Pickup, benefits and limiting beliefs

[Karmadhi]

So after a lot of procrastinating I finally embarked on my pickup journey around 2 months ago. So far it has been an interesting experience and I would like to share with you some of the benefits I have noticed and also a list of limiting beliefes which i would appreciate some advice with.

First of all just to make it clear, I am still a newbie and around the 100 approach mark. Most of them were from nightgame (usually bars or social areas where I live) but also did some day approaches. For day it was especially brutal because I associate it with something weird so I started to first give compliments (5 a day) then built up into conversations. I would say most approaches were from night though (I dont really count compliments as approaches because I never did conversations even though some girls were super receptive to the compliment).

There is a telegram group from my city, BIG THANK YOU to @Leo Gura for posting it on this forum which allowed me to find wings in a quite active community.

Now some of the positive things I noticed:

= I am a lot less insecure about my looks since now I can tell that girls can get attracted to me, most are not but usually some are and it feels quite good.

= Sense of hope, I know I wont die alone haha

= Really helped me getting over the fear of rejection which was a huge issue. The first time I did a semi cold approach at a university party (before the game journey) I got a super nice rejection and was so upset about it I literally left the party. Now I can get rejected 5 times a night even harshly and I give 0 shits the next minute. 

= Learned how to use presence and awareness to help with attraction. Also improved charisma slightly and ability to build rapport really fast (helps with social events).

=Doing something most people do not have the balls to do always feels good.

=Met some interesting people and some guys with really good game (not Youtube level but still amaizing)

=Even though daygame seems more weird to me, I actually get better actual results from it. I have managed to get 1 date from it and also some contacts which always respond so that is quite nice. 

Now some limiting beliefs I still have

= It feels somehow like I have failed in other ways of getting girls and have resorted to the most hardcore path ever. Makes me feel a bit bad about myself somewhat, like I am a not a normal person that can get girls normally. I have pretty decent social skills and a healthy circle of friends (both guys and girls, even pretty girls) so I wonder why...

=Still am feeling a bit jealous of girls or very good looking guys for not having to endure this stuff and just getting attention for existing. Especially girls. Sometime wishing to be born a girl.

I intent to continue doing this in the future even though I can meet girls in other ways naturally, just the volume from those ways is not enough.

 

[Eyowey]

43 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Learned how to use presence and awareness to help with attraction.

This is very valuable. I had it for one day but then lost it. Are there specific exercises that you do?

45 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Makes me feel a bit bad about myself somewhat, like I am a not a normal person that can get girls normally

Nobody can get girls in a normal manner because girls are taught to play hard to get and be afraid of men. 

[Karmadhi]

9 hours ago, Eyowey said:

This is very valuable. I had it for one day but then lost it. Are there specific exercises that you do

Going in completly empty not expecting anything and just going in to give value. For day you just go in to give a compliment without strings attached and if she is receptive to it you continue talking. You must be naïve, innocent and curious during it. Not like a starved pickup daygame dog. Also basically turning down your mind and not thinking at all. Just being presence in the moment. Meditation helps, also practice mindfulness during your day. Walk around for 10 minutes without thinking anything.

For evening, it is about strong eye contact, close distance and just being present. Focus all ur energy towards her, smile and dont think of anything.

Best way I can describe it tbh.

9 hours ago, Eyowey said:

Nobody can get girls in a normal manner because girls are taught to play hard to get and be afraid of men

Everyone I know did via Tinder or social circle.

[LordFall]

13 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

 

There is a telegram group from my city, BIG THANK YOU to @Leo Gura for posting it on this forum which allowed me to find wings in a quite active community.

 =It feels somehow like I have failed in other ways of getting girls and have resorted to the most hardcore path ever. Makes me feel a bit bad about myself somewhat, like I am a not a normal person that can get girls normally. I have pretty decent social skills and a healthy circle of friends (both guys and girls, even pretty girls) so I wonder why...

=Still am feeling a bit jealous of girls or very good looking guys for not having to endure this stuff and just getting attention for existing. Especially girls. Sometime wishing to be born a girl.

What's the telegram community, can you share it with me in a PM? 

And to your other two points, those are just ego backlash and delusions. There is no normal, we all struggle. The guys that get laid naturally without having to learn it usually end up in codependent relationships that they have a really hard time getting out of because they don't understand the paradigm of self-development. And even for the ones that don't, I would reframe that as a shame. There is great fun in having to learn this skill and then getting to enjoy sex/relationships as a reward that you know you had to work for and now deserve. 

Ask any hot girl you talk to if she's had toxic and shitty experiences and they'll most likely have an infinite list. Being a girl is a nightmare in many ways, almost everyone is trying to leach value from you without offering you equivalent value in return. Let's not even mention the more traumatic things that can happen to women that most likely will never happen to you as a man. 

[Valach]

21 minutes ago, LordFall said:

The guys that get laid naturally without having to learn it usually end up in codependent relationships that they have a really hard time getting out of because they don't understand the paradigm of self-development.

Could you explain what you mean by this?

[Karmadhi]

9 minutes ago, LordFall said:

would reframe that as a shame. There is great fun in having to learn this skill and then getting to enjoy sex/relationships as a reward that you know you had to work for and now deserve. 

I dont enjoy it that is the thing. How can I learn to enjoy it??

9 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Ask any hot girl you talk to if she's had toxic and shitty experiences and they'll most likely have an infinite list. Being a girl is a nightmare in many ways, almost everyone is trying to leach value from you without offering you equivalent value in return

I see them as having many options and insane social value without doing anything and getting a bunch of freebies. It seems like their life is way easier.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

Could you explain what you mean by this?

Attracting a partner to you enough that they wanna spend time with you and call you their bf/gf is just the first step. Interlacing your lives together to be productive and healthy while growing up and probably bringing children into this world is a whole other thing. It's basically a business partnership. Similar to the difference between being friends with someone and starting a business together. 

All the lack of self-development, trauma, limiting beliefs, ideology, etc that you have deep inside you will come out and so will your partners. If you already understand that this will happen and have already spent years fixing this in yourself then not only are you starting from a better point but you know that it will come and will be ready for it.

Regular people that just get into relationships do not understand this and think they can just figure it out and love each other, that's their paradigm. That's basically suicide and why most relationships end up toxic, not working out, or just stale. Its like thinkingg you can start a business without knowing anything about it nor even knowing that you can even get mentors/books that will teach you and then betting your financial future on it. You're gonna end up homeless.

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

I dont enjoy it that is the thing. How can I learn to enjoy it??

I see them as having many options and insane social value without doing anything and getting a bunch of freebies. It seems like their life is way easier.

That's the naive view of it. When you're on dates with girls/friends with girls/at the club talk to girls about their lives. Talk to them about all their male friends that tried to sleep with them when they were sad/drunk. Talk to them about all the creepy stuff/sexual abuse that they've had to endure. Talk to them about that time they were broke and then their male bff offered to help them out if she would suck his dick. Or when they hit puberty and started showing curves how their step-parent and/or male relatives started treating them differently. Or that time they had a date with this guy that seemed interesting and then ended up drugging her. 

Of course, these are generalizations and don't necessarily happen to every girl but it does happen to a majority. That is the reality of being a high-value human by default, you become an objectified commodity that other humans fight over. I know of at least 3 girls in modern, first-world, safe cities that almost ended up getting trafficked. 

There is also the other side of the coin with girls that are not attractive/disabled/live in a 3rd world country and have to deal with all of this on TOP of not getting the positive perks of being a hot girl.

As a man as long as you're not lazy or delusional you can work and get anything and basically become a living God that gets anything he wants. That is how you appreciate it; you realize that your masculine drive is basically the human version of infinite divine creation. And when you're able to tap into that the women in your lives really start to appreciate it and basically look up to you as a God. 

I would never trade that for an easy basic relationship or getting free drinks at the bar, are you crazy? 

Edited December 8, 2022 by LordFall

[Leo Gura]

Good. Keep going deeper, more approaches.

Never envy those who have it easy. They will not grow as you.

[Adam M]

Nice work! I believe in you! Keep going.

It will become more natural and fun as time goes on.

 

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Good. Keep going deeper, more approaches.

Never envy those who have it easy. They will not grow as you.

But if a guy is naturally good at pickup and dating than another guy who is struggling, then wouldn't that mean that he actually would have even greater genetic potential to improve his game than the other guy who is naturally weaker at it?

The more gifted you are at something the greater your potential for it is, whereas someone else who was not born a natural at that activity or skill to begin with can only improve so much, correct? 

Edited December 8, 2022 by Hardkill

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, Hardkill said:

But if a guy is naturally good at pickup and dating than another guy who is struggling, then wouldn't that mean that he actually would have even greater genetic potential to improve his game than the other guy who is naturally weaker at it?

The more gifted you are at something the greater your potential for it is, whereas someone else who was not born a natural at that activity or skill to begin with can only improve so much, correct? 

He has higher potential for sex, but not higher potential for growth.

The key mistake in your thinking is valuing sex above growth.

No sex will ever feel as good as deep growth.

Edited December 9, 2022 by Leo Gura

[thisintegrated]

It sounds like you are making great progress in your pickup journey and have already experienced some positive benefits. It's great that you have found a supportive community and have been able to overcome some of your limiting beliefs. To address some of your limiting beliefs, here are some suggestions:

• "I am not attractive enough": Remember that attractiveness is subjective and what one person finds attractive may not be the same for another. Focus on being confident and authentic, and let your personality shine.
• "I am not interesting enough": Again, focus on being yourself and let your unique qualities and interests come through in conversation. Ask questions and show genuine interest in the other person, and they will likely find you interesting.
• "I am not good enough at pickup": Pickup is a skill that can be learned and improved upon, just like any other skill. Keep practicing and learning from others in your community, and you will see progress. Don't compare yourself to others and focus on your own growth.

Overall, it's important to remember that rejection is a normal part of the pickup process, and it doesn't define your worth as a person. Keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and continue to learn and grow. Good luck on your journey!

[Karmadhi]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Never envy those who have it easy. They will not grow as you.

The thing is that my growth is just catching up to what people have naturally.

Not giving a shit about rejection, being more confident and having some options, many guys and girls have these naturally.

It is not like i am growing in a way that they do not have originally.

Therefore as nice as it is, it does not properly satisfy me.

 

Edited December 9, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

@Karmadhi If you do pickup seriously you will experience growth like no one naturally does. And it's not just limited to getting sex. You are looking at this way too narrowly. Most of the growth will be outside the domain of sex.

[Jacob Morres]

pickup could even be done with sex not even being an interest @Leo Gura

 

[StarStruck]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Karmadhi If you do pickup seriously you will experience growth like no one naturally does. And it's not just limited to getting sex. You are looking at this way too narrowly. Most of the growth will be outside the domain of sex.

Getting sex is the natural effect if one develops masculinity 

[Karmadhi]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If you do pickup seriously you will experience growth like no one naturally does. And it's not just limited to getting sex. You are looking at this way too narrowly. Most of the growth will be outside the domain of sex

How? I am confused about it. So far the benefits I have received have been stuff like more confidence, better flirting skills, being able to talk with people more easily etc. What other growth is there? You have said it yourself that pickup is more of a shallow pursuit so you wont experience spiritual growth from it, so what growth is there except more confidence, better flirting/social skills and more charisma?

Not saying these things are not great but it feels like I am just doing catch up more than anything else.

 

[RedLine]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Getting sex is the natural effect if one develops masculinity 

not actually related 

there is a lot of masculine man that don´t pick up girls because they don´t have social skills, and then you have guys like Tyler or Todd that kill it

[Karmadhi]

On 12/9/2022 at 6:00 AM, thisintegrated said:

It sounds like you are making great progress in your pickup journey and have already experienced some positive benefits. It's great that you have found a supportive community and have been able to overcome some of your limiting beliefs. To address some of your limiting beliefs, here are some suggestions:

Thank you  

On 12/9/2022 at 6:00 AM, thisintegrated said:

I am not attractive enough": Remember that attractiveness is subjective and what one person finds attractive may not be the same for another. Focus on being confident and authentic, and let your personality shine

I agree totally. I used to be REALLY insecure but now slightly less because I just focus on the girls that are interested. If I approach 10 girls and 1 or 2 are interested I see it as "that is great, some girls like me" instead of "omg most girls dont like me".  

On 12/9/2022 at 6:00 AM, thisintegrated said:

"I am not interesting enough": Again, focus on being yourself and let your unique qualities and interests come through in conversation. Ask questions and show genuine interest in the other person, and they will likely find you interesting.

Thank you for the tip but tbh I never struggled with this. I am a well educated person so my issue was just shit talk more than being geeniounly interesting.

On 12/9/2022 at 6:00 AM, thisintegrated said:

I am not good enough at pickup": Pickup is a skill that can be learned and improved upon, just like any other skill. Keep practicing and learning from others in your community, and you will see progress. Don't compare yourself to others and focus on your own growth.

Agreed.

On 12/9/2022 at 6:00 AM, thisintegrated said:

Overall, it's important to remember that rejection is a normal part of the pickup process, and it doesn't define your worth as a person. Keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and continue to learn and grow. Good luck on your journey!

Agreed. Thank you  

[StarStruck]

10 minutes ago, RedLine said:

not actually related 

there is a lot of masculine man that don´t pick up girls because they don´t have social skills, and then you have guys like Tyler or Todd that kill it

Tyler and Todd have masculine traits though.