I’m scared af

[Barbara]

I’ve started a business last year, but I got super stressed in the building phase before it even took off. I was working nonstop and eventually had a mental breakdown. For two months I experienced the worst sensations I’ve ever felt due to anxiety, so completely stopped all my side projects and day job for awhile. This was in May this year and I’ve learned a ton about myself since then. I started therapy, cultivating better work-life balance, did ton of introspection, also on psychedelics, read books, started enjoying myself more and manage stress peaks. So, I’m in a way better mental place now and have a lot of creative tension within me, new ideas and projects. But I feel so stuck to start them and pickup the unfinished stuff. I’m terribly scared of navigating through unknown waters, being clueless, making mistakes, but specially, that works starts feeling too much again and I’m back in that anxiety, bottom of the pit space. I know I’m not the same person and know I would be way more equipped to deal with adversity, but I’m still scared. 
These last weeks I’ve been procrastinating HARD. Whenever I do something for my side projects I’ll do it almost in apnea as quickly as I can, and run away immediately. And although I broke down the to dos in small tasks and steps, I still have the feeling that I don’t know how to start, that my work will be for nothing, and that I’m walking blindfolded.. 
I wanna get shit done and make my ideas come to life. How can I overcome this fear? 

TLDR: I burned out and now am scared of taking action.

[Gesundheit2]

@Barbara Sounds like you've experienced trauma that now needs to be resolved, which probably means vacation/retreat/inspection time. If that's not possible, then just focusing on the fundamentals for now with minimal effort.

I would say you need to be absolutely honest with yourself about your current ability to pull through this (whether right now or after vacation). Do you think you can? If not, then you probably need to take some more time off and let yourself breathe a little bit before trying again. That means no books or anything that takes from your mind space and/or is related to stress. Keep in mind that you've already learned a lot and done a lot, so you won't need to start from square one when you come back later. Your knowledge is earned, and your progress is saved.

I think you also need to understand that what happened is perfectly fine and normal. Too much work without enough rest is not ideal in the long run, and it will eventually backfire. That doesn't mean you can't work hard anymore or that any time you put in some effort you will return to that same nightmare. No, not at all. It just means that you need breathing spaces and a rewards system instead of being too hard on yourself and beating yourself up unnecessarily.

I wouldn't worry about overcoming this fear just yet. When you're finally ready, you will know with absolute clarity the difference between being lazy/procrastinating vs. being exhausted/burned-out. As long as you can't tell the difference, then you're probably still tired and simply need more rest.

As well, "too much work" is a relative thing. What might feel like too much at your current level will feel like nothing when you advance. So pace yourself at that. Use your feelings as a compass instead of your thoughts. No more workaholism, regardless of ambitions. Think of it like learning a new language. At first, you will struggle to create one sentence. Then later, it will become an integrated part of you, you will be able to write essays without even having to put any effort or think about it anymore. The process of mastery is always hardest in the beginnings, and you've probably already finished the hardest part.

Also, consider trying to delegate micro-management to someone else. Your main focus should be on the bigger fish, not on the smaller distractive, and energy-consuming activities. Think of a family member to help you with this, could be a parent or a younger relative. That shouldn't cost a lot, and the returned value should be immense.

I think what you probably need the most right now is comfort. So you might want to consider saving this post for later, while focusing only on the comforting parts for now and skimming through the practical parts. Take care, and good luck!

Edited December 1, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Barbara]

@Gesundheit2 hey, thanks. That anxiety period is all gone now. It’s been 5 months or so that I’ve not felt anxious. After that breakdown I took indeed a break from everything and was not in rush to go back. But now I’m mentally stronger and healthier and feel ready to take on projects. The problem is that I feel huge resistance to start and fear I might end up the same. I do rationalize this, but I keep procrastinating when I have time for the side projects. And I do understand the difference. Until now, I was giving my self all the space and not even worrying about that kind of stuff. But lately I’ve had so many ideas and will to engage that I believe I’m ready to start over. 

Will def be more mindful of my feelings in the journey and validate them as my compass instead of other people’s experiences. And yea, I might even ask for help. Thanks for the idea.

[Gesundheit2]

@Barbara Alright, great! In this case, I would say start small. Don't overthink it or plan too much ahead. Start simple, by engaging in simple tasks (maybe just one or two per day) that don't take much time or energy but still are part of the greater goal, and the snowball will start rolling automatically and grow bigger in time. Your mind might start asking what should I start with? That doesn't matter. You're not trying to accomplish anything big just yet, rather you're just trying to get into the routine of work and to initialize the snowball. Don't judge your performance too highly, and of course don't forget to reward yourself afterwards.

Edited December 1, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Michael569]

@Barbara been there and can relate.

Wanting very much for your biz to become successful can lead you to working yourself out especially if you're just starting. 

It is important to become comfortable with the fact that it may take you 10 years to get it done.

Pace yourself slowly and be disciplined with working and not working. Take time off regularly. Business progress often cannot be rushed with more work time. 

I found that small bits of highly focused work (for example 3*90 minutes) lead to getting more done compared to working 9 hours straight and spending half of that procrastinating. Cal Newport's Deep Work helped me establish this routine on combination with his Digital Detox book.

If you're gonna go back you need to be ruthless with your schedule and put barriers on your working time to balance time off. Otherwise second anxiety attack will be inevitable. Happy to chat about it more, feel free to hit me up if you have questions 

[Barbara]

Thanks Michael, that’s something I really need to sink in. Will def check out Cal Newports books and experiment. I understand occasional anxiety is something normal to some extent, but I would like to do everything possible to be more relaxed, so good advice.