamous relationship and a superficial polygamous relationship-set with 3 people instead of 30 e.g. that somehow works, but isn't as good as a 2 pair romatic relationship could go.

Edited January 5, 2023 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

However, if you have a partner, who is not compatible with you, then of course a monogamous relationship cannot get that good..

[IAmReallyImportant]

14 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Synergetic effects would lead to chaos and regulation-problems, as there is resistance in the system because of egos. So it is an unstable system, which can rarely work and if so, the quality would not be better than on a single-resource distributed one.

Ok, you could damp the system using regulative policies. But this would soon become very complicated and you basically would feel more restricted than in a mongamous relationship.

Moreover this would cost even more resources etc.

Even if something like that would work - as said logically you get deeper with less partners, so 1 partner would be the deepest as you spend more resources on that.

There are of course people who would say "it hasn't be that complicated it can work just like that". These people are unconcious about all ego-dynamics, their biases and evtl. consequences.

Edited January 5, 2023 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

Last thing is that is worth mentioning is that hierarchies would arise, as the do naturally in different situations under animals e.g. or nature in general.

It is true that there is also a hierachie in a 2 pair relationship, but the higher the level of the hierarchy-tree, the more inequality develops. You see that in finance, evolution of cities etc.

Edited January 5, 2023 by IAmReallyImportant

[zurew]

51 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

How could they distribute more, in which situations? : D

More people can earn more money collectively and because they have more money, they can have more freedom in deciding how they want to spend their time, so basically they can manage their relationship better.

47 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

There could also be a polygamous relationship that works better than a monogamous. But this doesn't make for the big data. These would be just outliers.

So you agree , that for some (even if the number is really low,) but for some people this type of relationship can work.

36 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Even if something like that would work - as said logically you get deeper with less partners, so 1 partner would be the deepest as you spend more resources on that.

Again, the logical extenstion to this  logic is that  it eventually leads to not having a family, children and abandoning every friendship, because then you can maximize your time with your one partner. I assume, you wouldn't advocate for that, so we can recognize that it is all about where you draw your line.

18 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

It is true that there is also a hierachie in a 2 pair relationship, but the higher the level of the hierarchy-tree, the more inequality develops. You see that in finance, evolution of cities etc

You are talking about power dynamics and every relationship has its own power dynamics, and that alone is not a net negative or negative.

 

I will ask the question again: If there is an individual who is okay with higher chance of cathing stds and is okay with not having kids, why shouldn't he pursue a poly relationship?

Edited January 5, 2023 by zurew

[ThermalTide]

1 hour ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

I believe that there is a difference between someone who is heterosexual looking at homosexual pdas and someone who is heterosexual being persuaded by polyamorous relationships. Since man is polygamous, there is a difference.

I am not interested in opinions but facts. You can have your opinion. You can't stop anyone from misguiding other people or condoning unhealthy behavior. That would also be too exhausting.

fact is that people are going to be polyamorous regardless of anyone's opinions... idk man I'm not following you tbh. You're not saying anything of substance

[zurew]

1 hour ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

I am not interested in opinions but facts. You can have your opinion. You can't stop anyone from misguiding other people or condoning unhealthy behavior. That would also be too exhausting.

All of this talk is grounded in subjective valuesystems, you have no upperhand.

[IAmReallyImportant]

1 minute ago, zurew said:

All of this talk is grounded in subjective valuesystems, you have no upperhand.

This is a subjective statement, as you have no rational argument underlying that.

I just look at what is actual and it doesn't make any sense to me, why a polyamorous relationship could be good in any ways, other than fulfilling one's own needs.

There are relationships, which are polyamorous that somehow work, but this is the minority. All polyamorous relationships I have seen didn't last longer than 5-7 years. And basically that is also what the data suggest approx.

You can of course live that - I don't care. It doesn't change the objective facts and logic.

[IAmReallyImportant]

28 minutes ago, KH2 said:

@IAmReallyImportant You seem to be pretty passionate about the topic, eh?

Yes, I shouldn't do that. I did response and then I start analyzing the situation and try to anticipate different perspectives. It is not worth the time, as basically people are stubborn and only bring a few valuable arguments. Bad habit.

[IAmReallyImportant]

31 minutes ago, zurew said:

More people can earn more money collectively and because they have more money, they can have more freedom in deciding how they want to spend their time, so basically they can manage their relationship better.

But they have as much money as they would have alone and now they have to spend more on dates, events etc. When you have multiple persons participating on the relationship you have to take the time unless you plan less for them.

[IAmReallyImportant]

@zurewI don't think that's fruitful. You obviously want to be right and you can in your world.

However, you see this becomes an endless discussion so we should stop. You can add what you want now, this doesn't make it better.

[hoodrow trillson]

Don’t let OP find out monogamous relationships can also fucking suck lol

[Lyubov]

I’m fine with poly when it’s open on my side and closed on her’s. It’s a double standard but I don’t care. I believe if a guy can offer a ton of societal value he can find a relationship like this. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

I didn't want to drag anyone down, so I apologize if this is the case. Like I don't feel well in pushing buttons or activating the ego in people. This is not on purpose, at least conciously.

Edited January 5, 2023 by IAmReallyImportant

[ivankiss]

51 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

Don’t let OP find out monogamous relationships can also fucking suck lol

Oh trust me, I know. This is exactly why people start indulging in open relationships. Because they are tired of things never working out. They tired of the pain, heart and head ache. Disappointment, etc.  So they give up, in that sense, and just start fucking around. Instead of diving deep and resolving the root issues that led to dysfunctional relationships in the first place. It's an easy way out. But it only lead to more sickness long term.

Polyamory is fundamentally rooted in dysfunction. There 's just no way of denying that. It might work for a while, for a few people who share the same wounds, but it's just not a healthy thing.

22 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I’m fine with poly when it’s open on my side and closed on her’s. It’s a double standard but I don’t care. I believe if a guy can offer a ton of societal value he can find a relationship like this. 

They girl I'm seeing now kinda feels the same, and she's Russian too. Must be a Russian thing haha!

[Lyubov]

8 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Oh trust me, I know. This is exactly why people start indulging in open relationships. Because they are tired of things never working out. They tired of the pain, heart and head ache. Disappointment, etc.  So they give up, in that sense, and just start fucking around. Instead of diving deep and resolving the root issues that led to dysfunctional relationships in the first place. It's an easy way out. But it only lead to more sickness long term.

Polyamory is fundamentally rooted in dysfunction. There 's just no way of denying that. It might work for a while, for a few people who share the same wounds, but it's just not a healthy thing.

They girl I'm seeing now kinda feels the same, and she's Russian too. Must be a Russian thing haha!

My gf is Russian as well and said it’s fine to take another girl into the bedroom for a threesome and wouldn’t be that mad if I cheated on her and she is fiercely loyal and aludes to it being open on my side as something that wouldn’t be relationship ending for her. Really feminine energy loves to serve and care for what the masculine desires. I’ve noticed this when both people are really on opposite ends of the pole. I believe men can enjoy multiple women but it’s going against nature the other way around, although it is fine for women to explore if they wish but many men aren’t really open for this role to be reversed if both will then have a traditional relationship together. Most guys don’t want a woman that has had so many guys before but the other way around is experience for a man and seen as attractive by women.

Edited January 5, 2023 by Lyubov

[Jacob Morres]

???? Been there done that. It's a painful experience. Still recovering and trying to move with integrity now 

[eos_nyxia]

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

My gf is Russian as well and said it’s fine to take another girl into the bedroom for a threesome and wouldn’t be that mad if I cheated on her and she is fiercely loyal and aludes to it being open on my side as something that wouldn’t be relationship ending for her. Really feminine energy loves to serve and care for what the masculine desires. I’ve noticed this when both people are really on opposite ends of the pole. I believe men can enjoy multiple women but it’s going against nature the other way around, although it is fine for women to explore if they wish but many men aren’t really open for this role to be reversed if both will then have a traditional relationship together. Most guys don’t want a woman that has had so many guys before but the other way around is experience for a man and seen as attractive by women.

This just sounds a slightly different version of being a "pick me" girl, lol.

[Loba]

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Lila9 said:

Russian women many times act like doormats in relationships with men. I say it as a woman from this culture. Being a doormat doesn't represent healthy femininity for me, but a distorted patriarchal form of femininity which I loathe. I always hated this about Russian culture, Russian men are usually weak, sexist and lazy, I've seen this tendency to please them in my mom and other women in my familiy my entire life. This kind of behavior never made them content, only misrable and sick.

 

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

Probably just a poor girl with self-esteem issues and traumas either from bad parenting or past relationships, which you are either knowingly or unknowingly exploiting.

Being okay with polyamory is one thig but saying stuff like "I wouldn't be that mad if you cheated on me" and even having a conversation like this in the first place is a 100% giveaway, lol.

I wouldn't be surprised if she just would act casually about it while hurting on the inside and dreaming that you would fully commit to her one day.

 

I don’t think either of you are totally off. There is some truth to what both you said about Russian women and my gf. She does have low self esteem and past traumas. I’m doing what I can to help her boost it, but I can’t magically “heal” her. She also wants me to fully commit but I’ve stated it clearly to her I’m not interested in planning out my future with her and don’t want one relationship for the rest of my life. For the record I’ve never cheated on her and I don’t want to live a double life like that. I think it is more a patriarchy style type of relationship I have and Russian women have in general, and I could be exploiting her in some ways (I believe she is doing the same to me as well) but I don’t know any sort of alternative to this. I don’t yet have the life experience like that to choose some ideal relationship free of beliefs that are embroiled a lot with what society has laid out. The only alternatives being sold to me now are stage green feminism relationships which look utterly dreadful. I don’t want to date a woman with a manly vibe to her and I might as well turn in my balls if I’m going to date how I see them do in New York. I believe this alternative ruins the passion. I would like to hear about some alternatives and your thoughts on this because I want to be with someone who is arousing and passionate for me and I feel like a man around (my beliefs of what a man is, maybe could use some working on) and when I’ve tried on beliefs to do with stage green relationships it basically kills all, what we can call “old school” sexual tension of being with a feminine woman.