Started a new relationship today, I have a few worries and questions

[Aquarius]

Ok, so I'll give you guys some story-time thing so that you can connect more to the storyline and stuff. I have a few concerns and questions about the nature of this relationship, and I think you'll see why.. I want some advice from mature minded people, I don't want anyone being rude or to disrespect my relationship. I am happy with it, sort of, but I always look for long-term relations, and I want this to work, and I am willing to work on it for it to work.

I am a generally patient person, one could say overly patient and hopeful, so sometimes I will work on something even if it's not worth it in the long run simply because I am always hoping for results to play out a certain way with a certain type o persistence and resilience. I have lots of interests, despite being an introvert by nature. I have many talents and hobbies, for example I love reading books on literally anything, particularly nonfiction interests me, occasionally interesting novels. I love buddhism and hinduism books most lately. I love intelectual debates and talking about the stuff that really matters in life, I love diving deep on all kinds of interesting topics and dissect them and analyze things, i love knowledge and I appreciate intelectual people and those who love to find meaning in things and have a childlike curiosity and wonder towards stuff in life. I rarely let people get close to me emotionally. I am modest and quiet, I take what I get and do not expect much from people. I usually have low self-esteem, despite seeing the good in myself. I enjoy time alone in contemplation, meditation and lecture. I am unemployed currently for a couple years now, but it has not deprived me of anything vital, except for the unpleasantness of sometimes being asked what I work, then I just brush it off like oh I'm just an artist or working on side projects or just telling them I live with my parents still and swallow all the bitter shame of being a slightly dysfunctional adult at almost 25 years old.

So I felt kinda lonely, disturbed with vivid fantasies on my mind about relationship goals and whatnot, and I was sad. I was thinking about how I didn't really talk to people in the last half year except like twice in text message on social media. I even consulted tarot about potential relationship possibilities, they seemed kinda positive but I was skeptic. One lady said I will meet someone special in 6 days, and it happened exactly like that. There is a dating option on social media and I signed up and browsed guys that I liked. I got like 35 likes in 1 day, I filtered out and liked back whomever I found I could naturally vibe with by looking at their given info on the dating thingy, and I talked to 3 of them. The first one I talked to seemed to have tons of hot girls on his social media link he provided, so I ghosted him. He probably adds every girl and I don't want someone unstable like that. The second person I talked to like 1 and a half days, but he responded very difficultly, he avoided my questions and after a few infos exchanged between us like simple insignificant things for ex, zodiac sign, hobbies, interests, age, photos etc..he kept talking about me "spreading my legs" for him, like that statement alone is so weird for me, he could just said sex or fuck or anything else, it was a weird vibe. I didn't have much hope for someone who apparently just want to get laid at first date without knowing like anything about the other person or without having a particular emotional bond, so I stopped talking to him now, I just don't feel like we get along well, I was looking for something more intimate and nice. Then I decided to look at the people on my 7 or so people list of matches and I instantly felt connected to some cutie, I messaged him, he texted back, we exchanged social media and started talking FOR HOURS. Like nonstop, we connected so well, he was very nice and kind, he kinda felt like talking about more sexual topics so I went along with it and talked about that because we were literally vibin and felt comfortable with him. We exchanged some nudes, talked about about our desires and stuff.. idk it felt kinda liberating in a weird sort of way? 

He said he likes me and I like him too, we decided to start a relationship, like a long distance relationship. I showed him my art, some of my favourite books, he asked me to draw him something tomorrow, and generally just talked about sex. He keeps sending me these naked pictures of him, or videos of him ejaculating. It kinda bothers me because I am more of a sapiosexual, I prefer intelligent conversations rather than guys sending me nudes and telling me stuff like they want me and stuff. Of course, it feels lovely to be appreciated, loved, cherished, wanted, craved and even desired by another human being. It's not that, I just wish we would have more in common, but he is a very nice person and I have high hopes for him, and I want to make this work, even if short term.

 

List of my concerns:

- Can we have a stable relationship if we only talk about sexual topics?

- Should I open up to him about wanting to talk about various topics I am interested in and try and persuade him to like those things too in the long run, or just accept him and what he offers, like nudes, sexuality, etc.?

- Can a long distance relationship work long-term? He lives in the same country.

- What are some basic topics related to sexuality that can make our conversations less one-sided and more rich and varied?

- He is 4 years younger than me, could that be a problem in certain aspects? If no, why? If yes, why?

- I have a feeling of constant lack in the relationship, despite being in it for 1 day.. I cannot put my finger on it or say what it is, because I like him but something is missing and I cannot tell what. What does this mean and is it common?

- Is it normal to start relationships this fast, like within knowing each other virtually on the internet just for 1 day?

- What should I expect from him? What should I not expect from him?

- He's a virgin, I noticed virgins oversexualize things... how can I make it work between us?

- Is nudes, sexuality and sexchat the basis of most modern internet relationships or should I worry?

- I want to make him happy, but I also want to elevate him and teach him stuff like metaphysics and spirituality. How can I do it most gently, if at all I should?

- How do I open up sexually after not being with someone for more than 8 months? All my relationships feel weird, I am hard to open up sexually. I am not sexually repulsed or anything, but I want emotional bonding above raw carnal desires. How can I translate this to his terms, so that the relationship goes smoothly?

- I know it's kinda early to ask all these questions, but I rarely get along with someone like this. Last question: what are the basic needs for both parties in a relationship that is long-distance? What spices up a relationship to take it on the next level (possibly not now, but in the coming weeks or months?)

- Finally, if you feel like giving me advice or you noticed something I didnt and wanna point it out, feel free to do so! All imput is greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you for reading my long stack of utter trash, if you feel like skipping the first two paragraphs you can do so and just read the last one and the questions.

[meta_male]

@Aquarius  Do you happen to be INFP?

 

 

[Aquarius]

On 12/21/2022 at 3:48 PM, meta_male said:

@Aquarius  Do you happen to be INFP?

 

 

Yes.  

[meta_male]

@Aquarius Excellent. And how many concerns on that list still remain?

Edited May 12, 2023 by meta_male

[Aquarius]

On 5/12/2023 at 10:49 AM, meta_male said:

@Aquarius Excellent. And how many concerns on that list still remain?

None because I stopped dating. I needed a break. When you try to date someone you always want to make a good impression and even impress the person and it's just too much work for me in my opinion. I am not in that state of mind to date anymore. Obviously I need to work harder and better on myself before I start dating again. I don't want to date with an emotional baggage disturbing the relationship. 

I have other priorities right now like getting a job or taking care of my physical and mental health. 

[Spiral]

Can a long distance relationship work long-term? He lives in the same country.
 

Only if there is a plan to move closer in the not to distant future.

[integral]

How old are you guys?

In my opinion this is not a good fit, find someone with a spiritual = empathetic background and who worked on themselves. Virgins are not the way to go. There a virgin at everything in life.