Some dude grabbed my girl’s ass while we were separated tonight

[IAmReallyImportant]

Or a punching bac etc.

[Carl-Richard]

14 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

You dont supress if emotions if you express them by yourself without makinv it public.

An emotion is an externalizing force. It moves outward into the environment. It compels you to take action. If you resist that compulsion and instead internalize the energy, that is what repression/suppression is. It can be appropriate to do in some situations with respect to social niceties, but it's generally tearing on your mind and body and should be avoided as much as possible. The OP should probably not punch the guy who touched his girlfriend if he cares about social responsibilities, but he should then find a different way to externalize the emotion, and writing it down on the forum is one way to do that. It's funny, because it's generally only guys who tend to struggle understanding this. Girls know intuitively that when you talk about your emotions, it is intrinsically healing. It breaks the toxic cycles of rumination and creates some linear direction of the energy, in a way that simulates the externalizing movement that the emotion was intended for in the moment it arises.

Edited January 3, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[IAmReallyImportant]

27 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

It would not be reasonable to supress emotions and as written couple posts already before, one can express them. E.g. on paper beciause it is more effective. Nobody gains anything from validation but help to suppress problems or emotions.

 

[IAmReallyImportant]

One has to be able to control oneself and let it out later.

 

[integral]

33 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

An emotion is an externalizing force. It moves outward into the environment. It compels you to take action. If you resist that compulsion and instead internalize the energy, that is what repression/suppression is. It can be appropriate to do in some situations with respect to social niceties, but it's generally tearing on your mind and body and should be avoided as much as possible. The OP should probably not punch the guy who touched his girlfriend if he cares about social responsibilities, but he should then find a different way to externalize the emotion, and writing it down on the forum is one way to do that. It's funny, because it's generally only guys who tend to struggle understanding this. Girls know intuitively that when you talk about your emotions, it is intrinsically healing. It breaks the toxic cycles of rumination and creates some linear direction of the energy, in a way that simulates the externalizing movement that the emotion was intended for in the moment it arises.

Do you have any experience doing this? ?

Edited January 3, 2023 by integral

[UnbornTao]

Playfully grab the guy's ass.

Jokes aside, I'd confront and tell him, "What the hell dude?" Something along those lines.

I rarely see the need for violence, unless the guy didn't get your point, kept being an idiot, etc. You'd be creating more problems for you down the road.

Edited January 5, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Carl-Richard]

48 minutes ago, integral said:

Do you have any experience doing this? ?

Doing what?

[integral]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

Doing what?

Feel better after talking about how you feel?

[Carl-Richard]

45 minutes ago, integral said:

Feel better after talking about how you feel?

It's not often, but yes. I usually just write things down in my notepad. Last week, I was driving in bad snowy weather, and I lost steering while braking down at a slight turn before a roundabout and ended up in the opposing file (traffick running the opposite way). Luckily, there were no other cars there except one behind me. I felt ok the whole ride after that, but when I came home, I could feel that I hadn't processed the emotional reaction. I talked to my brother about what happened, and I think that helped. I didn't tell my mom though, but I felt I should've. That was one case of choosing social responsibility over emotional expression (me telling her would've only frightened her).

Edited January 4, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Arcangelo]

VERY Careful with anger and violence guys...

A teacher told us: If it didn't go beyond the skirt, let it go, specially 4 dudes...

The same teacher told us: Never take a  decision angry, drunk or sad.

[Roy]

Just be grateful it didn't happen when you were there. It could have became a MUCH uglier situation. It was out of your control, so this is a good time to practice letting go.

[meta_male]

On 3.1.2023 at 11:58 PM, Carl-Richard said:

The OP should probably not punch the guy who touched his girlfriend if he cares about social responsibilities,

Why should he care about social responsibilities?

[Carl-Richard]

13 minutes ago, meta_male said:

Why should he care about social responsibilities?

If he cares about not ending up in jail.

[meta_male]

@Carl-Richard I wouldn't feel better if I were to just talk about this to someone. It does help, but it never releases ALL the negative energy.

[Carl-Richard]

3 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Carl-Richard I wouldn't feel better if I were to just talk about this to someone. It does help, but it never releases ALL the negative energy.

True. That is why you should generally aim to attend to the problem that the emotion is trying to address as it happens. In this case, he wasn't present when it happened, so it wasn't really an option. In fact, if he was present, it probably wouldn't have happened at all. There are cases where physical force is appropriate (e.g. to neutralize an immediate threat), but this kind of retributive vigilante justice is of course not that. Other than that, aggression can occur in subtler forms where it will compel you to take appropriate actions, solving the problem and the emotion subsiding. That is the reason why OP came here to vent, because he couldn't solve the problem in the moment.

Edited January 5, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[meta_male]

9 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

but this kind of retributive vigilante justice is of course not that.

I know it isn't. My problem is I don't feel like it isn't (ever since having several realisations).

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

I know it isn't. My problem is I don't feel like it isn't (ever since having several realisations).

True. Living in a society with rules is a bargain. You can't let your emotions completely loose all the time. That is also a part of being an adult. You concede some of your immediate desires to higher structures, be it your society, your future goals, your morality etc.

Edited January 5, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

That is also a part of being an adult. You concede some of your immediate desires to higher structures

This is how I was raised and expected to behave every single fucking day of my life because of people who never got a good taste of their own medicine! Who is going to enforce justice here? It's not like society or government cares much about the "little" things. 

[Carl-Richard]

3 minutes ago, meta_male said:

This is how I was raised and expected to behave every single fucking day of my life because of people who never got a good taste of their own medicine! Who is going to enforce justice here? It's not like society or government cares much about the "little" things. 

Is it justice or is it just looking out for your own ass? Conceding to society's rules is just a bit more sophisticated way of looking out for your own ass.

 

[roopepa]

Do not start street fights dudes. Not even to "show your girl you're a protector". Express fear, insecurity, shame.

It's surprisingly easy to die or seriously damage your health for the rest of your life in fights like this. Or someone else's.

 

Edited January 5, 2023 by roopepa