Autistic sensitivity makes me feel unmasculine

[Chives99]

I dont like to blow my own trumpet but i would say i have a great sense of humour and am good at flirting which girls love, I'd say my weakness is my sensitivity due to my condition, I can get psychologically overwhelmed quite easily I can't do with people threatening me or shouting in my face I kind of just freeze and my brain turns to mush. I can only gather enough strength to fight back if someone actually attacks me but thats survival adrenaline kicking in. Bullies with not much personality attract girls by acting tough and freighting off other guys, thats their survival strategy. I guess i just have to accept I have a disability and thats its just life as all sorts of people have short comings and to accept who you are. My values on the other hand say I dont want to engage in confrontations as its just stupid cave man behaviour, I would like enough strength to stand up for myself, but I dont see why I should engage with bullies im an adult im not at school , maybe this is just an issue of not avoiding toxic people as much as possible because if i have to defend myself il end up using excessive self defense and then I'll end up in jail. Maybe i just need some resilience to toughen up but not to the point where i engage with fighting. Can anyone else relate on this issue of sensitivity? 

[Tyler Robinson]

Make more friends who can fight for you or stand up for you. You shouldn't be involved with people who are physical because that's a safety concern. If someone is verbally bullying you, as long as they're using bad words, it's fine, you can let go. If they are harming your reputation or resources, like workplace harassing, threats to life, stalking, then either confront them or let your boss know.. 

Although women like alphas, a woman liking bullies is not a great thing. You shouldn't look up to it. Those women have terrible self esteem and they are like clout chasers. They rely on these bullies for protection I guess. 

You shouldn't pay so much energy to these people as long as they aren't harmful. 

And they're being idiots, there's nothing masculine about bullying someone. And nothing unmasculine about being sensitive. 

But being overly sensitive has downsides in relationships. You could easily walk away if there's just a tiny bit of stress in a relationship. 

You need to build some resilience. Challenges in both relationships and life need you to be somewhat ALPHA. That's life and you can't complain about it. 

Even women have to be alpha. This is everyone's lot. 

 

[mr_engineer]

@Chives99 Outsmart them. Typically, they're all brawn but no brain. 

Play to your strengths. And if they're way too powerful, just suck up to them. Sometimes, that'll do. 

[Eyowey]

It's not autism. It's your body knowing that it's weak and acting accordingly. Make yourself strong with daily strength training, raw protein and carbs. I like to do one set of reps for each muscle in my body.

• 15 calf raises + 30 second hold
• 15 squats + 30 second hold
• 15 push ups 
• 15 10KG french presses
• 15 10KG incline hammer presses
• 15 10KG hammer curls

[NoSelfSelf]

Sensitivity is one thing but the way you put the title "it makes you feel" thats feminine and you can change that...

[Chives99]

@blueberries  Its nothing to serious im just nothing too serious im just not used to standing up for myself as I've found it difficult, theres just immature people in my workplace that i have to interact with, practicing to toughen up would probably resolve it, autistic people are quite thin skinned by default.

[Max_V]

As someone who's on the spectrum myself, I see a lot of people misunderstanding here.

Sure, it'll always help to become stronger and feel more physically confident, but for a lot of people on the spectrum, processing highly stress inducing sensory information causes a shut-down and freezing up, you get severely overwhelmed.

@Chives99 My suggestion would be to do what we are often best at: plan ahead. Take some time to make a general plan for each of these forms of difficult situations; contingency plans if you will. Think through how you should act, conduct yourself, how best to deal with it all. Then when such moments arise, you are not crippled by having to in the moment decide and think what to do, you have a path your mind and body you can walk along, while of course taking into account the specific situation and altering your approach accordingly.

But I do agree with the fact that if you make yourself more physically capable in the general sense, you have less chance of shutting down because you know yourself to be capable in handling the situation. That could be something worth looking into.

All the best, bud

Edited December 10, 2022 by Max_V

[universe]

On 9.12.2022 at 4:03 PM, Chives99 said:

Bullies with not much personality attract girls by acting tough and freighting off other guys, thats their survival strategy.

Jesus, let them have those girls and find yourself one who cares for others enough to not let her boyfriend bully them.

You have an increased need for safety, which will likely manifest in yourself freezing and being blocked. You do not need to life with this, you can change it.

Release your need for safety. Done ✅