2 Months Left Till I Am A Father, Holding On To My Sanity!!

[Darrick]

"Just when i found out what i TRULY want to do with my life, i am expecting my baby boy!! I am a song composer (rock, hip hop, epic motivational soundtracks) and cook/chef (LOVE cooking and creating recipes). I do NOT want to give these up.. is there some way i can do all of this while raising my baby boy?!?!" 

 Hello world, my name is Darrick, 27 of Northern California!

  I've been cooking, creating, composing music, staying active in my local music scene, selling albums, working a few restaurant jobs all while investing in myself to benefit my future! Recently purchased a nice $700 camera to better my YouTube videos. A microphone for better audio! Been watching @Leo Gura's videos routinely!!  His videos are amazing and definitely help on the journey to self actualization!! (I think that's why we are all here)

  Being single for almost 5 years i really had time to "find myself". I made music whenever i wanted to. Had the chance to go out and meet sooo many different people. Had various sexual partners. Tried a bunch of different jobs. Moved to a few different cities in California. Put out my 1st official album!

  Then it happened! About a year ago working at my restaurant (which i recently left) i met a beautiful young gal! Took some time & talking but we dated and made it official! We've been together 8 months.

  The real kicker of this story/forum is.. she is now 7months pregnant.  

As happy as i am to know we're both fertile and i am 27 years of age, it still makes me pretty fuckin' anxious, nervous, excited, worried, etc..

So many emotions for the both of us. It happened so quick but I AM READY... 

  Just when i found out what i TRULY want to do with my life, i am expecting my baby boy!! I am a song composer (rock, hip hop, epic motivational soundtracks) and cook/chef (LOVE cooking and creating recipes). I do NOT want to give these up.. is there some way i can do all of this while raising my baby boy?!?! Thank you all sooo much for reading! Stay focused while on this journey to Self Actualization!!  

   

[clytaemnestra]

55 minutes ago, Darrick said:

As happy as i am to know we're both fertile and i am 27 years of age, it still makes me pretty fuckin' anxious, nervous, excited, worried, etc..

Congratulations.

Who isn't anxious, nervous, excited, worried, etc.. when expecting a baby? I don't have any, but I don't know any people waiting for a first kid who're not losing their sanity. It's something new and a change that will affect whole of your life till the end of your life, of course you have different kind of emotions. Just work on yourself. 

[aurum]

Caveat that I've never had a kid. So my advice is entirely second-hand on this.

From what I've heard, the solution is to flip your perspective.

Instead of thinking "how can I keep my dream AND still be a father?", shift to "this baby is going to FUEL ME to my ambitions".

Think about it. Do you want your son to view you as:

1) Self-actualizing your potential

2) Hard working

3) Setting and out achieving your goals

4) Role-model and an inspiration

5) Wise

6) Able to help not only himself, but for others

 

Or, do you want your son to view you as:

1) Never lived up to your potential

2) Largely ignorant

3) Lazy

4) Not someone to look up to

5) Barely able to keep it together, just treading water

 

I'm obviously going to assume it's more like the first list. So now use that as MOTIVATION to actualize your life.

You haven't been given an anchor to hold you down. You've been given PRESSURE that is going to force you to figure things out and to grow.

It won't necessarily be easy. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to balance a family with self-actualization work / life purpose.

But in the self-actualization journey, we tend to get the challenges we NEED rather than the ones the ego wants.

Congratulations on your rocket fuel

[Darrick]

@clytaemnestra Thank you so much for the kind words!! I will continue to work on myself  (not neglecting my baby or gf)!!

[Darrick]

@aurum WOW!!! That's was brilliant! I want to thank you sooo much for the wise words. You have a great & positive way of looking at this particular situation. I am definitely aiming for and will continue to be a role model for my son! Though it is not east, i know i have what it takes.

You said "But in the self-actualization journey, we tend to get the challenges we NEED rather than the ones the ego wants" .. i totally agree!! Never would've thought about it like that if you didn't mention it!

Thank you again, this lil' Chicken Nugget will FUEL ME and motivate me to take action on all of my ambitions!  

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Darrick said:

@aurum WOW!!! That's was brilliant! I want to thank you sooo much for the wise words. You have a great & positive way of looking at this particular situation. I am definitely aiming for and will continue to be a role model for my son! Though it is not east, i know i have what it takes.

You said "But in the self-actualization journey, we tend to get the challenges we NEED rather than the ones the ego wants" .. i totally agree!! Never would've thought about it like that if you didn't mention it!

Thank you again, this lil' Chicken Nugget will FUEL ME and motivate me to take action on all of my ambitions!

You won't be thanking me when you're doing diapers at 3 AM but I appreciate the kind words

[Darrick]

@aurum Hahaha! Well, it's all a part of this learning experience!! I'm ready!!!

[Loreena]

Well congratulations. I don't have kids. So I can only imagine how tough the situation is for couples who are anticipating a child. But this baby is a blessing for you rather than a challenge. It's tough in the beginning but in the end it's all worth it. Keep your chin up, it'll all work out for ya. Keep yourself healthy and sleep well whenever you get enough time because raising a newborn is pretty exhausting. I know you are very passionate about your goals in life, but you need to be a little wiser now and maybe take some time off and keep other things on the backburner just for a short time till everything gets sorted out.

[Elena]

I think that kids can be a hindrance only if you treat them as such - one example is Alan Moore who left his job while his wife was pregnant to follow his dream of becoming a comic book writer. Check out his bio I think it can inspire you

[Darrick]

@Loreena Thank you! You are definitely right about getting enough sleep when i can! My baby is going to keep me up a lot! I will become wiser, set better goals and work on them fast (when i find/make the time)  Thanks again for the kind and very helpful words, means so much to me!! Baby pictures coming soon!  

[Darrick]

@Elena "LSD was an incredible experience. Not that I'm recommending it for anybody else; but for me it kind of – it hammered home to me that reality was not a fixed thing. That the reality that we saw about us every day was one reality, and a valid one – but that there were others, different perspectives where different things have meaning that were just as valid. That had a profound effect on me." - Alan Moore

Wow, thank you for sharing Moore's story with me. I will read some more about him tonight! 

[Elena]

@Darrick his works are pretty amazing  If you havent - read Watchmen Im sure youll enjoy it

[Annie]

@Darrick First off: congrats! As a mother of two I can tell you for certain your life will change drastically. For the better. Words can't do justice to the immense and unconditional love you will experience starting from the first time you see, hold, hear, smell your baby boy. Until that moment of your first physical encounter hasn't come you won't fully understand. Just wait... But, in case this hasn't already happened, your bond can already begin now. Of course for mothers it's different but I already had a very strong bond to both my boys when they were still in utero. It's like you're one soul for some time. Hard to explain...

But I don't want to be bullshitting you and tell you everything will always be fine and peachy. Parenthood is the best but hardest "job" in the world. There will be many sleepless nights, many cries which you first have to learn to decipher (babies don't cry just because, I highly recommend you at this point to read up "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff), etc. But always remember: even the hard times will pass. Maybe they'll pass like a kidneystone but they will pass.

Will you still be able to continue doing what you're doing now? Well, yes and no. Personal life is a bit on standby when you have a newborn because everything will revolve around him, he decides when you sleep and when it's time to play/cuddle/eat. In the first year you can bet things will be out of whack. But you'll all establish a new routine which will work for everyone. However you have to make sure you're not forgetting about your own needs (I'm referring to both you and the mother because let's face it: she'll be the one with the major load of work here).

As a parent your life will not only be about you anymore. You will want to strive, be a role model, spend time with your child. If you really want to be a hands on father (and I'm not talking diaper changes in the middle of the night although your girlfriend surely will appreciate that) you must accept you won't have as much time for "your stuff" anymore. The child will (should) be your priority. You come second. Well, that at least is how I look at things. I have decided to be a stay at home mother so I don't have to have someone else take care of my children, I want to see them grow up myself. I don't have kids so I can send them away but that's a whole different story.

Enjoy life with your new family and everything will fall into place.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Annie

[Harikrishnan]

First of all Congratulations. I havent raised any childrens but had lot of nephews and all and it was fun. I dont know why west considers children some kind of problem for growth and all. we consider baby as a blessing of God and more babies you have more blessing is from God and  we love them(now u know why india is populated ?). Consider this an opportunity raising a baby can improve your self actualization journey. (Budha would have been little more funnier if he was there raising his child instead of running away :-thats my take only) 

[Key Elements]

Congrats. Do your very best. Give it your all. Children are great teachers. You'll learn a lot from them. Hang in there. Children help you become actualized very quickly because you'll have to adjust to the shift in paradigm. They will grow and change. Adjust, grow, and change along with them to help guide them well. Set good examples. My children are teens now. I'm just speaking from experience. Best of journey to you.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Key Elements