Have my dreams been killed?

[ThePoint]

I don’t care about the dreams I used to have at all anymore. I don’t care about my vision or goals at all anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore.

I’ve been in a dissociated state for the past 2 years. I don’t feel like my self at all. I’m just apathetic, and can’t feel any emotions. Just completely numb.

I lost years of built up momentum and foundation, took so many years to build and it all came crashing down when I got my health problems. It was all starting to pay off, but nope, my life turned upside down. Now I’ve regressed in pretty much all aspects of my life, and as every day passes I feel like I’m losing touch with my true self more and more.

I used to not have any addictions because I had passions that I cared about, but now I do have two addictions (food and masturbation) to cope with how the numbness and suffering I feel every day. 

I feel like I am very behind on life now, and it feels too late to catch up because I missed out on irreplaceable opportunities that were right in front of my eyes. If my health problems didn’t happen, I would be in a much, much, better position.  

I don’t care about anything at all anymore. I’m just existing. I don’t know what the point of living is if I can’t even feel emotions anymore. 

I want my self back, but I don’t know how, and with how many treatments I have tried, I am feeling more and more hopeless.

What do I do? Are my dreams are officially killed since I don’t even care about them at all anymore? 

[Eyowey]

42 minutes ago, ThePoint said:

I can’t even feel emotions anymore. 

That's a side effect of masturbating. If you don't quit you will continue to live in hell on earth. If you want to quickly improve your mood and energy try using your computer while standing. Stand for at least 2 hours every day.

https://ramtarak.com/13-crazy-benefits-of-celibacy-on-health-spirituality/

 

 

[ThePoint]

13 minutes ago, Eyowey said:

That's a side effect of masturbating.

@Eyowey To be clear, I got emotional blunting before I got addicted to masturbating. However, I do not disagree with you. Masturbating is probably only making it worse for me. I have tried so many times to quit but I keep coming back. It feels extremely difficult, especially since there are no activities that replace it for me since I completely lost interest in the things I used to enjoy, and I can't experience joy in anything in general anymore. 

13 minutes ago, Eyowey said:

If you want to quickly improve your mood and energy try using your computer while standing. Stand for at least 2 hours a day.

I have a desk that is for use while standing, and I use it quite often because I feel like I don't think as well when I am sitting down. How exactly does this help with masturbation addiction though? 

[Rob06]

Go into nature for a week or weekend. Reflect. Or if things are worse for you, get some type of therapy. Sometimes the most beautiful visions and purposes come from the greatest suffering. Wish you all the best with your healing process.

[ThePoint]

12 hours ago, Rob06 said:

Go into nature for a week or weekend.

Where am I going to sleep?

12 hours ago, Rob06 said:

Wish you all the best with your healing process.

Thank you.

[Leo Gura]

Chronic health problem can definitely be demoralizing like that.

You gotta muster hope and keep troubleshooting solutions to your health issues.

You can re-energize your dreams and goals once your health problems improve, so don't worry about losing them.

But if your health is really bad, yeah, it's gonna be hard to have big dreams because you don't have the energy to work on them.

I've definitely experienced this with my health problems.

Edited November 27, 2022 by Leo Gura

[ThePoint]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Chronic health problem can definitely be demoralizing like that.

You gotta muster hope and keep troubleshooting solutions to your health issues.

@Leo Gura After trying so many things and then failing, I have developed a lot of resistance to trying things.
 

I know logically that I just need to keep trying, but the more things I try without success, the more demoralised I get. So I keep losing hope. 

It’s like, “If THIS didn’t work, then WHAT will??”

When I first got these health problems I was eager to find solutions ASAP and put my all into it. As time passes I’m losing that drive.

Like, is the rest of my life just going to be trying things to solve this problem that’s altering my life??

Hopefully not. 

35 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You can re-energize your dreams and goals once your health problems improve, so don't worry about losing them.

I hope so. I just want my dreams back. I don’t care about the dream I used to have.

It’s like I’ve lost my personality. What happened to me man? I would’ve never thought this would be me. I thought I was going to have an extraordinary life. No, I had an extraordinary life in my grasp already, but I’ve lost it.

38 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I've definitely experienced this with my health problems.

Yeah I feel you man, it sucks. Hope you get better.

Someone on this forum suggested I watch your dream killers series. I remember listening to it a couple years ago before my health problems, maybe it’s a good time for me to listen to them again. 

[mmKay]

I don't want to sound reductionisic about your concerns but if you're a man you will keep fapping until your very last breath.

Keep living life in between faps. No big deal. The world keeps spinning. You are literally giving yourself self-love. 

And also you will keep eating food 'till your last day on this planet. So enjoy it. You are making yourself feel guilty for trying to fill a hole with food. It's one way you are caring or yourself. People fill this leaking hole with relationships, family and many other human distractions. 

Indulge but keep living life would be by message. 

Health problems suck. If you ain't got enough health nothing else matters. 

A big one for me was living in fantasy land and expecting way too much of myself. 

What im saying is, it's okay to dream and have standards for yourself, but also realistically  ballance that with what you are. 

Not to sound condescending, but if all you have is water and flour don't beat yourself up for not baking a 5 star wedding cake. 

You can still make waffles. 

 

Pd: keep troubleshooting. You are more resourceful that you think. Watch blog episode on requisite variety. 

https://www.actualized.org/insights/requisite-variety-and-creative-laziness

Edited November 27, 2022 by mmKay

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, ThePoint said:

@Leo Gura After trying so many things and then failing, I have developed a lot of resistance to trying things.
 

I know logically that I just need to keep trying, but the more things I try without success, the more demoralised I get. So I keep losing hope. 

It’s like, “If THIS didn’t work, then WHAT will??”

I totally understand that. But the key to life is to never quit and keep your spirits high even after lots of failure.

Quote

When I first got these health problems I was eager to find solutions ASAP and put my all into it. As time passes I’m losing that drive.

Well, that just means life is demanding more out of you, a better, stronger you.

Quote

Like, is the rest of my life just going to be trying things to solve this problem that’s altering my life??

But don't overlook how working on this tough problem will grow you and get you deepen your relationship to life.

Solving tough problems has a way of forcing you to really appreciate the time you have left.

Quote

It’s like I’ve lost my personality. What happened to me man? I would’ve never thought this would be me. I thought I was going to have an extraordinary life. No, I had an extraordinary life in my grasp already, but I’ve lost it.

I've experienced that with my health problems. I would estimate I lost half of productivity and creative potential in life. And I've had to make peace with that.

You just gotta be ready for life to throw you very challenging problems and improvise your life plans.

Life is not some simple kid's game. This is as serious as it gets. It's an acquired taste.

Life can get very brutal. People get cancer, lose loved ones in car accidents, lose arms and legs. You gotta be ready to take on challenges like that.

Watch my blog videos on Requisite Variety and my health struggles. That will be most relevant for you.

Edited November 27, 2022 by Leo Gura

[How to be wise]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I've experienced that with my health problems. I would estimate I lost half of productivity and creative potential in life. And I've had to make peace with that.

How much health do you need to sit in front of a camera and make videos? I think if you played less video games and read more books, you can get your old productivity back. 

[Leo Gura]

11 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

How much health do you need to sit in front of a camera and make videos?

Making videos is a tiny aspect of my creative potential.

[How to be wise]

49 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Making videos is a tiny aspect of my creative potential.

Other than your frequent posts on the forum and blog, I’m not aware of your other works. You mentioned in 2016 that you were writing a book, and here we are in 2022. You can’t blame all this on your health.

[Ninja_pig]

This may be a super dry take at this point, but CBT is basically exactly designed for someone in your position.

[Rob06]

On 27-11-2022 at 4:35 AM, ThePoint said:

Where am I going to sleep?

I recently rented a luxurious apartment with a sauna. In nature. 

[ThePoint]

On 27/11/2022 at 6:46 PM, mmKay said:

I don't want to sound reductionisic about your concerns but if you're a man you will keep fapping until your very last breath.

Keep living life in between faps. No big deal. The world keeps spinning. You are literally giving yourself self-love. 

And also you will keep eating food 'till your last day on this planet. So enjoy it. You are making yourself feel guilty for trying to fill a hole with food. It's one way you are caring or yourself. People fill this leaking hole with relationships, family and many other human distractions. 

Indulge but keep living life would be by message. 

Health problems suck. If you ain't got enough health nothing else matters. 

A big one for me was living in fantasy land and expecting way too much of myself. 

What im saying is, it's okay to dream and have standards for yourself, but also realistically  ballance that with what you are. 

Not to sound condescending, but if all you have is water and flour don't beat yourself up for not baking a 5 star wedding cake. 

You can still make waffles.

@mmKay I don't think masturbating and eating food are comparable.

I've been eating food since I was born.

I didn't masturbate at all until like 3 years ago, and I was doing not just fine, but better than when I started to masturbate for the first time.

Do you see the difference? The former is a necessity, unlike the latter.

[ThePoint]

On 27/11/2022 at 6:59 PM, Leo Gura said:

I totally understand that. But the key to life is to never quit and keep your spirits high even after lots of failure.

Well, that just means life is demanding more out of you, a better, stronger you.

But don't overlook how working on this tough problem will grow you and get you deepen your relationship to life.

Solving tough problems has a way of forcing you to really appreciate the time you have left.

I've experienced that with my health problems. I would estimate I lost half of productivity and creative potential in life. And I've had to make peace with that.

You just gotta be ready for life to throw you very challenging problems and improvise your life plans.

Life is not some simple kid's game. This is as serious as it gets. It's an acquired taste.

Life can get very brutal. People get cancer, lose loved ones in car accidents, lose arms and legs. You gotta be ready to take on challenges like that.

Watch my blog videos on Requisite Variety and my health struggles. That will be most relevant for you.

@Leo Gura What I predict, is that once I solve my health problems, all that's going to happen is that I will think of it as a setback. Something that set me back years and cost me irreplaceable opportunities. I don't know how it is going to deepen my relationship to life.

Might I appreciate life more? Sure, for a little while.

But then I will be back to being busy and working on my goals, trying to avoid wage slavery (which takes a lot of labour) and create a self-actualized life.

I've watched those videos a while ago. They have been very helpful and you have given me hope, Leo.

I remember feeling optimistic after watching them, I knew that there were still things I haven't tried.

It's just that applying Requisite Variety in your life requires a lot of persistence and resiliency, which I used to have, but now I feel like I am lacking them now after getting disappointed so many times.

1 hour ago, Rob06 said:

I recently rented a luxurious apartment with a sauna. In nature. 

@Rob06 How can you afford it?

[Majed]

@mmKay you're wise 

[Rob06]

4 hours ago, ThePoint said:

 

@Rob06 How can you afford it?

It was cheap for the time of year. But the point is, you don't need to go out into the wilderness with your tent and your hammock. I meant, just a nice place outside of where you usually live, in the countryside or something. But maybe that's not the thing for you to do at the moment.

[ThermalTide]

Hey friend, no I don't think your dreams have been killed. They have the capacity to be, but only if you feed into this and believe it. The last 2 years have been so hard, I genuinely feel like life has been paused since 2020. All my plans and aspirations were totally shit on. However, I've been able to look at this as an opportunity to grow and adapt. Maybe I'm not going about things the way I thought I would be a few years ago, but I'm still on the right path and haven't given up or lost sight of my dreams. Leo actually instilled the idea into me that I am doing a disservice to the universe by not chasing after my dreams and realizing my purpose. It's the same for you. My advice is to start with basic stuff like sleep hygiene, fitness, meditation and rebuild the foundation you felt you've lost. I make it a point to practice gratitude in the morning by acknowledging how awesome it is that I get to experience what life has to offer. Best of luck to you.