Going through rapid growth. I feel like I can't stop looking for "manifestations"

[themarkacosta]

Hi all. Im Mark, 31 m and doing the van life.

Until a few months ago I was dealing with dozens of chronic illnesses over the past decade that were rooted in psychosomatic mechanisms. Now those are all gone from obsessive research and experimentation; I found my answers, but those answers led me to Joe Dispenza.   

For me, Joe Dispenza formed an even more robust scientific idea about those conditions and even further, setting your intention on potential futures and allowing life to carry you to them. Since starting Joe Dispenza's books it APPEARS that my life is providing me curated experiences. Some of those experiences are instantly gratifying like trying to make someone or something appear now instead of having to wait and become emotional. And what I have done to make those manifestations is decide that my emotions werent serving my best interests and meditated instead. Other experiences are more obscured and I may be connecting dots that shouldn't be connected, however,  all of the experiences have been somewhat curated and perfect for what I needed at the time. There are also the other 95% of things that I saw or did that didn't turn into a manifestation.As a result of these 2 weeks listening to Joe, I am not even remotely the same person I was 2 weeks ago in regards to what I am open to and how to better unlock my potential.

 I have been spending time with a friend going through a divorce while traveling and I set the intention to help plant a seed that will grow within him and help him with his mental health and life. He seems to be improving compared to baseline when I arrived and we've done a lot of spiritual work together but I don't know how to fully help. I don't know when I should leave him. I don't know a lot of things about this situation and I tried to put faith in my belief that I can manifest help for others around me. I think now I have set an expectation that I can manifest things and am looking for it all the time though.

Examples of looking for manifestations: 
 - My odometer had an odd pattern of numbers and then trying to figure out what its supposed to mean
 - These 2 stores have names that seem to be telling me to stop in this parking lot so I stop and just  wander around waiting for the message
 - Trying to envision my friend back with his wife and happy and setting that mental intention as though I can help him with his problems via visualizing it and being God's instrument

I also realize theoretically that I am God, I am the universe and the universe is curated for me by myself but I still don't practically understand that or how to emotionally / logically relate to it. 

Honestly, I feel a little like im making stuff up and a little overly confident in myself too. I am not taking huge risks but I am acting in alignment with the belief that im manifesting. I am asking for some grounding, or more dangerously, encouragement. I don't want to be taken off guard by an experience and have a setback. I don't want to get lost looking in the wrong area for answers when someone might be able to guide me better than I can guide myself. Im very capable of self deception and therefore am heavily skeptical. 

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far . Please let me know your thoughts if you have any on the matter. 
 

Edited November 25, 2022 by themarkacosta

[A Fellow Lighter]

 @themarkacosta 

Have you ever considered that perhaps manifestations aren't meant to be sought but, rather, discovered? 

[Razard86]

On 11/24/2022 at 11:27 PM, themarkacosta said:

Hi all. Im Mark, 31 m and doing the van life.

Until a few months ago I was dealing with dozens of chronic illnesses over the past decade that were rooted in psychosomatic mechanisms. Now those are all gone from obsessive research and experimentation; I found my answers, but those answers led me to Joe Dispenza.   

For me, Joe Dispenza formed an even more robust scientific idea about those conditions and even further, setting your intention on potential futures and allowing life to carry you to them. Since starting Joe Dispenza's books it APPEARS that my life is providing me curated experiences. Some of those experiences are instantly gratifying like trying to make someone or something appear now instead of having to wait and become emotional. And what I have done to make those manifestations is decide that my emotions werent serving my best interests and meditated instead. Other experiences are more obscured and I may be connecting dots that shouldn't be connected, however,  all of the experiences have been somewhat curated and perfect for what I needed at the time. There are also the other 95% of things that I saw or did that didn't turn into a manifestation.As a result of these 2 weeks listening to Joe, I am not even remotely the same person I was 2 weeks ago in regards to what I am open to and how to better unlock my potential.

 I have been spending time with a friend going through a divorce while traveling and I set the intention to help plant a seed that will grow within him and help him with his mental health and life. He seems to be improving compared to baseline when I arrived and we've done a lot of spiritual work together but I don't know how to fully help. I don't know when I should leave him. I don't know a lot of things about this situation and I tried to put faith in my belief that I can manifest help for others around me. I think now I have set an expectation that I can manifest things and am looking for it all the time though.

Examples of looking for manifestations: 
 - My odometer had an odd pattern of numbers and then trying to figure out what its supposed to mean
 - These 2 stores have names that seem to be telling me to stop in this parking lot so I stop and just  wander around waiting for the message
 - Trying to envision my friend back with his wife and happy and setting that mental intention as though I can help him with his problems via visualizing it and being God's instrument

I also realize theoretically that I am God, I am the universe and the universe is curated for me by myself but I still don't practically understand that or how to emotionally / logically relate to it. 

Honestly, I feel a little like im making stuff up and a little overly confident in myself too. I am not taking huge risks but I am acting in alignment with the belief that im manifesting. I am asking for some grounding, or more dangerously, encouragement. I don't want to be taken off guard by an experience and have a setback. I don't want to get lost looking in the wrong area for answers when someone might be able to guide me better than I can guide myself. Im very capable of self deception and therefore am heavily skeptical. 

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far . Please let me know your thoughts if you have any on the matter. 
 

1. I've been where you are.....first of all...everything you see right now...IS DECEPTION. The absolute truth is deception....its also all there is. So this little game of I could be deceiving myself....everything is deception. If you have no figured this out....you aren't doing the work seriously enough. You still think there is objective truth...there isn't. There is no objective truth, and there will never be. The only thing you can point to as objectively true....IS YOU!!! And you don't even know what you are. You are an infinite mystery....constantly deceiving yourself because you are groundless and you need a ground to have a life. Mind fuckery enough for you?

2. Here is something you can do.....try to control your own dreams. Your dreams as an ego ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN REALITY!!! So do it, go for it. Try to CONTROL your dreams. Do some day dreaming, maybe try to lucid dream at night. If you can pull that off, then you will have your answer. The sad thing about knowledge is at the end of the day you gotta find it out for yourself. No matter how many books somebody writes, no matter how much times they may guide you through meditations etc.....it won't get you anywhere!!! You need to become...what you are searching for in Joe Dispenza. He is just a guide!!! Run some actual tests!!!! 

If you can successfully do it through day dreaming or night dreaming....then....you can do it in reality. Report back to us your results. The Spiritual Path is the experimentation in direct experience. Gotta get some skin in the game!!!

[JuliusCaesar]

On 11/24/2022 at 9:27 PM, themarkacosta said:

I also realize theoretically that I am God, I am the universe and the universe is curated for me by myself but I still don't practically understand that or how to emotionally / logically relate to it. 

If you feel the need to understand us, you may find the truth in your throat.

[Moksha]

You're wise to be skeptical of self-deception. Not that Conscious manifestations don't occur (they do), but it is according to the ultimate will of Consciousness and not to the so-called will of the human mind.

Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered him, saying, “Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.” But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah."

- Matthew 12:38-39 

You may recall that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, so be careful what you ask for 

Rather than looking for external manifestations, discover God within.

Jesus said to find the Kingdom of Heaven that is within you. Kingdom of Heaven is translated as the Dimension of Spaciousness. It is the inner Dimension of Consciousness. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven does not come with signs that can be perceived. You cannot say it is over here, or over there. The Kingdom of Heaven is within you; it is the eternal subject. “You are what you are looking for.”

- Eckhart Tolle

[Razard86]

On 11/27/2022 at 5:05 PM, Moksha said:

You're wise to be skeptical of self-deception. Not that Conscious manifestations don't occur (they do), but it is according to the ultimate will of Consciousness and not to the so-called will of the human mind.

 

Its better if he finds out through his direct experience. 

[Moksha]

9 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Its better if he finds out through his direct experience. 

Not only better, but the only way. Everything else is just conceptual entrapment, unless it points toward direct realization.