how to help people who self harm?

[Julian gabriel]

I have 2 friends who self harm a lot.

One of them told me she hooked up with this guy, then felt guilty and dirty, then cut herself.

I find it difficult to empathize with this behavior since I have no desire whatsoever to cut myself.

she also wants to show me her cuts on her body

Why do people cut themselves and how do u help someone stop doing it?

Edited December 7, 2022 by Julian gabriel

[Kksd74628]

@Julian gabriel

It is grounding I'd guess.

[Tyler Robinson]

I used to self harm a lot. 

My ex boyfriend used to tell me - go die. Everytime I asked him help. 

 

I think what I wanted at the time was some comfort, assurance that everything was going to be alright in the end. And opening up about my Vulnerability and space. 

Most people who self harm just wish to be left alone and not judged. 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Julian gabriel

Also forgot to mention that it is also way to distract one from emotional pain. To intense pain people try anything which works from booze to rope.

[hyruga]

Listen to them and guide them with real help. Don't take advantage of them.

[meta_male]

5 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:

I find it difficult to empathize with this behavior since I have no desire whatsoever to cut myself.

she also wants to show me her cuts on her body

She wants to show you the cuts so you can see and understand her pain, words are insufficient to communicate that. And she's probably not yet aware that nobody will ever be able to relate to her pain the way she does.

[Raze]

Tell them to get ifs therapy

[Eyowey]

Follow them with a magnet.

[Thought Art]

I personally think it’s worth buying a book on it. 
 

I had an ex that did this. (Which says a lot about where I was in high school).

Its not up to you to change these people.

[the_void_of_chaos]

Honestly, I think they just need some love and happiness. Try spending time with them but also leave them alone when they want to. Don't overstep. If they realise that you are worrying too much about them, they might harm themselves more. I'm speaking from experience...shattered a glass and got stitches in my hand...just an instance.
Yeah, they just want some peace and happiness. If you aren't happy from time to time, you'll forget what it is like to be happy so, you'll stop striving for happiness altogether. Have something going on for you...that's another point. Yeah, that's just my opinion. I think happiness is easily forgotten, especially when you aren't used to it.

[SuicidalBug]

I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to ask you to look at her cuts. I would refuse that every time and if she did it anyways I would have a serious talk about cutting contact if that happens again. 
 

First I want you to know that this is veeery much about the people who cut themselves (I’m one of them), not about how much support and help they get. Someone could be getting torrents of professional support and unconditional love and still continue to SH. What I’m saying is: guilt from you would only do worse for you and your friends too. 
 

Set good boundaries. You’re not a professional, you’re a worried friend who wants to help. You shouldn’t have to go over your own needs to give them support.

 

More practical: I really recommmend The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook. You could find it online and send it to them. Helping them to look for a therapist. Helping to distract them from the urge. 

Like someone else said, it’s very important to make the person feel that you take them seriously even without SH. SH shouldn’t trigger in you a rushed reaction of trying to help, or a lot more empathy/sympathy than you usually show. Don’t be neutral to their SH though. Let them feel that you feel the severity of it and that this behavior comes from deep emotional pain. 
 

Try to be a role-model if you can. It helps if you yourself have healthy coping mechanisms for when you’re confronted with strong emotions. Try to make them realize that what they’re doing is only making their emotional state worse. Not in a judgemental way, but in a concerned way. Tell them what you noticed that happens after they SH, all the negative outcomes.

I hope someone can use some of the advice I put here. Good luck!

[Tyler Robinson]

On 12/7/2022 at 1:16 PM, meta_male said:

She wants to show you the cuts so you can see and understand her pain, words are insufficient to communicate that. And she's probably not yet aware that nobody will ever be able to relate to her pain the way she does.

My ex asked me to show my self harm scars to him during the relationship 

Do you think it was appropriate for him to ask me such a request? 

I felt a bit uncomfortable because it meant becoming more vulnerable to him and I said No. I just couldn't do it. It's not like I didn't trust him. I just didn't want to show my self harm cuts to him. Because I have never shown it to anyone. 

 

[Ulax]

@Julian gabriel Listen, and validate feelings. Don't give unsolicited advice. If you think you have useful advice, say 'would you like some advice?'. 

That's my opinion.

[CultivateLove]

Offer to do it for them

[CultivateLove]

@Judy2  Whatever you say Judge Judy

[CultivateLove]

@TheGreekSeeker Nah man, I'm honestly ashamed to have been here for so long without getting a warning point.

[Maru]

Supposedly you can force 1 pain away by experiencing a worse pain. And so people with intense emotional pain can then supress there emotional pain by harming themselves. This is called auto-mutilation as far as i know. 

I used to be in a therapy group with some other people who had borderline disorder and they seem to do this sort of stuff allot.
So i would say if you auto-mutilate at least visit a therapist for some advice.


 

Edited December 26, 2022 by Maru
dont see the point of saying that