Dating Apps: a matter of patience, or are they useless?

[GroovyGuru]

I think it's a tough spot to be in on dating apps at my age of 24. Women are obviously flooded with options. What happens to me is that I'll get a few matches a week, several of which I am highly interested in and would easily go on a date with. And of course, they either totally ignore my initial message, or we chat for a bit (and sometimes it's a great chat, those sting the most) and they eventually suddenly stop responding or unmatch me. I'm fully aware this is not a unique experience and likely happens to 80-90% of guys on the apps.

Aside from hiring a professional photogropher, I'm not too sure how to increase my chances. My photos are good, and in a few you can see me traveling (I have a pic in Italy, and one with the Eiffel Tower behind me). I clearly show off my interests, and I am quite good at texting and being funny and spontaneous. I'm just wondering if it's a matter of patience, or if they are seriously not worth the time? I think at the very least I'm gonna take a break because all of this ghosting has me feeling quite defeated and lonely.

In general, it seems dating for young men nowadays is quite tough with how selective women can afford to be (not blaming them, they have every right to be). But it leaves me wondering what it is they want exactly? I make more money than most people my age (and will make a lot more soon), I have a nice apartment, am fit, educated, interesting hobbies etc. I may have literally no choice but to change strategies and do the night game stuff, even though I am starting to fucking loathe going out as I now see it as a total waste of time and money, and I'm starting to really get sick of the shallow and meaningless socialization. 

[Kshantivadin]

6 hours ago, GroovyGuru said:

all of this ghosting has me feeling quite defeated and lonely.

defeated? 

If you wanna succeed online, you must change your attitude. You're overinvesting in the matches and thats also partly (or mostly) the reason why you're bombing it. Practice zero investment until you meet up. Better yet, practice minimal investment until sex. 

I'm not invalidating your feelings btw, but your feelings are a clear sign of overinvestment and lack of abundance.

Mind sharing me your profile in DMs? I could give you some advice. 

[something_else]

I've had a pretty identical experience to you. I got some results from dating apps but not anything exceptional. My adivce is just to leave them running in the background but not pay all that much attention. Get a decent profile, let the app run, swipe to your limit once a day and forget about it the rest of the time.

Then use going out as the time when you know you can actually meet and talk to high quality girls consistently

[max duewel]

First of all, how many people live in your area?  Second are you sure you have a killer profile? Are you sure you have a good text game and know how to move things forward and close a date?

It's normal to close 1 person out of 100 matches if your profile is not the 1%. 

[John Paul]

what about bumble?  I heard it’s easier and more legit for finding dates 

[StarStruck]

80% of the women on the app go after the - top - 20% of the men on the app.

If you belong to the 20% segment you will slay on the app.

[something_else]

59 minutes ago, John Paul said:

what about bumble?  I heard it’s easier and more legit for finding dates 

I find Bumble is way worse in terms of match rate where I live. I'm lucky to get a match a week on it. But then when I was in London for a few days I got like 20 in two days which was crazy, while on Tinder there my matches dropped to zero. Meanwhile where I live I can normally maybe get 2-3 matches a day on Tinder if I'm not too picky.

Dating apps are weird man. It's very tough to reason about them.

I think Tinder loses some popularity in big cities like London because almost every second profile is some fucker who's 6 thousand miles away using passport and you can't hide those users from your feed with the distance settings.

Edited January 4, 2023 by something_else

[meta_male]

2 hours ago, John Paul said:

what about bumble?  I heard it’s easier and more legit for finding dates 

Heard so too. My friend has dates all the time via Bumble.

[mr_engineer]

Dating-apps are utterly useless. A total waste of time. It's paradoxical how we delude ourselves into thinking that going online will help us improve our offline life. 

Don't waste a second of your life on them. Build your offline real life. 

[Lyubov]

They are definitely not useless. Results may vary though. Your photos, style and physical location play a huge role however. 

[meta_male]

6 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

It's paradoxical how we delude ourselves into thinking that going online will help us improve our offline life. 

You're killing me, bro ?

[something_else]

44 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

we delude ourselves into thinking that going online will help us improve our offline life

Spot the irony haha

[mr_engineer]

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

Spot the irony haha

I'm not here to improve my offline life, I'm here to cope with it. 

[Grateful Dead]

@GroovyGuru Going out to clubs can be amazing! It's one of the most meaningful things in my life and i'm not really an extroverted guy.

Dating apps should only be a side thing that you can't expect anything from.

which kind of music do you like?