My First Breakthrough

[TwistedOntic]

Made an account just to write this. 3 years ago Leo stumbled upon to me in my Youtube recommendations. It was the video "Conscious Politics". I have no idea how the video stumbled upon me but nevertheless it completely blew me away. I started digging into his channel and the world of Spirituality began to unfold onto me. The topics Leo talked about and taught really fascinated me. Hence brought me to this forum. Never made an account because I never really felt the need to. So for the past two and a half years, I've been mainly lurking until now.

I can go on about how I first tried the psychedelics and how DMT completely blew my world apart, but honestly I have nothing to say about those experiences other than it showed me that there is something about reality I'm not understanding. I experienced the phenomenon of DMT, but didn't understand. So thus my journey begins... I began meditating, self inquiry, studying self bias, yada yada yada you get the drill. For two years I've been doing the work and I thought I was doing pretty good. I came to the conclusion that, yea of course life is a dream, nothing is real, and believing I'm a person is all concept. However I understood them intellectually, I actually never experienced them, and I knew that. It was really frustrating. No matter how many times I tried contemplating, and how long I observed, nothing. And the worst part is the DMT trips seemed to be teasing me. I do a trip and I get the usual "I FIGURED IT OUT" moment, but of course after 8 minutes it leaves me. Really frustrating stuff. 

It's funny, you really want to know the truth, until you experience it. Once you get a slither of it, once your reality starts breaking down and that terror in your chest arise, you'll really think twice if this is the route you want to take.

It happened a month ago. What helped me was a dream I had. I'm a little fuzzy on the dream but I remember I was conversing with someone and he mentioned something along the lines of "you know, you could be in dream and don't know it" Hearing that in a dream would normally get me lucid actually but this is different. Here's the cool part, I actually DID self inquiry IN the dream, thought about who am I, contemplating if reality is indeed a hallucination. Now this is where language gets difficult. The dream felt VERY real as I did the contemplation exercises, and I came up with the SAME conclusion as I did as if I was actually awake. And because of that, I became very grounded in the dream, and this is important. 

It was like the dream and universe was guiding me to this experience, because right after I second guessed if the dream was fake, I woke up.

The freakiest part was that once I woke up, I thought I was still dreaming because it felt EXACTLY the same. I pinched myself, held my breathe, smacked myself, closed my fist really tight, every trick in the book I can think up. Nothing. I could not wake up. I actually thought was still dreaming. I got really scared. I got up, turned on my lights, paced around my room and trying to grasp what the fuck was happening to me. I really got a taste of what it's like for reality to fall apart.

Guys I cannot emphasize this enough, I could not tell if I was in a dream or not. I didn't question my reality in a setting where I'm comfortable, setting my 60 minute timer, and hoping I get a really cool answer. No. I was questioning for the sake of my sanity, my life, and my very being. And I think this is what got me to get the experience I was looking for. I observed my vision, I heard my hearing, and I felt my feelings,

Every sense I had, collapsed into one singular ball. ONE. Nothing else. Nothing outside my consciousness existed. I realized that. This is all there is. Everything else is imaginary. For once in my 2 year journey, I didn't THINK nothing else existed, I EXPERIENCED IT!! My jaw dropped. The delusion of an outside world vanished. I was astonished. It was the second most mind-blowing moment I ever had in my life. 

What moment beats that you asked? Well the one that happened seconds later. After I had that realization, I asked myself, "how is that possible, if nothing outside is sourcing my senses, WHAT IS?" I pondered this not even a full 2 seconds, until  I had the legendary "BAM!!!!" moment.

"I'm God. I'm God!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M GOD HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!" was what I was saying for the next hour. It didn't take long to figure out because it was so goddamn obvious. OF COURSE I'm God! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I'M NOT!! It's the most obvious thing in the universe.

My first God realization. Leo was right. It's not ANYTHING you can think of before you experience it. I was laughing my fucking ass off on how fucking obvious it was. How the fuck did I not realize this SOONER? I was so caught up in my head, my logic and my intelligence that I didn't do the obvious thing and LOOK!! My whole life I wondered how reality was created, and how the universe magically appeared out of nowhere. I didn't exactly answer that in this experience but I do know that I'm creating it. I'm the only one that exists. Every possible event that happened has happened in my consciousness, nowhere else.

I know this is nothing new in this forum but the lesson I learned here is that intellect and experiencing are TWO COMPLETELY THINGS! Even though the experience was terrifying, it was also really beautiful as I was in tears for the rest of that night. I will be continuing on this journey with a new head and recontextualization of reality and I cannot wait for what's more in store

Cheers!   

[aurum]

@TwistedOntic

Awesome work! You got it. Keep contemplating and you’ll deepen your understanding.

[Marvelllious]

Great for you man

[Adodd]

On 11/25/2022 at 1:08 AM, TwistedOntic said:

DMT completely blew my world apart, but honestly I have nothing to say about those experiences other than it showed me that there is something about reality I'm not understanding. I experienced the phenomenon of DMT, but didn't understand. So thus my journey begins...

This is 100% relatable. Exactly how my journey started. Did dmt than started meditating and found Leo’s meditation video.

[Leo Gura]

Excellent!

Yes, the map is not the territory.

But keep going. There's much more to awaken to. You've only begun.

Edited November 28, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Razard86]

On 11/25/2022 at 1:08 AM, TwistedOntic said:

Made an account just to write this. 3 years ago Leo stumbled upon to me in my Youtube recommendations. It was the video "Conscious Politics". I have no idea how the video stumbled upon me but nevertheless it completely blew me away. I started digging into his channel and the world of Spirituality began to unfold onto me. The topics Leo talked about and taught really fascinated me. Hence brought me to this forum. Never made an account because I never really felt the need to. So for the past two and a half years, I've been mainly lurking until now.

I can go on about how I first tried the psychedelics and how DMT completely blew my world apart, but honestly I have nothing to say about those experiences other than it showed me that there is something about reality I'm not understanding. I experienced the phenomenon of DMT, but didn't understand. So thus my journey begins... I began meditating, self inquiry, studying self bias, yada yada yada you get the drill. For two years I've been doing the work and I thought I was doing pretty good. I came to the conclusion that, yea of course life is a dream, nothing is real, and believing I'm a person is all concept. However I understood them intellectually, I actually never experienced them, and I knew that. It was really frustrating. No matter how many times I tried contemplating, and how long I observed, nothing. And the worst part is the DMT trips seemed to be teasing me. I do a trip and I get the usual "I FIGURED IT OUT" moment, but of course after 8 minutes it leaves me. Really frustrating stuff. 

It's funny, you really want to know the truth, until you experience it. Once you get a slither of it, once your reality starts breaking down and that terror in your chest arise, you'll really think twice if this is the route you want to take.

It happened a month ago. What helped me was a dream I had. I'm a little fuzzy on the dream but I remember I was conversing with someone and he mentioned something along the lines of "you know, you could be in dream and don't know it" Hearing that in a dream would normally get me lucid actually but this is different. Here's the cool part, I actually DID self inquiry IN the dream, thought about who am I, contemplating if reality is indeed a hallucination. Now this is where language gets difficult. The dream felt VERY real as I did the contemplation exercises, and I came up with the SAME conclusion as I did as if I was actually awake. And because of that, I became very grounded in the dream, and this is important. 

It was like the dream and universe was guiding me to this experience, because right after I second guessed if the dream was fake, I woke up.

The freakiest part was that once I woke up, I thought I was still dreaming because it felt EXACTLY the same. I pinched myself, held my breathe, smacked myself, closed my fist really tight, every trick in the book I can think up. Nothing. I could not wake up. I actually thought was still dreaming. I got really scared. I got up, turned on my lights, paced around my room and trying to grasp what the fuck was happening to me. I really got a taste of what it's like for reality to fall apart.

Guys I cannot emphasize this enough, I could not tell if I was in a dream or not. I didn't question my reality in a setting where I'm comfortable, setting my 60 minute timer, and hoping I get a really cool answer. No. I was questioning for the sake of my sanity, my life, and my very being. And I think this is what got me to get the experience I was looking for. I observed my vision, I heard my hearing, and I felt my feelings,

Every sense I had, collapsed into one singular ball. ONE. Nothing else. Nothing outside my consciousness existed. I realized that. This is all there is. Everything else is imaginary. For once in my 2 year journey, I didn't THINK nothing else existed, I EXPERIENCED IT!! My jaw dropped. The delusion of an outside world vanished. I was astonished. It was the second most mind-blowing moment I ever had in my life. 

What moment beats that you asked? Well the one that happened seconds later. After I had that realization, I asked myself, "how is that possible, if nothing outside is sourcing my senses, WHAT IS?" I pondered this not even a full 2 seconds, until  I had the legendary "BAM!!!!" moment.

"I'm God. I'm God!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M GOD HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!" was what I was saying for the next hour. It didn't take long to figure out because it was so goddamn obvious. OF COURSE I'm God! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I'M NOT!! It's the most obvious thing in the universe.

My first God realization. Leo was right. It's not ANYTHING you can think of before you experience it. I was laughing my fucking ass off on how fucking obvious it was. How the fuck did I not realize this SOONER? I was so caught up in my head, my logic and my intelligence that I didn't do the obvious thing and LOOK!! My whole life I wondered how reality was created, and how the universe magically appeared out of nowhere. I didn't exactly answer that in this experience but I do know that I'm creating it. I'm the only one that exists. Every possible event that happened has happened in my consciousness, nowhere else.

I know this is nothing new in this forum but the lesson I learned here is that intellect and experiencing are TWO COMPLETELY THINGS! Even though the experience was terrifying, it was also really beautiful as I was in tears for the rest of that night. I will be continuing on this journey with a new head and recontextualization of reality and I cannot wait for what's more in store

Cheers!   

Congrats!!! It can get even crazier....be prepared to be floored even more if you go further. You won't even be able to look at reality the same if you continue further.