Is this the big growth break through that I always wanted to experience?

[Hibahere]

Hi I'm hiba! 

 

It feels like something I have never expected or experienced before. I went through a painful relationship that finally ended 3 months ago and after that I have experienced great change in my personality,  worldview and character. I never thought about this change or bought it on consciously it just happened. I usually go through awakenings when they are triggered by people, or relationships, so I was also expecting this a little bit. I feel like anew person and i am in love with my own company.

Mentally:

It seems that there is this new found balance between my logical mind and my emotional mind which used to be very fragmented before. I can hold more than one perspective at a time and now I'm does not cause me any emotional distress like it used to. There is generally more acceptance that I have for myself now. I have noticed a high increase in my self esteem and a lowering of my general social awkwardness. I feel more connected to the world and people in general, the good parts and the bad feel one. I see everything as not one big chaos or shortcoming but as a system that needs to be studied deeply. People always told me how I go too deep into things and that has seemed to increase too. My understanding on some topics has also been enhanced. I feel relaxed, more myself, and as if I'm slowly discovering myself and my new facets of personality. I am more unbiased in general. Things that triggered me (some of them) don't anymore. In general physically inside I feel bigger and more full, I am better able to interact with my family and parents. People genuinely seem to enjoy my presence.

Personality:

Very open and confident now, very energetic, I feel as if I have loads of energy to give around and as if I have huge ammonium of energy stored in myself that can be used for a greater cause. Sometimes I do get reckless and risky...but that's just my psychotic side.

IQ: 

Just finished my mid term exams for uni. I was the type of student who used to struggle with memory and focus, I used to be anxiety ridden and full of despair while studying and never been able to score as good as I wanted. Now...it feels like a new ability has been unlocked. I can fathom how I studied the whole syllabus in 1-2 days and aced my exams. My focus was brilliant, I was still distracted but I never panicked or got anxious which helped me a lot. Side note: I used coffee too and survived on 4 hours of sleep.

Accomplishing things:

In general I feel like I can Accomplish things more easily now. Especially because I like to get to the nitty gritties. In general I have been attracting many people and things which are a match to my mindset (which I lost hope in after my painful break up). I never believed that I my stage blue dominant country I would find people like me but I did. Random ideas or inspired thoughts would pop in my head...the catch is to remember them though which I forget. My intuition seems sharper and as if my mind is being trained to listen to it more. I'm more cautious with my ways and my neurosis has decreased. I "manifested" someone I beleive they call a soulmate although I have now refrained from believing is such ideas because I'm more towards logic but when it happened I was shocked myself. My very close friend of now...he randomly approached me in university a month ago. We clicked instantly and I got close to him as if he was my friend of years. Its very shocking and scared me to a point how much our minds and worldviews match, down to little things like habits and some minor health issues. But I won't get into that too deep as I'm still recovering from my break up. He has been a great catalyst in this period of growth, he did inspire me to study well too and he usually does with my side business too. I never expected to meet someone like this person before and I never actually did meet anyone like this in my life before. He has opened my eyes to a lot and made me respect myself more in general idk who he is...haha. Lastly I am better able to grasp the psyche of and interact well with people who are less self aware or on lower levels of the spiral dynamics.

 

This was my story. What are your views on this and am I on the right track so self actualization?

[Eyowey]

The improvements you're listing are likely the result of your diet, sleep or air quality improving. Your ex might have been breathing most of the air in your house and fried you with his phone radiation. If you were on birth control that could have also suppressed your health.

[Hibahere]

Hahaha I like this reply 

Edited December 6, 2022 by Hibahere

[kag101]

interesting testimonial

are you feeling good 24/7? or do you still have moments that you feel sad and/or not performing at your highest ability?

 

 

 

[Ulax]

Hey!

My recommendation would be to watch this video:

I think it could likely help you get a better understanding of where you are at.

[Holly Jean]

Hi Hiba! Wow, what a breakthrough! It sounds like you have had quite an awakening. Very next-level compared to the "before" picture you describe. Congratulations! 

 

Now I'm curious. With all these changes, do you have an underlying sense that everything is fundamentally going to be okay, no matter what?

If so, is that new? 

[Hibahere]

@kag101 I still have a few moments like that but I manage to move on

[Hibahere]

@Holly Jean Hi Holly! Thanks for your appreciation. Yes I do get that feeling that fundamentally everything is perfect and bad and good is a mental construct! But its not constant because I'd say I still get stuck in neurotic thinking at times but I do manage to move on better than I used to because after these experiences my belief that I can manifest things easily has been strengthened

[inFlow]

On 12/6/2022 at 3:21 PM, Hibahere said:

Sometimes I do get reckless and risky...but that's just my psychotic side.

Haha. You are just a female. Yin-Yang is Order and Chaos. Male - Order, Female - Chaos. Females are like nature, sometimes the sun shines and rain comes from out of nowhere and 5minutes later sun comes up again shining bright and hot.

On 12/6/2022 at 3:21 PM, Hibahere said:

Random ideas or inspired thoughts would pop in my head...the catch is to remember them though which I forget.

Journal on hand or phone.

 

On 12/6/2022 at 3:21 PM, Hibahere said:

We clicked instantly and I got close to him as if he was my friend of years.

Be careful falling for these kinds of people. You can "CLICK" with thousands of people, believe me I'm talking from my own direct experience. Have them close to you, but don't fall into them. They are in no way special, just be aware of that.

 

A wonderful story of a normally developing ego. Keep doing what you are doing and keep growing even if it's hard. Start meditating or doing some kind of Yoga (Kriya is very powerful). You need to balance your inner energies which will help you in all aspects of life. If I understand your changes correctly you just started the journey and these are just the first baby steps towards your story. Oh and make sure to find happiness in solitude before you go into some relationship. You need to be happy on your own, then you can look for a partner if you have the need for one.

[Hibahere]

@inFlow thank you for the wisdom I truly appreciate it ❤

[Holly Jean]

On 12/8/2022 at 7:18 AM, inFlow said:

Haha. You are just a female. Yin-Yang is Order and Chaos. Male - Order, Female - Chaos. Females are like nature, sometimes the sun shines and rain comes from out of nowhere and 5minutes later sun comes up again shining bright and hot.

I would edit for clarity, when in your expression of recklessness,  "You are embodying feminine energy." Being female or male might mean that one of the feminine or masculine aspects are expressed more often or remain in the foreground of experience most of the time, but never subscribe to the self-limiting beliefs that you are all one thing and not another.

The yin contains the yang and the yang contains the yin, unendingly. As self-awareness develops into maturity, so does the depth of the realization of both the all-containing aspect of emptiness AND the expressive aliveness-fullness of being as present in all of life, all beings, all sexes, all existence.  

 

[SeaMonster]

I do think it is the big growth breakthrough you've always wanted to experience.  Your description is pretty consistent with shadow integration.  I assume the breakup shocked you out of your negative habit patterns and unconscious contents surfaced so you experienced more wholeness.