The idea of a "Dream Girl" needs to be questioned

[Bob Seeker]

I'm pretty sure that the only good reason to enter into a relationship with someone is because you feel like yourself around them and you just like being around them. This should have nothing to do with attraction. It is what kind of person you are in the relationship that is literally the only thing that matters.

 

Most people enter a relationship because of a mixture of a few things:

1. They are attracted to the person (physical flattery)

2. They think the person's personality is sexy (emotional flattery)

3. They have compatibilities with the person and like to talk to them

4. They are lonely, bored and afraid by themselves (emotional dependence)

 

They only reason supportive of  a good relationship is number 3. The other things are irrelevant to a good relationship, and number 4 is detrimental, and this is why most relationships don't last.

 

They are focused on the other person and what that person gives them, rather than being focused on who they are being in the relationship.

 

One reasonable thing to do for a man is to go and bang a bunch of hot girls and have flings and have fun with them, and then when he wants a substantial relationship, do it for the relationship, not for numbers 1, 2, or 4. He doesn't need his "dream girl". This is completely irrelevant. The relationship is what matters (who he is in relationship), not the girl. And the relationship doesn't have to last forever. Only people who form emotional attachments to numbers 1, 2, and 4 demand this.

 

In other words, she doesn't have to be physically attractive or emotionally turn you on, unless you still want to play games but notice this does not benefit your ability to have a good relationship. She should just be someone you feel like yourself around and enjoy relating to.

 

I don’t know what a girl would ideally do, given her psychology. I just can't put myself in a woman's shoes as easily.

critique my idea.

Edited January 4, 2023 by Bob Seeker

[John Paul]

I’m gonna critique your approach instead- so much can change as far as two people being compatible throughout your 20s, that’s not to say that two people can’t grow through this together. In that case your looking for someone with a strong/beautiful spirit (aka someone mature for their age). But they’re really a needle in a haystack- especially in the early 20s which I read on another post that is your age range.

My suggestion would be one of two things- 1. Just start having a LOT of fun. Go out and have a time man, feel all the feelings, have a beer in moderation, weed in moderation, kiss a lot of girls, have sex when you can *with a condom*, and I swear you’re gonna get attached to one- when you get attached then decide if you think she’s mature enough and/or compatible enough. You may make a wrong decision and someone has to get dumped. 2. Earn a lot of money, like a lot. Buy houses or business and just do whatever it takes to get rich. It will take you at least five years and after five years you’ll be in your late 20s, where at least as far as maturity goes the pickings are a little bit better (they never get much better… people are immature… the maturity plateau probably stops at 30 except for people doing serious personal development later in life)

[Devin]

Have you had a relationship where you lose attraction?

I haven't been able to do it, and I'm biased but I don't think I'm shallow. I won't try wasting another girl's time if she's only borderline attractive, you usually see only their best early on. I haven't known many women that actually give a man much, like the things you're describing. Relationships don't tend to be even in all aspects, the traditional stuff besides the abuse is sort of what works,for me anyway, I'm sure the newer way works for a lot of people too though, I'm not saying you're wrong for you.

Edited January 4, 2023 by Devin

[Eyowey]

Relationships are mostly about sex. This is proven by the fact that a straight person will never be in a relationship with a gay person and vice versa.