How to stop being stupid with money?

[Butters]

I still struggle with this. I'm self employed and have wasted a lot of money last year on bullshit like weed, food, going out, smoking and disposable vapes, even webcam apps. 

I've now started budgeting more strictly but still so easy to go over. I can be disciplined about this on Monday, think about keeping my money and investing it into all sorts of good but then go back to this bad habit on Tuesday. 

It's like my brain associates this reckless spending with freedom "aaah I can make an exception" feels like I'm taking back my freedom. 

[Ulax]

@Butters Perhaps a meditation practice could help.

You could learn to watch and process through the urges that come up.

[LastThursday]

Some practical tips that have worked for me in the past:

• Pay for as many things as possible with cash.
• Withdraw a set amount of cash each week and use that.
• Set up a second bank account and automatically transfer a set amount each week/month from your main bank account.
• Check your bank account balance every day.

It's better to use cash because you can keep track of how much you spend more easily. If you go over your weekly quota, then you should wait until the next week. Ideally, you would also pay for food with cash. The second bank account should be a savings account and if possible not have a bank card associated with it, it should be hard to get at the money. Checking your balance will force you to think about your money regularly.

And, if you do one thing this year, I would advise giving up smoking. It's really expensive.

[Thought Art]

Read the richest man in babylon

[caspex]

The associating spending with freedom is a very common problem, is the same with me. What has worked for me is to track my spending using an app such as MyMoney and then figuring out what category I spend the most on, which I really shouldn't really be spending on. Then reducing that, using techniques from Atomic Habits. Although I am not yet a master of managing my finance, I am just telling you what has worked for me in the past months.

Edited January 2, 2023 by Swarnim

[Roy]

Get a tracking app on your phone, there are plenty of free ones. You'll make less bad decisions when your stupidity is so easily on display.

[WalterM]

I agree with Roy, the first thing is tracking your expenses, so that you can visualize where the money is going. The second thing would be to start saving a percentage of your income, even if you start as low as 5%.

[John Paul]

Spend some alone time thinking about the reasons why it would be good if you don’t spend today or the next day and why it would be bad if you did.

[Thought Art]

Start to value having money, over the things you can buy with it. Take pride and joy in seeing your savings go up. 
 

Read some finance books, look at your bank account more, set goals, never quit because it takes time and effort to change this. 

[Thought Art]

1. Create a personal finance excel workbook. Treat it as an ever growing thing. Keep it simple but use. To calculate your income vs fixed expenses. You should know how much money is coming in, and what is going at at least each month. 10% of what you make, save. 
 

Buy finance books, and build the workbook over time. 
 

Also, actually look at your pay stubs and begin to understand them. Save them. 
 

Envsion this simple yet powerful concept: every month I have more in my savings than I did before. 
 

except: if you have debt pay that first. Except for student loans/ low interest loans… you should save regardless. Find your own balance here.
 

lastly, make your own decisions. I’m not qualified to give hard financial or investment advice.
 

Your savings is one of the most valuable things you can develop. More valuable than petty dumb stuff. It’s your castle wall. Build a mighty one, or be overthrown by outside armies.

When you have 0$ to spend, there is $15,000 in your savings. Then, you say “wow, I’m flat broke”. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Thought Art

[flowboy]

@Butters  These kinds of compulsions tend to, at their root, be stronger than any strategy.

Yes you can discipline yourself to not spend a lot of money, but then the compulsion will morph into something else, another way to rebel, make exceptions, find that freedom. Could become anything from just a ton of body tension, or more unhealthy food exceptions, to creating more drama in your relationship, to migraines.

Not to dismiss practical strategies, they can work, and if you have a practical need for this change, you should practice discipline, but the core impulse of it won't go away like that and find another outlet. Maybe a more innocent one, or maybe one that you will have less conscious awareness of and is therefore more sneaky.

The reason is that they are rooted in a part of the brain that is deeper and more powerful than thinking, awake consciousness (the symbolizing cortex).

It could be unprocessed feelings from childhood, or it could be unprocessed pain from infanthood. Usually a combination.

You'll probably assume at first that you don't have a significant amount of that, and you'll be wrong, but it could not be any other way. It's by definition unconscious material.

What I would recommend is to yes, patch the leak with discipline and strategies, but also work on the long term solution, which is to diminish the compulsion by letting out the energy that drives it.

A good way to do this, is to use the compulsion as a way in.

In your case this would be:

1. Find moments where you are about to spend a lot of money compulsively
2. Don't do it, deny yourself any relief (can be hard to do in the beginning, but be patient)
3. When you successfully held back the compulsion, lie down somewhere and inspect how you feel
4. The discomfort can be identified as a body feeling, and upon further inspection, an emotion too
5. Then ask: is it familiar?
6. With practice, your subconscious will hand you some past painful scenarios
7. While lying down, go over those scenarios and feel the pain of them.
8. If done properly, it's really scary and feels like you might die, but you won't.

This is how you cure it without it then morphing into something else.

Takes a few months of practice though, during which your compulsions will diminish and you'll get more sense of wholeness as a person.

Edited January 12, 2023 by flowboy

[Michael Jackson]

Make a rule, not to buy online unless it's unavoidable.

Also only pay with real money, not with card or phone.

[Blackbeat]

Money.