Abusive Relationships

[Razard86]

Leo gave a short talk on his video Going Meta and does a good job of summarizing a lot of the causes of these types of relationships. WARNING if this applies to you IT WILL TRIGGER YOU. So you have been warned don't go demonizing me or Leo as if we are the cause of those negative emotions being expressed. Remember being triggered is wonderful, it is your alarm system that is telling you that you are suppressing emotional expression. You have erected a dam to hold back the flow, but the dam cannot contain that flow and as such it will leak out. Those leaks are expressed as sporadic outbursts and constant discomfort/anxiety. 

Anyway here is the video. I don't know if the has made a clip of this yet but if he hasn't might be a good one. 

Now I'm a logical person so what has helped me learn to look at relationships in a healthy way is to take myself outside of individual perspective. I've given this example, but I'll give it again because its powerful. Selfless giving people like to put others on a pedestal and sacrifice themselves for others because they see personal sacrifice as love. Nothing wrong with being a giving person. But the problem with this is it can become toxic and abusive to your individual self.

Now its funny, if you ask a person who is like this how would they feel if their best friend or loved one was treated like a door mat they would be quick to defend their loved one and want their loved one to be treated with decency and respect and love!! So then you can easily take that, and turn it on them and say "So why don't you want yourself to be treated the same way?" 

Sometimes you have to take people outside their POV to show them what they are doing. When we are locked in our POV and emotionally attached we cannot see clearly. This is why many Teachers use story telling to get a message across. A selfish person needs to hear the opposite lol. 

If you are very selfish we would ask you if you would be okay with someone treating you with cruelty, with lies, with deceit, and manipulation. When you say no, we will say then why do you do it to others? Why don't you treat others the way you want to be treated? So this is why its the golden rule. 

The key to relationships is to always treat yourself kindly, and you will relate kindly to others. All relationship problems stem from an internal relationship problem. You have never had a problem with OTHER, only with your self.

[NoSelfSelf]

You cant have good relationship if you are not selfish for yourself, then you treat them how you treat yourself from your own selfishness for yourself...

Not being selfish is being a nice guy that doesnt work,because you look to make someone happy first...

Edited December 13, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[integral]

6 hours ago, Razard86 said:

The key to relationships is to always treat yourself kindly, and you will relate kindly to others. All relationship problems stem from an internal relationship problem. You have never had a problem with OTHER, only with your self.

Gold and examples needed.

ChatGPT

Quote

Treating yourself kindly can help you relate to others better in several ways. First, it can improve your mood and overall well-being, which can make you more pleasant to be around. When you're feeling good about yourself, you're more likely to be patient, understanding, and compassionate with others. This can create a positive feedback loop, where your kindness towards yourself leads to kindness towards others, which in turn leads to more kindness towards yourself.

Second, treating yourself kindly can help you build and maintain healthy boundaries. When you prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries around what is and isn't acceptable in your relationships, you're less likely to let others treat you poorly or take advantage of you. This can help you avoid conflicts and toxic relationships, and can create more fulfilling and rewarding connections with others.

Third, treating yourself kindly can help you communicate more effectively. When you're kind to yourself, you're more likely to be assertive and honest in your communication with others. This can help you express your needs and boundaries, and can lead to more authentic and satisfying interactions with others.

Overall, treating yourself kindly can help you relate to others better by improving your mood, setting healthy boundaries, and communicating effectively. This can lead to more fulfilling and rewarding relationships with others.