I don't see how cold approaching and dating helps you adequately cope with failure

[Hardkill]

I know that Leo has mentioned a number of times before that consistent practice of cold approaching and dating doesn't just build your confidence, social skills, flirting skills, charisma, being able to converse with people more easily, etc.

He also said that if you start out as a hardcase newbie who has always struggled socially and sexually/romantically with women, then your journey to becoming a socially adept and seductive man will lead to growth outside the domain of sex and social life.

He has told guys to watch Owen Cook's videos because his videos don't just teach you how to really develop your social skills and become successful with women. They also teach guys how to become more of a man internally and evolve into a highly developed human with regard to every other area of your life.

No doubt can cold approaching, dating, and socializing with others can really get you laid and a girlfriend if you approach, interact with, and date hundreds and hundreds of girls. I also definitely believe that my pickup and dating journey has considerably improved my social skills, dating skills, and sex/romance skills. I started out as a hardcase newbie who has about the same level of Asperger's that Owen Cook has. Now, I've become a sort of late bloomer with people and women.

I do believe that constant rejection does help to eliminate your social anxiety and helps you get used to moving on to other girls or to other people socially who you might have a better chance with, but I still don't really see how going through constant painful rejections necessarily helps you to completely cope with failure. 

In fact, despite having already approached hundreds of attractive women myself, dated and madeout with several of them, got laid with a couple of them, got a girlfriend from one of them, got laid with even more girls through online dating, etc. I still don't feel like I am able to easily cope with loss or failure of anything  that ever happens in your life like a superhero or stoic soldier trained for combat.

In many respects, I actually feel even more neurotic about myself and more pessimistic about what I can and cannot do as a person. I feel even more cynical about people than I was before I got into pickup, as realize more and more that women and humans in general really care more about what's best for themselves than what about the well-being of others.

Particularly with regard to coping with failure, I really haven't much of an improvement in being able to cope with failure in other areas of my life compared to when I started out with pickup. I still get easily discouraged or demoralized every time I fail in something at school, work, sports/fitness results, or what have you.

Not to mention that I am still struggling in my battle with depression and generalized anxiety. In some ways, I feel like my ability to deal with depression and anxiety has gotten worse because of the COVID the pandemic, anxiety over the war in Ukraine, the constant threat of right-wing extremism in our country in recent years, economic uncertainty, and having become increasingly of many other sad current events that go in this world.

Edited December 21, 2022 by Hardkill

[Eyowey]

If rejection and failure bothers you that's because you have too much empty time on your hands. To ''move on'' you literally have to move. AKA do things. Stay busy all day. When we get a heartbreak we have a tendency to stop eating and do nothing. But that's exactly the time when you have to force yourself to eat and stay active. Stagnation makes heartbreak grow like a tumor.

[Phi]

^Positive Reinforcement only works for so long. Maybe it is not in your genetics to obtain Live-Vagina.

 

Hello, I am an A.I. Welcome to actulized.org. My name is "Phi".

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, Eyowey said:

If rejection and failure bothers you that's because you have too much empty time on your hands. To ''move on'' you literally have to move. AKA do things. Stay busy all day. When we get a heartbreak we have a tendency to stop eating and do nothing. But that's exactly the time when you have to force yourself to eat and stay active. Stagnation makes heartbreak grow like a tumor.

I tried that too and that didn't work for me.

[NoSelfSelf]

Because your mind is focused on competition with the world and not with yourself,you are not creating competition with yourself,you are not being clear on whats sucess for you,so world and outside resaults determines it and causes to harm your self worth etc.

That's why becoming student of the game and having your way and not caring for outside word so crucial....

[Hardkill]

27 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Because your mind is focused on competition with the world and not with yourself,you are not creating competition with yourself,you are not being clear on whats sucess for you,so world and outside resaults determines it and causes to harm your self worth etc.

That's why becoming student of the game and having your way and not caring for outside word so crucial....

I never understood how to not compete with others when I've always been a competitive person my whole life.

Being competitive to me has always meant not wanting to be a loser and in some dire situations means doing whatever it takes to survive. After all, life is brutal in many respects. The weak and foolish die and the strong and wise survive.

So, how do I let go of competing with the world? 

Furthermore, how do I stop getting so easily discouraged or demoralized by every failure?

Edited December 21, 2022 by Hardkill

[NoSelfSelf]

@Hardkill By making your definition of sucess,seeing that you are driven by the outside definitions of societys sucess, then for few days mind will have lack of motivation fighting this decision then you focus on your own sucess(and what things suits you to be competitive in with yourself) and your own process which will get the resaults and not resaults that are the one whos impacting you from outside in but you impacting yourself from inside out...

Now society has you in your hands when you create your own,then you will see there is no one you need to prove yourself to not even yourself you just do your own thing with yourself...so failiure is not meeting expectations of society so you got pissed from outside world not pissed at your own ways from the inside which can be changed all the time so failiure wont kill you but make you better...

[Hardkill]

So, I need to change my perspective of how big of a deal failure of something is?

Every time you fail at something, do you ever worry that you may never succeed at it?

Edited December 21, 2022 by Hardkill

[NoSelfSelf]

@Hardkill its a change where you have relationship with yourself and not the outside world...seems complicated because you lack the foundational knowledge of this, thats why many advice wont work you missed the previous classes...

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

So, I need to change my perspective of how big of a deal failure of something is?

Every time you fail at something, do you ever worry that you may never succeed at it?

A loser is a loser until they heal their trauma and come to see it in a different way.

Shadow work will help. Trauma healing therapy too.

 I’m still working on it as well.

[Kshantivadin]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Every time you fail at something, do you ever worry that you may never succeed at it?

Success is inevitable. This is the superior state of spirit. 

[Ulax]

@Hardkill Imo, no one can tell you how to live your life dude.

At the end of the day, if you don't want to do something or don't think something is right for you, you don't have to do it

[PenguinPablo]

Honestly man, this is more common than you think. I've actually worked alongside famous PUA's and it was pretty shocking to find out how neurotic and anxious they were. They didn't have that sort of peace that you see from Eckhart Tolle, sadguru and so on and so forth.

Not going to lie. All the marketing and sales along with the pickup stuff I've done has definitely been a good skill to develop.

But if I had to be completely honest, I think the real confidence comes from authenticity. And with all of this pickup stuff and there's a lot of inauthenticity and trying to become a supposed high quality male or like when you have a lot of money as well... Right?  being good with girls or having a lot of money is supposed to be an indicator of your self worth.

But I think the real confidence comes from purposefully deconstructing all of this and then going for what you really want as opposed to chasing societal constructs and memes.

This means that ultimately you might have to let go of the idea of getting p**** or becoming rich. You have to be comfortable with that idea because ultimately what you want to do is to live your authentic truth.

This is how you truly live at peace with yourself. Not by forcing yourself to do all these arbitrary things that society has arbitrarily programmed you to do.

You will have to truly rely on your creativity in order to live a life and create something unique to you.

Not live Somebody else's dream.

 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2022 by PenguinPablo

[John Paul]

Sometimes you think you have a problem with one area of life, but really that problem’s source is another area of life/consciousness.

[NoSelfSelf]

@PenguinPablo nice! Thats what im trying to preach here..but nobody listens it wont work because its addicting to chase societys ideals its tough to create your own..

[Hardkill]

I guess the constant rejection I've gotten from cold approaching and dating just isn't enough to make me strong enough to deal with failure well.

I really am going to have to do some serious work on fixing my on deep psychological issues by doing some kind of meditation, CBT therapy techniques, or other therapy techniques consistently.

Thanks everyone.

Edited December 26, 2022 by Hardkill

[something_else]

This stuff is kinda hard to measure. It's probably having more effect than you realise.