My situation, feel lost

[bliss54]

So i'm not great at writing but felt like I need to share where I am in life. I don't have anyone else I can speak openly to

I'm nearly 27 and live in australia. I feel like my main problem at the moment is living with my mum. Its turned me into a massive people pleaser and around other people I shut down completely and can barely talk. I've had a severe stutter my whole life which makes things harder

I'm trying to look for a solution to this rut i'm in. My parents will help me with a house they are building which will be finished ~ 5 months from now. Problem is the house will be right next to them so I don't know if its a good option, I want space from them.

Options are to wait living here, try going to an ashram, go to philippines, or shared rental. But i'm stuck with so much fear I don't know if I will even do anything

I hold risky stocks on the stock market too which doesn't help. My initial investment was 280k aud, it was up to 600k now 240k. Feel a ton of regret from the loss

[petar8p]

Do you ever go out to socialize and meet your social fears?

[Raze]

Get ifs therapy 

[Leo Gura]

At the very least move into that next-door house. That will give you at least a bit of space. From there you can make other plans.

I think you need to work on two things:

1) Socialization & dating skills

2) Job/career so you can pay your own rent and live wherever you want.

You can work on both independently. Your social problems will automatically start to correct once you start going out and talking to girls. Start going out to bars/clubs every Fri/Sat at least. This will build up your confidence. And it doesn't matter that you live with your parents as long as there are some bars/clubs around or other social spaces you can go.

Don't worry, you are still young and have time to fix all this.

Also, for your age, you still got a very nice savings going. If you have that kind of money what is the problem moving out?

Stock market will rebound. Focus on the long-term. Don't even look at the stocks for the next year or two. They will improve on their own.

Edited December 12, 2022 by Leo Gura

[IAmReallyImportant]

22 hours ago, bliss54 said:

So i'm not great at writing but felt like I need to share where I am in life. I don't have anyone else I can speak openly to

I'm nearly 27 and live in australia. I feel like my main problem at the moment is living with my mum. Its turned me into a massive people pleaser and around other people I shut down completely and can barely talk. I've had a severe stutter my whole life which makes things harder

I'm trying to look for a solution to this rut i'm in. My parents will help me with a house they are building which will be finished ~ 5 months from now. Problem is the house will be right next to them so I don't know if its a good option, I want space from them.

Options are to wait living here, try going to an ashram, go to philippines, or shared rental. But i'm stuck with so much fear I don't know if I will even do anything

I hold risky stocks on the stock market too which doesn't help. My initial investment was 280k aud, it was up to 600k now 240k. Feel a ton of regret from the loss

You can rent the house your parents are building for you.

You will make it!

[Cathal]

@bliss54

Hey man, don't judge yourself too much for having these fears, there's good reasons as to why you are the way you do, all you have to do is recognize you are entirely in control of these patterns conditioned into you. I myself realized I had to seriously socialize and change myself several months ago and jumped into the world of living in communities and volunteering, that seriously helped me, it was a total transformation.

I highly suggest both visiting a regular place in the society like night clubs, cafes, house parties, friends, cinemas, pubs or whatever and visiting some kind of monastery/ashram or what is related to your own spiritual practice, it's good to be able to handle a dynamic of people to more develop your own sense of confidence around people

Regarding your stutter, and from a few guys i've met, I think stutter comes from the endless judgment and hesitation and manipulation of our own speech. You have to learn to express how you feel without apology, it doesn't matter how you feel, just say what is true

Speak the truth and it will cut away your stutter like an axeman works diligantly cutting down trees

[Space]

@bliss54 Dude i'm nearly 30 and been living with my dad for last 3 months because my career isn't taking off/providing the income I need. Also have nowhere near 240k in savings lmao. Everyone's down on the stock market, including myself. 

Whats stopping you from taking 30k out of your investments and getting a place for yourself whilst you get other things sorted out? 30k could easily cover bills and costs for the next year. 

[vladorion]

The solution to social problems is not to go out and socialize.

The solution is to heal the underlying trauma that is preventing you from having the social life you want.

If you force yourself to go out and socialize without healing trauma, you can build a persona that is social and outgoing, but that'll only take you further from your authentic self.

[Chives99]

Have you tried meetups and other social groups, I go to a zen sangha a few times a week, thats also very social when we're not meditating, but on a weekend i love to hit the bars, whilst you're  developing your career/ acquiring skills, you could get a job in retail, thats very social and will help build your confidence, just dont do what I did and got so drunk at the christmas party and kissed my boss.

[Chives99]

I'd get with my co-workers tbf I'm only in a basic job so awkwardness doesn't matter 

[thepixelmonk]

On 12/12/2022 at 1:36 PM, Chives99 said:

just dont do what I did and got so drunk at the christmas party and kissed my boss.

LMAO nice one

[bliss54]

I really appreciate the replies, thank you