I feel close to an awakening, but maybe that is my spiritual ego talking

[Ampresus]

Happy late new year!

Last week I decided I had enough of feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and meditated an entire day. Kind of like a solo retreat in my own home.

I would meditate on the couch, the usual crossed legs position, when I was eating, basically the entire day. I did a combination of Leo's satisfaction meditation and the Letting Go technique as described by David R. Hawkins in his book. I didn't expect this to magically fix all my problems, but it was either this or the dark path towards suicide. What I experienced astonished me, though I am sure it wasn't an awakening or God realization.

I had multiple moments of bliss. I would have zero thoughts for a solid period of time every so often on that day. As I let go more, I realized that I am not my emotions or my thoughts. What I AM yet however I have not fully realized, but this still felt like a huge step. I keep identifying with my thoughts and feelings, even though I have realized before that they do not represent me for who I am. I actively choose to identify with them. With this into account, I realize going about day-to-day life without identifying with your thoughts or emotions is remains difficult. When the feelings become too much however, I switch over to a certain awareness and stillness before I unidentify with said feelings. Even in social settings. On New Year's Eve I was at a party. Even though I was quite intoxicated, there were times where I would hear sounds of people talking and music blasting, yet all I could do was realize it was just in my head. Like the meaning of the sounds or the feelings from being drunk, were just that. Sounds and feelings. They were not me. I gave them meaning, but inherently there was none.

I hope some of you can help me out here since I am not quite sure what I am experiencing. I still have my moments where I will take a step back and just observe what is happening to me. My thoughts, feelings, noises, sounds, sights etc. I have tried to "push" this by asking "what am I?", yet my current answer feels incomplete. I feel close to an awakening, but since I have never had one before I am afraid it is my spiritual ego talking. I notice the intrusive thoughts sometimes where I will hype myself up or feel superior because I can see from this weird unidentifying perspective while others can't, only to realize that is my spiritual ego making this a power game somehow.

[WelcometoReality]

@Ampresus I think you're onto something. 

Awakenings doesn't need to be one big explosive experience however. Sometimes they happen gradually over days, weeks or years. It seems like your practice is working so I would continue with as before.