Bloomers Blooming Updates

[bloomer]

I journal and I think that I might as well take what I'm journalling and thinking about and chuck it out there into the internet so maybe someone besides me might, although unlikely, find some use in it. So that's the plan with this thread jounral. Reading back over what I type up is embarrassing sometimes but if I'm being honest it doesn't matter because I'm anonymous so I'm happy to embarrass myself to you all lol. Plus no one's really gonna be reading so who cares anyway? It's the new year. I plan on journalling more and just writing my thoughts more so I'll this forum more hopefully. Try to actually stick to my new year's resolutions. I expect absolutely nothing from this, I don't expect anything I type up to be read. I just like doing it, albeit it being shit, but it's for my own amusement. If you're reading this than congratulations. I hope you will find something that I've written of use. 

"Authentic writing usually comes from moments where you didn't really plan to write, just felt like it. If you write because you want to be "smart", you will fail." 

I don't know where I found the above quote but it's on my journal so thought I would put it. Read a book called Mastery by George Leonard, not to be mistaken with Mastery by Robert Greene. Another book that I need to read and will at some point. 

George has a chapter in his book titled "7. Key 3: Surrender 81" 

Taken from my notes on the chapter - 

"Learning almost any significant skill involves certain indignities. You have to surrender yourself to the process and tackle those indignities and failures head on, without complaint and with deliberation or as George Leonard puts it; intentionality."

Taken directly from the book - 

"The courage of a master is measured by his or her willingness to surrender. This means surrendering to your teacher and to the demands of your discipline. It also means surrendering your own hard-won proficiency from time to time in order to reach a higher or different level of proficiency." 

"And then there are the endless repetitions, the drudgery, the basic moves practiced over and over again. Who but a fool would embark on a musical career in the full knowledge that he or she might end up repeating all the major and minor scales perhaps a hundred thousand times each? To some people that prospect alone might seem to justify resisting any surrender." 

"Perhaps the best you can hope for on the master's journey whether your art be management or marriage, badminton or ballet is to cultivate the mind and heart of the beginning at every stage along the way. For the master, surrender means there are no experts. There are only learners." 

So that's what I am, a learner, and if you're reading this blog and go on and continue more of whatever I decide to write, you will see me learn and make some mistakes, indignities and all. 

Here are my new years resolutions as of now. 

1. Read more books this year
2. Practice guitar more
3. Get off my phone and social media
4. Journal more
5. Complete give up smoking and vape less
6. Fix my sleeping schedule which is tough with work but can be done
7. Cook more. I started cooking meals in bulk which I need to get back into
8. Go back to the gym, I've been slacking on this for a while
9. Meditation habit again
10. Practice chess more, instead of any videogames
11. Be more social
12. Manage my money better
13. Play less videogames
14. Drink less coffee, I've been drinking now at least 3 cups a day. Stopping myself from drinking any more past 1pm
15. Schedule better. Using google calendar

These are just some general habits I've decided to focus on more in the new year. Pretty broad but I've broken them down into steps for myself.

I use discord a lot as well so if any of you want to contact me and have a back and forth here is my @ bloomer#5200

Much love and good wishes on your self actualization journey whatever form that may take

Edited January 4, 2023 by bloomer
Put bloomer#2000 instead of bloomer#5200

[bloomer]

Been sticking to some resolutions but when I focus on one others slip. I need to just pick one and focus on one until it's really ingrained as a habit. That's the plan for the remainder of this month. A lot of thought lately about what the fuck I'm supposed to do with my life. It's easy to buy a course on life purpose or whatever else. It just seems silly to me. I just need to learn a skill I can monetize, put some effort in it, and monetize it. That's one big goal this year is to start making enough money where I can actually have some Independence which is seeming more and more impossible. But I'm actively trying not to be demotivated or consume/read anything that drags my motivation or morale down. Which I'm finding harder and harder to do because I'm kind of addicted to negative thinking. I rationalize it to myself that you have to focus on the bad if you want to make things better. You want to see the bad in the world so you can attempt to make a positive change. But the world is really a shitty place, things are pretty crazy and the more I read and think the more life just becomes absurder and absurder. Looking back on my journal back to the end of 2021 and seeing that I'm repeating the same things now I was over a year ago is depressing. Looking at the simplicity of my resolutions too is depressing. Makes me think what life is about. I go to the gym more and more now and it's what breaks my day up between work and the gym. Just to repeat painful motions again and again. What's it all for? lol. Wrote this in my journal over a year ago ass end of 2021. Whenever I read back on what I write I cringe I just hope if I keep doing it, it will get less cringy. 

Quote

People operate what I think of as a script, they live life generally passively, pushed into motion and kept going through momentum alone. It resembles a man running down a hill who would fall over if he tried to stop, and can stay on his feet only by running on. The momentum is pushed forward by the inherent drive not to fall and hurt one's self, pushed forward by a fundamental fear. I think that I'm someone who has tripped and found myself standing. I've lost momentum, life presented me with some obstacles and I tripped. Now I stand still, time still marches forward of, but there is a feeling that something isn't right. Something is wrong, deeply wrong with life and I don't know how to get back into motion. 

I've fallen into some crack and I've been sitting here waiting pissing away time for years now and it obviously got worse as it did for a lot of people in 2020. Might make a thread elsewhere actually come to think of it. How are you supposed to get out of this crack? One reason I made this thread yesterday and the new one today. Well one cause I saw all those Andrew Tate videos then watched Leos new video. I'd heard of Tate years ago from watching red pill manosphere videos on youtube so it was entertaining to me when he got as popular as he did. I remember a few months ago I went on a binge watch of this dudes videos and had a fucking dream where he and his brother popped up, you know that's a bad sign. 

I think he appealed to me because he said that as a man, you're on your own and for a long time I've felt bad being on my own because I've thought that people are supposed to have a community and in a sense depend on other people. In part Tate helped to liberate me from that idea. Also so much of being a man is about being masculine. Men are condition largely to spend their whole lives chasing masculinity largely to impress and provide for women. If you remove women from a mans life, no family, no family no one to provide for, no wife to love and to bring you happiness, no children to motivate and drive you to work to give them a future. So what the fuck are you supposed to do with the rest of you life when you don't get to stay on the script like other people? That's why I made this thread.

Something I'm working on is what I'm exactly living the rest of my life for. If I should find a way to get back on track, back operating on the script like everyone else. If I should choose and shape some other path. If I do what will that look like. I think I've become to self aware. At the end of the day life happens to you or you happen to it. So either way something is going to happen and has been. I just want what happens to be what I want. So I need to figure this out because not knowing is miserable and I'm very demotivated atm. 

Edited January 17, 2023 by bloomer
tidy up the paragraph spacing & attach image

[bloomer]

Good point in the video about the problems with too many choices https://www.bitchute.com/video/p2cYgzMI52im/ which I've known for a long time. Example of the Lotus Eaters guy is supermarkets limit their options because people buy more when there's less options. It's the same with careers, when you believe you have too many options you end up doing nothing because you can't choose. I like Charles Bukowski's 'don't try'. 

The Chesterton quote "A thing worth doing is worth doing poorly".

For most things in life, especially the important things, it is more important for a person to do them, even poorly, than not do them because they can't be done perfectly. Maybe a barbell theory is good? Do all the shit you need to in a minimal way (poorly), but do whatever calls to you as best you can? It's just about finding that which is worth doing even if it's done poorly and then trying to do it the best you. While divorcing yourself as much as you can from the results of the pursuit. 

Either way though you're still gonna be living life, having a good time or a shit time, time will still be going on. So regardless. Just do what you want. I'm doing what I want and gonna try to deal with all the rest of you fuckers as best as I can lol.