Stroll & Scroll

[Gladius]

This year's resolution is to keep being a bit more of an "asshole". For a recovering people pleaser like me, this just means being a functional man. Lately, this is working quite well.

Happy new year, guys.

[Gladius]

All going well. In terms of health, feeling better than ever. I improved my diet by cutting off sugar and gluten, which were causing a lot of damage.

My career keeps its course without a doubt since I shifted two years ago. There is a breakthrough expected in the upcoming months, so looking forward to that. However, my life is still a bit chaotic regarding social life, free time, and housing. I'm not worried and I'm not going to force anything. I do believe that as I'm fixing my energy, everything else will fall into place. 

It may sound weird being this maybe the best time in my life in years, but I signed up for online therapy a few days ago. I received a good offer and it could be the final boost for my healing process. 

 

[Gladius]

Lately I've been reconnecting with old friends from school. I do believe I'm back to being that kid again, energetically, and that allowed this connection to happen.

[Spiritual Warrior]

On 1/1/2024 at 1:36 PM, Gladius said:

This year's resolution is to keep being a bit more of an "asshole". For a recovering people pleaser like me, this just means being a functional man. 

Lol I relate to this so much. I've also come a long way in this regard but this video reminds me that I still have a long way to go to be truly independent of others views of me. Best of luck to you. 

 

 

[Gladius]

@Spiritual Warrior yeah, it is a long term game I guess. Thanks, good luck as well.

[Gladius]

Things are pretty much the same for the moment, and it will be like this until summer or so. I'm focusing now on my free time and relying on myself to enjoy it. 

[Gladius]

I dont know what to write here anymore. Big changes were undergone over the last few years, so lately I decided to take it easy. From now on some tweaks will always be done here and there, but I'm positive I'm on the right track. There are still family issues, career goals, relationship problems, and (fewer) CPTSD sequels. And that's ok.

[Gladius]

Doing well lately and doubling down on myself. 

[studentofthegame]

@Gladius

On 11/05/2024 at 9:17 AM, Gladius said:

I dont know what to write here anymore. Big changes were undergone over the last few years, so lately I decided to take it easy. From now on some tweaks will always be done here and there, but I'm positive I'm on the right track. There are still family issues, career goals, relationship problems, and (fewer) CPTSD sequels. And that's ok.

It's been some journey. Well done on all your progress.

Using an online journal on this site definitely had it's benefits. These days i am trying to build a pen to paper journalling routine, which is good but lacks the accountability aspect that sharing a journal online can offer. 

Perhaps an online blog is an option. That is something i will think about.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame hey buddy, nice to hear from you. Sure, it helps to share, so let us know if you're writing somewhere.

[studentofthegame]

I will do mate, and likewise if you end up on another platform. I might resurrect my journal or start a vlog as mentioned... i'm giving it some thought.

I realised after i posted that it has been a year since my last post on your journal... amazing how quickly time passes sometimes... this could be great motivation to use time to the full!

Keep up the progress.

[Gladius]

For the first time in my life, this summer I took not only physical but real emotional distance from my family of origin. It's the most healing I've ever done: I'm breathing deep and safe, my skin looks terrific and energy levels skyrocketed. I'm feeling great although aware of all the damage done. Now, as a "healed adult", the abuse is more obvious than ever.

My 20's were all about changing jobs, countries, friends... trying to feel good, so I decided to eventually stop.

My 30's have been indeed really introspective. All changes started from within. It was tough but the right way to go.

My 40's, starting next year, are promising.

[Gladius]

Still wondering why it took me so long to cut sh*tty people off from my life. That should be your number one measure, guys. Everything else will fall into place.

[Gladius]

Another way to rephrase the last insight is being the "scapegoat" of the family. Learning that role and binge-watching yt videos about it has been helpful to some extend. Why it took me so long to realise this dynamic, I don't know, but I'm so glad I did. Now, it's time to move on.

[Gladius]

For the record, another key word that should be highlighted here is BOUNDARIES. Yeah, I should have set some of those a few decades ago. 

For the time being, I'm going low contact with my family of origin. I'm not sure how our relationship will evolve but it is being proved not only necessary, but critical.

[Gladius]

Time to sum up 2024. Actually, plento of things changed this year.

- Making progress in my career. Awesome new professional experience and back to studying. 

- Lucky to be selected at the program of mu choice. Can't be grateful enough, every day there is a privilege.

- Bittersweet experience rescuing a dog and then bringing him back to the shelter. Learned a lot from the experience and again grateful for the time shared.

- Going low contact with narcissistic family and being proven as a healthy action to protect myself. Mixed feelingg about it. Sadness and grief on the one hand, because I finally dropped the fantasy of a "loving and supporting" family that never existed. Relief and freedom on the other one, gaining back energy and power to take more action in my life.

- New hobbies and connections made. 

Lessons learned:

1. Trust my gut. Even more, way more.

2. That guilt and shame are not mine. Sometimes I make mistakes, but it is easy for me to recognize those and apologise if necessary.

3. Standing up for myself and choosing battles. That was cool, more of that, please. 

4. Still working to accept love into my life.

Goals for 2025:

- Not sure yet. When not sure, just focus on your health and peace of mind. The rest will follow.

Happy new year, everyone.