Solipsism is true (trip report) + questions

[Naol]

Hi there, here is a trip report of my last trip (shrooms), in which I discovered Solipsism is true, which was SHOCKING. I also added some questions at the end and would love to hear your opinion if you have one! Thanks (also: french here, sorry for my bad english). 

 

1 - I am consciousness

I was tripping calmly on my couch, then I realised that I was only consciousness, the present moment itself. 

 

2 - Everything is consciousness (or mind, or imagination)

Then it hit me that everything that I could see and feel and think was all contained in this consciousness that was me. My environnement was mind, my sensations were mind, my thoughts were mind, everything was mind. There was no material world fundamentally, only consciousness, only "mind", and I understood why enlightened people are saying that the world is imaginary. Everything is emerging from the nothingness of consciousness. I also had this strong knowing that nothing could exist outside consciousness, because it is everything. That was another way, very different from my previous awakenings, to experience Oneness.

 

3 - Consciousness (I-I) is creating everything (but I can't do what I want)

I had this strong knowing that I was the thing that was creating my environnement. This feeling was so strong that I tried to modify it just as and artist modify his/her painting (it did not work lol).

 

4 - Consciousness creates complexity as its goes along

Ok this is a wild claim and I am not sure that this is true, but I felt like things are not intrinsically complex, but that consciousness was creating this complexity moment after moment after moment. Like, this cushion over there is just a form, that is it. But then the next moment, it is a form, but also a thing with texture, density, and so on, which was not the case the moment before. It was just as if complexity unfolds / appears as consciouness is thinking it. Consciousness seemed to be an infinite whole, constantly including and transcending everything by adding creativity. Not sure about this one though…

 

5 - Solipsism feels good because you are truly secure (for the first time of your life)

Solipsism was good. I realised how much my relative "I" has to survive all the time, that this drive for survival is part of my human nature and implies suffering. I realised how, as a human, I can't and will never feel fully secure, because I have to survive physically and psychologically. We can let go of some of the survival stuff, but never completely...My whole body is always ready to react to any danger, each second of my life. Being consciousness itself gave me a profound sense of security: I was (almost) only mind imagining things; what could be dangerous? I guess if there were a guy threatening me with a knife at this moment I would switch mode, go back into human mode and protect myself so I did not transcended totally my ego, but at this moment I still felt pretty free from survival. Actually this was a bit hard to swallow: I will never be able to be fully at peace as a human, and I never realised it so that profoundly before. 

 

6 - Solipsism helped me love my human self more (and be more compassionate in general)

I don't exactly understand how, but after this trip, I felt more at peace with myself. I remember having a deep compassion for my human self and other beings who do not taste that peace and suffer a lot most of the time. Also at one point during my trip, I felt the strong desire to "create" love by helping people very directly. To reach for anyone and give my energy and love to them.

 

7 - Lasting effects

After this trip, I could for 2 days still feel solipsism, but it is now fading away. Thus this trip meant a lot for me. Trip after trip my mind opens, and these truths are shaping my conscious and unconscious for the better (I think). Touching to turquoise is a game changer (I hope as much in the long term than in the short term).
 

Conclusion :

This was an amazing experience that I did not expected. During the previous 3 or 4 trips, I was unable to go this far. It was just as if the world around me was reflecting my depression: all sad limited and unpleasant. It was impossible to transcend this stage. But before this last trip, I was feeling better since a few day, less stressed, more ok with myself. In my opinion, unless we take a strong dose, our mental health influence our capacity to transcend the ego. At least it seems to work this way for me : if I don't feel good, it is gonna be more complicated to go into God Mode. Also, I now understand so much better the work of Alex Grey (see picture), which makes it more amazing. 

 

Questions: (I would love to hear your advices/opinions!)

1 - I would love to rise my everyday life stage of consciousness and always be connected with my "true self", but it is not easy at all… I am meditating everyday (half an hour of zen which is not that much) and try to be conscious in my everyday life, but I don't feel it is changing anything. I wonder how much I should meditate to get results, and if there is anything else to do? Should I try to be conscious in my sleep? What are the next steps? 

 

2 - Related to the previous question: I read "One Taste" from Ken Wilber, who seems to be always connected to the True Self, the I-I thanks to his zen practice. In this book, he says that when he drinks wine, he looses this connection. I am wondering if psychedelics could slow down my efforts to be much more conscious on an everyday life basis. This logically should not be the case since psychedelics are supposed to rise our level of consciousness (and not diminish it like alcohol), but who knows? It seems that Leo is also struggling this that, but I don't know how it's working for him now. Any opinion about that?

 

3 - During my trip, I knew really strongly that everything was mind. But in another way, I feel that saying things like "everything is mind or imagination" does not reflect the holistic truth. In a way, yes everything is mind (maybe at a more fundamental stage of the holarchy?), but in another way, everything is also material. Isn't it problematic to limit our vision of existence by taking into account only about one perspective, excluding the others?

Thank you very much!  

Edited December 4, 2022 by Naol

[Leo Gura]

Good work.

[michaelcycle00]

Bro just try not to throw the word “solipsism” with such ease around here. It’s clear that you don’t mean POV-based solipsism (which is what we talk about here) but existence-based. Otherwise, why would you be worried about “the suffering of other beings” or “helping other people”?

Nice trip report though, you made me curious about other things. 

Edited December 5, 2022 by michaelcycle00

[Naol]

@michaelcycle00 Yeah I get what you mean: it was not a complete realisation of Solipsism, so profound that the human self is kind of erased and we don't think anymore at all in term of human things. But even though I understood that others were me in the absolute sense, I was still aware that in another dimension I am human and feel separated of others all the time. So I don't feel like I misused this concept to qualify my experience here. Plus, I think that if I did, Leo would have let me know (?).  And yeah, nice trip! It was hard to go back into human mode 

[Kksd74628]

@michaelcycle00

Why can't you care about the suffering of other people even when you're the only one? The important point is to know what are your goals and if reducing seemingly happening suffering is one of them then of course you'll care about that even after realizing that there are no other people. Being "good" is wanting to feel the joy and love of helping other imaginary/real people and that's what usually makes the biggest meaning to our life. It doesn't matter if the game ain't real from the perspective of playing it and enjoying it. Just remember that all spiritual realizations should help you play this "game" better, not to destroy it. 

[Naol]

@Kksd74628 Well expressed  

[Batman]

Regarding your first question - self inquiry and emotion work. Inquiry takes you back to the pure being, and emotion work will dissolve the energies in the body that "cements" your sense of self.

 

[Naol]

Thanks @QQQ and @Batman