Derealization?

[Schizophonia]

Without narrating my life, I spent a lot of time thinking/ruminating on life/existence (call it what you want), I obviously used psychedelics to deepen my path, mainly lsd and others tryptamines (rc).

I start having random moments where I actually espouse the intuition that the world "makes no sense" (or at least it's a lot more than I felt like) and I start to panic , to bend over and almost to start a panic attack where I break down, wonder that I'm going there, where I feel like there's nowhere to go/be hidden.

It's as if I had lived all my life in a huge delirium where I am so invested that I forget "reality", and all of a sudden I have these flashes of lucidity that particularly scare me.

Currently I am writing this message on this forum (among other things) to try to entertain myself and re-persuade me from the matrix.

I am quite neurotic, very ossified. I was quite traumatized and stressed during my youth until I became a kind of far-right autistic person, with eating disorders, and above all a very great inhibition, fear of chaos.
I've changed a lot but I still have these kind of thought patterns.

I'm not here to plead or anything, it's fine, I manage, but what advice would you have for someone like me in this situation?
Do we have to go through this kind of stage to reach enlightenment and if so how?

Mea culpa if a similar post has already been made.

[A Fellow Lighter]

I wouldn't recommend going further without the proper groundwork. This path is for those who have found instability in the outside world, due to their evolving consciousness, and stability in the inner world - the real world.

Although, this almost certainly depends on the guidance of your intuition. What exactly does your intuition tell you? Are you ready? Should you take things a bit slower? Or leave this path entirely? I only recommend that if you do proceed, you do so with the, shall we say, proper footing.

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, A Fellow Lighter said:

I only recommend that if you do proceed, you do so with the, shall we say, proper footing.

Spirituality should only be done for a desire for truth/love of self and all of reality. Why? Because it is the most dangerous path. There is no more dangerous path out there. You are literally tinkering with your sanity. I have realized now why so many get trapped in different aspects of spirituality, it is because they HAVE TOO due to fear. The two biggest obstacles to going deep enough into Spirituality is attachment to self and others, and the fear of insanity. 

If you are not ready to face these fears....STOP! IMMEDIATELY!!! OTHERWISE you could traumatize yourself. I could say further, but I won't because there are many on this spirituality forum who shouldn't even be on here and I really believe they are on here because they look at it as if it's some cool club not realizing that Spirituality is psychic suicide. You are blowing up your entire identity, not being careful can and will drive you to insanity and not the religious insanity talked about, the kind that has you stuck on drugs yelling at a wall for the rest of your life.

And no that last bolded statement is not hyperbole. Let me ask, are you willing to go insane for the truth? Are you willing to lose everything for truth? Are you willing to lose everything you have ever loved and hated for the truth? If any of your answers are no, go back to your regular life.

Edited December 22, 2022 by Razard86

[Cathal]

@Schizophonia i don't see anything wrong with you other than you're still too identified with these conditions in the mind, just let go stop judging them. spend more time with yourself in meditation, invest in the time to make a few good friends and get a bit more grounded outside your head. let go and enjoy being here in reality, you are not a victim to any of your patterns, you are choosing to prolong them or let them die each moment through awareness

learn anapanasati 

[A Fellow Lighter]

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

Spirituality should only be done for a desire for truth/love of self and all of reality

I'd say this is an ideal, with the retrospect that all of life is for the desire/love for truth of self. And that it's the strength of this desire which is a variant, or the level of the love (the spirit for the ‘game’) which varies.

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

Why? Because it is the most dangerous path. There is no more dangerous path out there.

It is also truth that there is no other path out there, considering the destination of life is one and the same.

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

You are literally tinkering with your sanity

I mean .. maybe from an external pov. But I don't see how one could lose their mind in a practice which only ever demands more (and more) mindfulness in order for there to be progress. Sounds a bit contradictory to me.

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

I have realized now why so many get trapped in different aspects of spirituality, it is because they HAVE TOO due to fear. The two biggest obstacles to going deep enough into Spirituality is attachment to self and others, and the fear of insanity. 

Well sure, but this goes with anything. I mean fear is the general obstacle to doing anything new. And fear can only result from attachment to “self”. So I wouldn't designate this to the domain of learnt spirituality seeing how it defines life quite generally.

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

. Let me ask, are you willing to go insane for the truth?

Who would be the judge, though? 

On 22/12/2022 at 6:40 PM, Razard86 said:

Are you willing to lose everything for truth? Are you willing to lose everything you have ever loved and hated for the truth?

You could still lose everything even if you're on a non-mystical path. It's just the reality of life trying to communicate an undetected truth that you're not understanding willingly. Life is just communicate like that, it's either we learn the easy way or hard way. That's literally what karma is - built up lessons needed to be learned.

[caspex]

Those flashes of lucidity can fuck your material life up if your mind(what you transcend in these lucid moments) doesn't have a proper foundation, it can take erratic decisions which can be detrimental to one's life or even body.

Laying a proper foundation for your mind means doing shadow work, achieving some level of emotional understanding/mastery, understanding, integrating and embodying the practical/brutal nature of life, and other things such as dealing with confrontation, stress etc. which is covered in shadow work.

Laying a proper foundation for your body means eating healthy, exercising, being lose and flexible within the body etc. which is also important on this path.

You don't have to lay a perfect foundation in any of these areas but you do need some minimum level of foundation to get started and go deeper in. The better your foundation, the deeper you can go, and the deeper you can attempt to embody.

[Someone here]

@Schizophonia daily meditations my friend.  You can just watch the space between thoughts. It's very effective. Give it a try .

Hope you get better progressively soon ?