Toxic & Narcissistic Zoomers In University Classes & Culture Of Narcissists

[Kshantivadin]

I've been reflecting on this and I get what you mean about not tolerating some things. It may be even healthier than forbearance and becoming unphased/accepting through resilience. It's very easy to fall into the trap of overly protecting yourself, though. Most strong boundaries are out of fear, which is effectively giving up your power. The only boundaries that are not like this are the simple ones, the ones that feel so pure in their clarity and simplicity - knowing what you want, and a thought of "i dont want this". No fear. It's a boundary of love. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

6 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

I'm sure he was well-intentioned. I'll dare to say it was good advice. Consider the idea that only you can gaslight yourself into giving the power to others to gaslight you.

1love

I see the bigger picture also and the underlying dynamic is still at play, this basically enforces stage red though love type thinking in my opinion and a lot of coercion.I've also been at the giving end of gaslighting others because I've been gaslit and it's mostly to people who gaslit me I can subconsciously be addicted to that pain and just act out that pattern. It's insane how far this reaches into one's childhood. I wish I could instantly let go of suffering and all of this takes time and practice. I am practically taking the power out by letting him know I will not deal and tolerate with this kind of behaviour and I will extract myself from this narcissistic type of behaviour. If he enjoys that fine, go do it with someone else. 

Creating boundaries has been an issue and a lot of them have been transgressed, so I am not letting others disrespect me and give ill-adivce. I can see the bigger intetion as well as the relationship dynamic I don't want anymore in my life. I had such friends I cut them all out, constantly second guessing you and your abillities as well as giving talent focused compliments and just focusing on pure "talent", instead of hard work and effort and having overall a fixed growth mindset. A more developed/ripe response could have been: "Hey man you could build some resilliance and look for ways and efforts for dealing with narcissistic people, value yourself and have self-compassion! There is no need to let someone walk over you". Smth. like this practically. 

6 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

I've been reflecting on this and I get what you mean about not tolerating some things. It may be even healthier than forbearance and becoming unphased/accepting through resilience. It's very easy to fall into the trap of overly protecting yourself, though. Most strong boundaries are out of fear, which is effectively giving up your power. The only boundaries that are not like this are the simple ones, the ones that feel so pure in their clarity and simplicity - knowing what you want, and a thought of "i dont want this". No fear. It's a boundary of love.

I don't know quiet frankly, creating boundaries has been not easy for me in terms of relationships, as I am high in agreeableness I tend to agree and be open a lot, yet my body language can be self-protective as I feel a lot and letting people get into my life just hurts, I changed body language around this a lot, so I know when it's transgressed as well as how to "create a boundary" for my body more or less. 

I've read a book about developing resilliance last year, and it's not easy especially when there is "racial type/identity type" stereotype threatening there and it's seen as a fixed determanism and proof. It's quiet painful and yes I could be deceiving myself. I just ask myself often, why do I feel this way right now? When I dig into the emotion and notice at one point okay, this is to toxic. I am just gone and some patterns I will immediately shut down, otherwise there is no room for healing I notice. 

I did not focus on healing that holistically, yet and I notice how it's becoming more relevant in my life. Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

[Matt23]

On 12/14/2022 at 1:46 PM, ValiantSalvatore said:

I also need it and I crave it mostly also in an intellectual way

I'm sorry, I meant the message towards Leo  

[ValiantSalvatore]

50 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

I'm sorry, I meant the message towards Leo  

All good still thank you for answering the thread!

Mods can close this thread! if they want I went through several blinkist and even notified my mother and she legit changed her behaviour and read articles on her own about this.