my life@here is over

[at_anchor]

so it is simply that I cannot get along with people here due to certain others who are powerful and smaet and everything here scaring me, demonizing me, in camouflaged ways turning everyone against me.

i would love to call for help, but the likelihood of me encountering a cop with integrity who cares about justice and so on VS  a corrupt, abusive and malicious one that takes bribes is like 1:999 or lower. And if I did find such a cop, God bless him/her, and managed to explain to him things that even I don't fully grasp yet, how I got screwed over, they would be powerless to help me. Need someone just as powerful, just as experienced, cunning, malicious, with my best interest at heart, connected. Cause that's what is necessary to defeat every single one of them. Cause getting the truth out is hard without evidence. That's lacking. Many other problems as well. Like the fact that I'm not independent from them and my environment affects me in negative ways. But I don't have good options for the environment so screw it, I'm stuck in this loophole till I die.

[RobertZ]

Hi @at_anchor.

My name is Robert. I’m from Canada.

In your post, you said that you are living in a hostile environment. You also talked about destroying ‘them’ though some kind of power—like the police or using evidence [at law]—but that’s not very hopeful. However [people] are scaring you, demonizing you, and betraying you; while you are vulnerable and dependent.

I can only share a bit about my story, and what helped me.  Personally, I focused on my basic needs—safety, health, belonging and self-respect. This focus helped me a lot in hostile environments, over time. My experiences were not family, but 2 toxic work places. 
 

After university, I found myself at a very toxic and abusive job—I was financially dependent and vulnerable for some unique reasons.

I had a sociopathic boss who saw me as a puzzle to pick apart. I had to work quite a few 36-hour days. Visiting the hospital for heart pain.  I got much lower than minimum wage at that job—well, I had to go through vitriol to get out of that servitude—it was one of these hell holes. A lawyer helped me get our  

It took me well over a year to recover from the shock  of that experience

 While recovering, I made an excellent decision: to focus on my basic needs. Simple things, like eating rice and butter (healthy food I could afford) and exercise, and trying to make the people around me feel welcome. Forget about improving my skills. Just basic stuff  

Then I got a better job digging a trench (hard labor)—which was totally fine with me because I got along well with my coworkers. All I want is to work in peace. But then we all got subbed out to a company that my employer hired—so we ended up working directly under a few bullies (who were abusive). All my coworkers quit—but I stayed.

All I can say about having to be around people who are abusive—can be oppressive. I took a few notes to help myself psychologically (date, hour, and minute and basic facts, nothing fancy or long). Notes like this:

- January 9, 2021, 9:20 I set down the table an inch from the other table. Colton shouts, ‘Why the FUCK did you put it there, instead of closer?!’
- January 10, 2021 3:35 pm, Colton said: ‘Great, great—just like sex with a 10 year old girl.’

Toxic environments can get overwhelming, oppressive, and difficult to think about, or explain. Some brief factual notes might help promote a safe environment through the ups and downs, and clarify issues like gaslighting.

Later, I got a truly excellent job with a safe and positive with environment. 

To me, it’s health/safety First (including psychological safety). Then belonging. Then self-respect. Then all the other stuff.

Take care.