Are these men sick abusers?

[no_name]

In the video the girl talks about how she was 19 and dating a guy 15 years older than her. She was taking a bus to see him, but was running late. He called her asking where she was and when she said she was just getting on the bus, he replied “didn’t we talk about your lateness before?”

Can you imagine a grown mature woman taking a bus in the middle of the night to go to some dudes house like a free hooker to then have him be an ungrateful lecturing douchebag to her? Neither can I.

This reminded me a lot about a recent post here by a dude who is 30 and says he only likes young girls, because women his age, as he said, “sorry not sorry”, but were not attractive to him. This dude posted about how a girl doesn’t have a car and has to take a bus to go to HIS place, she “hinted” (didn’t even dare to ask directly) that she wanted this dude to pick her up since he has a car, and the dude was whining here how he didn’t want to do it. 

Note that this dude goes out of his way to put down “older women” (aka women his age) in his post, he could have stated his preference without putting down women over 30, yet he writes passive aggressive things like “sorry not sorry”, “older women are desperate”, “older women have more testosterone”, etc. MASSIVE RED FLAGS of an abuser.

Also, I am 30 myself and I cannot image dating a 20 year old guy, or have a 20 year old friend, I can’t even talk to 20 year olds here on this forum because they are saying nonsense and often are really arrogant/snappy about it too (aka, the donning Kruger effect). People under the age of 25 don’t even have their brains fully developed yet. 

Obviously, many 30+ year olds can be just as stupid, and just because you’re older doesn’t mean you are wise. BUT the reverse is definitely not true, every young person will not have experience, and therefore, be an idiot. Especially if they’ve had trauma/difficult childhood - that stuff takes years to realize and years to heal. 

I’ve then looked through some comments under the YouTube video and saw this and it blew my mind. I went to catholic school and had to wear uniform to school every day (grey pants and blue school top) and I would get cat called by older men all the time! It very rarely happens now that I am older. 

 

This video touched me especially bad because I’ve been in this kind of relationship myself when I was in my early 20s. I believed everything he said because in my head he was older and therefore “wiser” and must know better and I should just listen to him and everything he says and we’ll be happy (that’s also what he would tell me). This relationship took me years to recover from.  Heard this before too.. lol

Some of my friends had even worse experience with older men when they were younger, ending in really tragic ways, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. 

The power balance in these relationships is extremely twisted. And the damage this kind of relationship can do to someone when they are just starting off dating is also incomprehensible. As you grow older you develop thicker skin so you can withtand relationship heartbreaks and you won’t let anyone abuse/gaslight you and have strength and knowledge to walk away from these toxic MFs right away.

Is it just abusive misogynists who go for those innocent young women? Ones that just want the woman to shut the fuck up spread her legs and eat his dick without much complains/anything in return? Ones who don’t see women as equal partners but rather someone they can dominate, rule and train? 

Edited November 30, 2022 by no_name

[no_name]

@Lila9 Oh wow that is horrible, can’t believe these things are so common. A guy once screamed at me at 8 am while I was walking to the bus stop to go to school if I want to suck his dick. My best friend had it worse though, she used to get flashed all the time when she was a kid, it never happened to me luckily.

Yea, I would kill them too, or call the police right away ?

[Raze]

No not really. While some men are abusive it’s not really an age gap thing as abuse and cat calls can happen at any age, it isn’t just in age gap relationships. You can be taken advantage of at any age. The simple fact is on average men value youth and beauty so they go for younger women, while women value money, status, and personality so they go for older men. Plus male brains mature slower than female brains so an older man would actually relate more to a younger woman on average. The idea that all men who want younger women are predators is pretty clearly cope coming from older women who can’t handle the reality that their sexual market value has declined. In other countries were even more extreme age gaps are normalized you don’t see as many of these complaints because there aren’t as many single older women. In the past the complaint was men who wanted younger women were “immature” and can’t handle a mature woman, but now it seems the stereotype is escalating from immature to predatory, but not really based in any logic either way.
 

In addition from my experience another reason why men go for younger women is because a lot of older women are bitter and actually have worse personalities and more entitlement due to all the attention they got when they were younger and insecurity from aging. Plenty of men would actually be fine with a woman their age or older if they weren’t constantly running into that.

[no_name]

17 minutes ago, Raze said:

You can be taken advantage of at any age. The simple fact is on average men value youth and beauty so they go for younger women, while women value money, status, and personality so they go for older men.

That’s BS. You can take advantage of unexperienced people, unexperienced people can be older of course, but young = 100% unexperienced. If you’ve had experience and are still being taken advantage of, you’re just an idiot.

Yea that’s the BS the society is telling you. Young women want love, majority couldn’t care less about money and status at that age… if anything it’s the other way around LMAO. And people in their late 20s and 30s are just as beautiful, if not more.

[no_name]

35 minutes ago, Raze said:

Plus male brains mature slower than female brains so an older man would actually relate more to a younger woman on average.

Take note that this narrative is exactly the reason why young men struggle with women so much, because women are constantly told this bs and brainwashed to ignore men of their age. Show me valid scientific studies on this.

A 0.5 second google search disproves this BS.

If you’re just going to spew nonsense and use bro-science don’t reply to my posts please.

Edited November 30, 2022 by no_name

[no_name]

27 minutes ago, Raze said:

The idea that all men who want younger women are predators is pretty clearly cope coming from older women who can’t handle the reality that their sexual market value has declined. In other countries were even more extreme age gaps are normalized you don’t see as many of these complaints because there aren’t as many single older women. In the past the complaint was men who wanted younger women were “immature” and can’t handle a mature woman, but now it seems the stereotype is escalating from immature to predatory, but not really based in any logic either way.

That is again garbage being spread in your incel misogynistic circles. Trust me that no woman is jealous of an old creep who keeps chasing young pussy all his life. What women feel is disgust and worry for the young woman, because they know these women are just being used and traumatized - they were these young women before.

Age gaps is also a totally different thing, if you’re 50 and dating a 35 year old, it’s ok, you’re both mature adults. But if you’re 35 and date someone under 25 and who’s still on college, that’s just sick. 

Watch the video before commenting.

Edited November 30, 2022 by no_name

[no_name]

29 minutes ago, Raze said:

In addition from my experience another reason why men go for younger women is because a lot of older women are bitter and actually have worse personalities and more entitlement due to all the attention they got when they were younger and insecurity from aging. Plenty of men would actually be fine with a woman their age or older if they weren’t constantly running into that.

Would be more interested to hear of your ACTUAL experience.

Also are you from India? Indian men are non-datable in US because they are probably the most misogynistic and entitled men on the planet. 

Also, becoming bitter with age is a phenomena both genders may face if they are regressing in life. Men who think it only applies to women are usually bitter AF themselves.

[Raze]

4 hours ago, no_name said:

That’s BS. You can take advantage of unexperienced people, unexperienced people can be older of course, but young = 100% unexperienced. If you’ve had experience and are still being taken advantage of, you’re just an idiot.

Yea that’s the BS the society is telling you. Young women want love, majority couldn’t care less about money and status at that age… if anything it’s the other way around LMAO. And people in their late 20s and 30s are just as beautiful, if not more.

What you are saying makes no sense. If this was the case the only couples that would have abuse would be age gapped ones, but that isn’t true. People can and are taken advantage of at any age.

Young women do want love, but they don’t want love from just anyone. They are attracted to specific traits such as status, resources, confidence, etc. which older men tend to have more of.

3 hours ago, no_name said:

Take note that this narrative is exactly the reason why young men struggle with women so much, because women are constantly told this bs and brainwashed to ignore men of their age. Show me valid scientific studies on this.

A 0.5 second google search disproves this BS.

If you’re just going to spew nonsense and use bro-science don’t reply to my posts please.

Not a myth, it’s well established scientifically.

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/849423

3 hours ago, no_name said:

That is again garbage being spread in your incel misogynistic circles. Trust me that no woman is jealous of an old creep who keeps chasing young pussy all his life. What women feel is disgust and worry for the young woman, because they know these women are just being used and traumatized - they were these young women before.

Age gaps is also a totally different thing, if you’re 50 and dating a 35 year old, it’s ok, you’re both mature adults. But if you’re 35 and date someone under 25 and who’s still on college, that’s just sick. 

Watch the video before commenting.

Women are clearly jealous because they are constantly flipping out about it even when there is no indication anyone is being abused. See the anger at Leonardo DiCaprio only dating younger women. Once again, people can also be abused when dating someone of the same age bracket, so saying that abuse can happen doesn’t matter in this conversation, it can happen regardless of the age of the couple.

You are legally an adult at 18 and the female brain is pretty much done developing at 25.

3 hours ago, no_name said:

Would be more interested to hear of your ACTUAL experience.

Also are you from India? Indian men are non-datable in US because they are probably the most misogynistic and entitled men on the planet. 

Also, becoming bitter with age is a phenomena both genders may face if they are regressing in life. Men who think it only applies to women are usually bitter AF themselves.

Being misogynistic or entitled as a man doesn’t necessarily make it harder to date women, if it did than we wouldn’t have issues of women ending up in relationships with bad men. You can be misogynistic or entitled as a man and still have an easier time dating than a man who isn’t if you have traits that attract women, in the same way a woman with a bad personality who is very beautiful woman can have an easier time dating than one who has a good personality but isn’t as pretty. 
 

No I’m not Indian but I’ve never seen any evidence Indian men are “non datable” in the US because they are misogynistic or entitled. If anything Indian men who struggle dating, struggle because they are too nice and shy due to their traditional upbringing.

I didn’t say it only applies to women. 

Edited November 30, 2022 by Raze

[no_name]

9 minutes ago, Raze said:

What you are saying makes no sense. If this was the case the only couples that would have abuse would be age gapped ones, but that isn’t true. People can and are taken advantage of at any age.

Young women do want love, but they don’t want love from just anyone. They are attracted to specific traits such as status, resources, confidence, etc. which older men tend to have more of.

Not a myth, it’s well established scientifically.

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/849423

Women are clearly jealous because they are constantly flipping out about it even when there is no indication anyone is being abused. See the anger at Leonardo DiCaprio only dating younger women. Once again, people can also be abused when dating someone of the same age bracket, so it doesn’t matter.

You are legally an adult at 18 and the female brain is pretty much done developing at 25.

Being misogynistic or entitled as a man doesn’t necessarily make it harder to date women, if it did than we wouldn’t have issues of women ending up in relationships with bad men. No I’m not Indian but I’ve never seen any evidence Indian men are “non datable” in the US. If anything Indian men who struggle, struggle because they are too nice and shy.

I didn’t say it only applies to women. 

What I am saying makes perfect sense but you need to be smart to understand it.

I was a young woman once and I’ve had many friends so I know better than you what young women want. 
 

A random news article is not a valid scientific paper. 
 

Women are not jealous they are creeped out.

 

There’s 7 years between the age of 18 to 25 where the brain is still not developed despite being of legal age.

There is a chance of being abused when you’re lower, but it’s much higher when you’re younger. Did you take statistics in school? Do you understand likelihood and probability? 

I’ve been approached by Indian men more than any other men in my life. The “shy” ones hold very misogynistic incel values.

Edited November 30, 2022 by no_name

[eos_nyxia]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

No not really. While some men are abusive it’s not really an age gap thing as abuse and cat calls can happen at any age, it isn’t just in age gap relationships. You can be taken advantage of at any age. The simple fact is on average men value youth and beauty so they go for younger women, while women value money, status, and personality so they go for older men. Plus male brains mature slower than female brains so an older man would actually relate more to a younger woman on average. The idea that all men who want younger women are predators is pretty clearly cope coming from older women who can’t handle the reality that their sexual market value has declined. In other countries were even more extreme age gaps are normalized you don’t see as many of these complaints because there aren’t as many single older women. In the past the complaint was men who wanted younger women were “immature” and can’t handle a mature woman, but now it seems the stereotype is escalating from immature to predatory, but not really based in any logic either way.

This is anecdotally just not true for many of us. Do you think women are crying about "aging out" of being harassed in a menacing way in public, some of us, starting from about 12 years old? (I've heard younger as well, at times.)

Are you serious? What sort of reality bubble do you guys live in?

Must be nice to have the opportunity to be so utterly clueless about what a large segment of the population goes through.

Quote

In addition from my experience another reason why men go for younger women is because a lot of older women are bitter and actually have worse personalities and more entitlement due to all the attention they got when they were younger and insecurity from aging. Plenty of men would actually be fine with a woman their age or older if they weren’t constantly running into that.

Yea, part of it is this thing called self-protective boundaries which prevents you from getting screwed over in the first place.

Edited November 30, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[Raze]

4 hours ago, no_name said:

What I am saying makes perfect sense but you need to be smart to understand it.

I was a young woman once and I’ve had many friends so I know better than you what young women want. 
 

A random news article is not a valid scientific paper. 
 

Women are not jealous they are creeped out.

 

It’s not a random news article, it links to a paper.

I can tell how creeped out they are by how many thousands of women throw themselves at him. Ultimately if older men dating younger women was really “creepy”, then it wouldn’t happen because women would be creeped out, yet it still occurs.

3 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

This is anecdotally just not true for many of us. Do you think women are crying about "aging out" of being harassed in a menacing way in public, some of us, starting from about 12 years old? (I've heard younger as well, at times.)

Are you serious? What sort of reality bubble do you guys live in?

Must be nice to have the opportunity to be so utterly clueless about what a large segment of the population goes through.

Yea, part of it is this thing called self-protective boundaries which prevents you from getting screwed over in the first place.

No, I didn’t say women want to be catcalled. But given how many billions of dollars anti aging products sell for women, yes most women do prefer to look younger. I also never said all women. 

[eos_nyxia]

3 hours ago, no_name said:

Can you imagine a grown mature woman taking a bus in the middle of the night to go to some dudes house like a free hooker to then have him be an ungrateful lecturing douchebag to her? Neither can I.

I can't imagine at any point in my life ever doing this, lol. That's some low self-esteem...

Quote

This reminded me a lot about a recent post here by a dude who is 30 and says he only likes young girls, because women his age, as he said, “sorry not sorry”, but were not attractive to him. This dude posted about how a girl doesn’t have a car and has to take a bus to go to HIS place, she “hinted” (didn’t even dare to ask directly) that she wanted this dude to pick her up since he has a car, and the dude was whining here how he didn’t want to do it. 

Note that this dude goes out of his way to put down “older women” (aka women his age) in his post, he could have stated his preference without putting down women over 30, yet he writes passive aggressive things like “sorry not sorry”, “older women are desperate”, “older women have more testosterone”, etc. MASSIVE RED FLAGS of an abuser.

I saw this post either. I would say.... if he wants to advertise loudly and clearly that he's no prize, let him have it. But then you think of the damage that this attitude potentially does to other people, and it's just not right.

It is ridiculous to suggest that a woman's only motive for critiquing this behaviour is """being jealous""". Some of us feel a sense of responsibility towards younger women and girls. 

I use to teach them. Do you think I want or would have ever wanted them to see them go through some of the stuff I went through, or possibly even worse?

Quote

Also, I am 30 myself and I cannot image dating a 20 year old guy, or have a 20 year old friend, I can’t even talk to 20 year olds here on this forum because they are saying nonsense and often are really arrogant/snappy about it too (aka, the donning Kruger effect). People under the age of 25 don’t even have their brains fully developed yet. 

Obviously, many 30+ year olds can be just as stupid, and just because you’re older doesn’t mean you are wise. BUT the reverse is definitely not true, every young person will not have experience, and therefore, be an idiot. Especially if they’ve had trauma/difficult childhood - that stuff takes years to realize and years to heal.

Personally, I try to take it on a case-by-case basis, keeping in mind that not all younger people have ridiculous, know-it-all attitudes (which I also try to take in stride). I also try to keep in mind what it was like to be dismissed by older people when I was younger (for things that I was right about), and I try to keep that in mind.

Edited November 30, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[NoSelfSelf]

What happens in relationships is scary to think about

But my queastion is what makes 18 year old dating other 18 year old any different is it age or character of the individual?

[eos_nyxia]

Ah, the very classic strategy of "dismissing all female concerns" as being jealous/ crazy. How incredibly predictable.

Personally, reading the thread that the OP mentioned actually made me really grateful for having aged out of this treatment, and basically being targeted for being a young piece of ass. It's like filtering out a bunch of people that I would rather not deal with in my spare time, likely for any reason. It's not that flattering and it never was, particularly. You're basically interchangeable.

Edited November 30, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[integral]

Whats the point of this topic? To be angry at 30+ men that dont grow up?

[integral]

Oh its about bonding over hardships, ok i understand now. 

[Ulax]

3 hours ago, no_name said:

In the video the girl talks about how she was 19 and dating a guy 15 years older than her. She was taking a bus to see him, but was running late. He called her asking where she was and when she said she was just getting on the bus, he replied “didn’t we talk about your lateness before?”

Can you imagine a grown mature woman taking a bus in the middle of the night to go to some dudes house like a free hooker to then have him be an ungrateful lecturing douchebag to her? Neither can I.

@no_name

I don't see an issue with the actions of the guy in these two paragraphs

[no_name]

42 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

What happens in relationships is scary to think about

But my queastion is what makes 18 year old dating other 18 year old any different is it age or character of the individual?

Because it’s an equal field, both people are developing, no one is overpowering the other. Same as teenagers dating in high school.

[integral]

7 minutes ago, no_name said:

Because it’s an equal field, both people are developing, no one is overpowering the other. Same as teenagers dating in high school.

Yes they are. its an abusive disaster. 

Edited November 30, 2022 by integral

[integral]

Ive tried to make this point before with out success, but younger women abuse older men as well. Many older men are needy, lonely and desperate and are easily taken advantage of by a pretty thing. 

There is a wide range of diverse situations people can fall into. 

Edited November 30, 2022 by integral