Why should I live ?

[Gabith]

Give me good reasons to stay alive please

[axiom]

The Muppets

[Chives99]

What I currently love  is my zen sangha meetup, being cozy, this channel and the forum and the deep conversations. Having a laugh with friends at work and old friends from university ( dont talk to anyone from highschool never fitted in there). Doing weed and psychedelics on a late evening i dont like being high during the day. Talking to women, I like girls that are REALLY  sweet plenty of guys find them boring and want someone a bit more fiesty but  i like them very sweet and feminine, I just love flirting it feels really good and makes me tap into my authenticity. I love nature and going and exploring places. You can relate to any of those???

[Gabith]

I've been trying to get better for 10 years now and it doesn't work every time I find myself in a bubble of naivety for a few months or even years before it bursts and then I fall back into another one.
Now I see the illusory side of it all, I see that using distractions like music, movies, drugs, women, sports are all useless and I'm still as bad as ever.
Even spirituality doesn't attract me anymore, the realizations I've had scare me too much and I would have preferred not to know and stay unconscious but it's too late. 

I thought that doing street interviews and meeting thousands of people would help me to feel good with others and create bonds but no, I always feel paranoid when I do that, the feeling of being judged or not liked, the inability to open up to others and my body freezing up as soon as a girl I like shows interest in me. 
And anyway even when I'm with a girl I risk attracting a bad one and if I have a good one like my first one, I'll end up being left or cheated on because she'll see that I'm not loving myself and I'll be back to the same starting point. So using a woman as a distraction won't even help me, except to have the illusion of being happy for a few months. 

I don't know what to do, it's survival, I can't see myself working 8 hours a day and then on the weekends doing my shopping, cleaning and watching a screen.  
And even suicide is not a way out, if I could be sure that there is no more consciousness after physical death it would be liberating but unfortunately it is not the case. 

The only time I feel a little better is when I am myself but I can't stay that way because it's dangerous. When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression. So I have to play the robot like everyone else and even doing that, I feel out of place or perceived as weird by others. I don't understand how we can have children in this human society, we are so backward 

I feel more and more disconnected from others, part of me sees them as animals, flesh, we are not worth more than an insect, nothing has value. When I see things for what they are, I have violent ideas and I drop the concepts of good and bad with which I was indoctrinated from childhood. 
All this indoctrination by religions, sciences, philosophies, marketing, hierarchy, politics makes me sick. 

I feel more and more like I'm stuck in a flesh body of a race I hate. A human race that I would like to see disappear, I don't want to experiment again what it is like to be a human on earth

[Devin]

@Gabith can you think of any small things you enjoy, easily accessible things; watching the sky, stars, a walk in the park, yoga, a nice glass of water, swimming, sleeping, eating an orange?

"first seek the kingdom of heaven, then...."

seek joy(the kingdom of heaven) first, then decide how to use your life, don't think there's something you must do to attain joy.

just enjoy life, enjoy life first, now, then figure out what to do

have you noticed you're more truly productive when you enjoy life? Being busy does not mean truly productive if you're working in the wrong direction, which is the case when you can't see which way to go, enjoying life brings clarity.

*i don't mean fake enjoyment though; partying, travelling, gluttony, excess, vanity .....

 

enjoy, and follow maslows pyramid, that's how you will change the world in the way you want to. As paradoxical as it sounds, you need to enjoy with how it already is first

Edited December 12, 2022 by Devin

[Ulax]

@Gabith Hey dude,

I felt saddened when I read your post. It sounds to me like you're feeling pretty discouraged and hopeless atm. Is that right?

From what I've seen of you from your posts, imo you have a lot of things going for you and personally I value your presence on this forum and on this planet.

My opinion on why you should live is that you have all of eternity to be dead. Maybe you've had lots of stuff in your life not go so well or even go really really wrong, or just everything seems to suck or something else. Some of which I might relate to, some which I expect I wouldn't be able too.

But imo if you have all of eternity to be dead why not just stick around and see how this turns out. Perhaps just consider experimenting with various different things that you haven't tried before. For example, imo, you could try reading Dodson's book on levels of energy, or david Hawkin's work, or trying a form of therapy you haven't done before, or volunteering. Maybe you eventually find something that makes life worth living to you, maybe you don't. But imo why not stick around and try out a tonne of different things, and see if something clicks.

[Sincerity]

1 hour ago, Gabith said:

Now I see the illusory side of it all, I see that using distractions like music, movies, drugs, women, sports are all useless and I'm still as bad as ever.
Even spirituality doesn't attract me anymore, the realizations I've had scare me too much and I would have preferred not to know and stay unconscious but it's too late. 

I always feel paranoid when I do that, the feeling of being judged or not liked, the inability to open up to others and my body freezing up as soon as a girl I like shows interest in me. 
And anyway even when I'm with a girl I risk attracting a bad one and if I have a good one like my first one, I'll end up being left or cheated on because she'll see that I'm not loving myself and I'll be back to the same starting point.

The only time I feel a little better is when I am myself but I can't stay that way because it's dangerous. When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression. So I have to play the robot like everyone else and even doing that, I feel out of place or perceived as weird by others.

I feel more and more disconnected from others, part of me sees them as animals, flesh, we are not worth more than an insect, nothing has value. When I see things for what they are, I have violent ideas and I drop the concepts of good and bad with which I was indoctrinated from childhood. 
All this indoctrination by religions, sciences, philosophies, marketing, hierarchy, politics makes me sick. 

I feel more and more like I'm stuck in a flesh body of a race I hate. A human race that I would like to see disappear, I don't want to experiment again what it is like to be a human on earth

Look how much fear there is in You.

FACE IT HEAD ON! SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS! IT'S NOTHING! You are enslaved by all these illusions. You are being puppeteered by your own mind and demons. Aren't You tired of this?

The reason to stay alive is because there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You don't see it now, but it's there. There is redemption for You, which is seeking You as much as You are seeking it. But You have to be strong and persevere.

Face your fear! See its utter fakeness. It's all talk and no bite, it can't do anything to You. You have the power to overcome it, but You have to really want it. Do yourself a favor and BREAK FREE.

Your fear cannot really control You. It's You who's giving it so much power. You're letting it control You. If you realize this, You can stop and live on your own terms, genuine to You.

Say it with me: THOUGHTS CAN'T CONTROL ME ANYMORE. FEAR HAS NO POWER OVER ME. I AM FREE TO CHOOSE WHAT I TRULY WANT.

I suggest You get in a contemplative mood and really observe your mind, dissect your fears, notice your thoughts and try to see them for what they are. Go deep, courageously. After all, You are fighting for Yourself. It's a damn good thing to fight for.

Edited December 12, 2022 by Sincerity

[thepixelmonk]

2 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Gabith What are some powerful questions you can ask yourself?

Honestly this. Work on self-honesty and mental clarity exercises. Accept yourself, where you're at, and what you need to work on.

[Thought Art]

@Gabith What are some powerful questions you can ask yourself?

[Bob Seeker]

Why are you trying to get unlost? you only feel lost because you are trying to get unlost. This is like always telling yourself that you are not where you should be. You are fine the way you are. Nothing needs to change. Relax and be who you are. Nothing bad will happen. Personal development and spiritual development are not your job. They are distractions from being yourself and just having fun. Realize you don't actually care about about what happens to you or what you do that much and you don't need to. Caring about these things is not your nature. Never take anyone's improvement advice ever again. You are only to be yourself and play in that. You are God playing. That is the only thing you are. simply enjoy your life and "growth" , which is nothing but changes in God's expression of itself will naturally happen, but you don't even need to care if it does or not. Life does not need to be meaningful, it just is here to be enjoyed and loved. Let yourself love yourself and you will see the happiness inherent in living. 

[Thought Art]

@Gabith What are some powerful questions you can ask yourself?

[Bob Seeker]

5 hours ago, Gabith said:

When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression

Then let them do what they will. If you need to live in a more secluded place, that is okay. Some people live further from society and this is fine. If you think treatment will help your anger you can do that too, if YOU think it is a good idea. 

What is this idea of "Thriving in society" - i thought you said you didn't like society - so why would you want to thrive in it? I'm just pointing out the inconsistency in your logic here.

[Eyowey]

Have some tea and watch some good acting. I just finished watching season 1 of Wednesday. No regrets.

Edited December 12, 2022 by Eyowey

[Thought Art]

1. How has your sleep been? Have you been getting enough rest? Why not after work just drop everything and get some beautiful Z’s

[effortlesslumen]

6 hours ago, Gabith said:

I've been trying to get better for 10 years now and it doesn't work every time I find myself in a bubble of naivety for a few months or even years before it bursts and then I fall back into another one.
Now I see the illusory side of it all, I see that using distractions like music, movies, drugs, women, sports are all useless and I'm still as bad as ever.
Even spirituality doesn't attract me anymore, the realizations I've had scare me too much and I would have preferred not to know and stay unconscious but it's too late. 

I thought that doing street interviews and meeting thousands of people would help me to feel good with others and create bonds but no, I always feel paranoid when I do that, the feeling of being judged or not liked, the inability to open up to others and my body freezing up as soon as a girl I like shows interest in me. 
And anyway even when I'm with a girl I risk attracting a bad one and if I have a good one like my first one, I'll end up being left or cheated on because she'll see that I'm not loving myself and I'll be back to the same starting point. So using a woman as a distraction won't even help me, except to have the illusion of being happy for a few months. 

I don't know what to do, it's survival, I can't see myself working 8 hours a day and then on the weekends doing my shopping, cleaning and watching a screen.  
And even suicide is not a way out, if I could be sure that there is no more consciousness after physical death it would be liberating but unfortunately it is not the case. 

The only time I feel a little better is when I am myself but I can't stay that way because it's dangerous. When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression. So I have to play the robot like everyone else and even doing that, I feel out of place or perceived as weird by others. I don't understand how we can have children in this human society, we are so backward 

I feel more and more disconnected from others, part of me sees them as animals, flesh, we are not worth more than an insect, nothing has value. When I see things for what they are, I have violent ideas and I drop the concepts of good and bad with which I was indoctrinated from childhood. 
All this indoctrination by religions, sciences, philosophies, marketing, hierarchy, politics makes me sick. 

I feel more and more like I'm stuck in a flesh body of a race I hate. A human race that I would like to see disappear, I don't want to experiment again what it is like to be a human on earth

Im honestly not developed enough to give you advice, but what you have written resembles  my own cynical thought patterns. Reading this made me realize something about myself ,which itself came so spontaneously to my mind, i had to write it down as a note. It might be of help. Here is the unfiltered text:

Message to a stranger (Me):

All these years you have created yourself these naive illusion  as you call it, with use of your intellect and the mind. And now you made up another one. Making yourself believe everything is meaningless and you cant find no joy in consciousness, or there is no reason to live. While analyzing everything through the lense of logic. Stop this disecting and try to experience more. All this is clouding your senses.

So do not see your life as meaningless. In addition to that it already effected mine ,reading this, in a possitive way.

[puporing]

If you're at that point growing your consciousness would be one of the main focus if I were you. This helps to prepare for your next journey/incarnation.

[IAmReallyImportant]

For the sake of living itself and being greatful to perceive, breath and experience things, no matter if they are evil or not, if it is suffering, pleasure or happiness.

This life is not made for you to be happy all the time. It is not just about yourself, it is also about contributing to society and other people in general.

If you would kill yourself, you wouldn't be greatful for all the suffering your ancestors have gone through including the effort of raising their childs so you can live now.

You currently live in infinite grace, because you could be tortured in a chamber for years where nobody can find you and raped 8 hours each day.

You can kill yourself, but this would demonstrate bad character.

Edited December 14, 2022 by IAmReallyImportant

[Cathal]

@Gabith Hi Gab.

I've seen you here when I used to be active, I really liked your posts and you seem down to earth and a real benefit to others. If you can't enjoy your Self-growth, you will end up hating it and fall back in the loop of routines that lead nowhere, that's quite the common thing I see here, people get big glimpses through psychedelics but have no real basis of day to day reality so they revert way too easily to old habitual ways of living, we have to learn to cultivate positivity within and act from that point with effort, with striving.

Anapanasati is such a practice and with an amazing teacher you can learn from, you can begin to gladden yourself into positive states and develop such a base in your state that the external and inner world have a lot less friction, we can enjoy meditation, we can enjoy working 8 hours in a job, we notice the sun in the morning instead of immediatly thinking of what we have to do.

We condition ourselves, moment by moment, out of this radically self-critical negative restless culture towards positivity, content, and the enjoyment of just breathing

[Grateful Dead]

What else is there to do but live? Death is not the end of life, you said yourself that you know that.

In my opinion, if you end it with suicide now, you will traumatize yourself so much that it will be even more difficult in your next life. Try to accept and work with the situation you are in.

There is no magic cure for those problems and we all struggle with them to some degree. Maybe try psychedelics or ketamine therapy if you're open to it.

Take one breath at a time and relax into your body. If you try your best in every moment, the universe will take care of you.

You could also keep a journal and do there what you did here. Just let it all out and slowly banish that negativity from your mind. Or do an art form like paint what you feel or whatever. This is something where you can really be yourself and it's not dangerous at all. Basically, you need to find a way to manage your emotions in order for your thoughts to be changed.

Life can be very tough at times and it is much harder for some people than for others, but if you manage to survive these times and allow yourself to grow, you will become a very wise and compassionate being.

Think of the people we look up to. Most of them have been in very difficult situations, but somehow they found a way to take control of their lives and that made them who they are. Other than that, they're nothing special so you or anyone else can do that too.

Hopefully something of that resonates.

[John Paul]

When is the last time you cried?