Question for Chads here

[Kalki Avatar]

How do you deal with intimidating women?

Its not only the men who are insecure, women want to be pampered aswell.

I actually want to know how tf do you deal with girls that are attracted to you and talk to you confidently, but then get shy, super insecure and just make it more of a big deal than it has to be.  Im not referring to looks in this case, but my personality. 

I used to lower my value and act more normal (adequate) but that just works to a certain point. Im getting tired and just wanna be fully me which is kinda intimidating because of how much freedom, passion, intelligence, peace, vitality (potential), love, sensuality, charisma, and self-intimacy I express. If I try to be kind and lovely with them they misinterpret it as weak nice guy...which is my natural way of being, very friendly. For which I have then to show what they can understand. Im getting tired of closing my self up for others. 

Is it possible to be born with such a unique personality that my only option might be fall in love with an alien? ?

 

 

Edited November 23, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Eyowey]

I had a dream recently that revealed to me that girls are in cages. The cages represent fear. Girls have been taught to fear men who have their shit together. They think you're a narcissist or psychopath when you're not a sad loser. So they fear you. This fear is not going anywhere so the only thing you can do is make them desire you so much that the desire outweighs the fear.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Eyowey Nice. Yeah, they misinterpret me as a crazy psycho without getting to know me fully. Thats what im trying them to do, to know me so they can chill tf off. Im the chillest guy on earth, lol. 

The part they fear is deep connection and intimacy. Which is what I want. 

And this goes way beyond women... People in general just start to envy, hate for being a healthy open being. 

Thats why I had to close my self up. I couldnt know who to trust because everyone wanted to be near me. I was in innocence loving them, while they were trying to figure me out to dump me down, lol. Good luck. Love is God. 

Edited November 23, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Jannes]

@Kalki Avatar I once had a female friend who was like that. Her joy for life bubbled over constantly. She was pretty close to god. When I compared myself to her, I saw how much I bullshitted myself. I couldn’t really make out who she was because her devil was so small. I was pretty depressed at the time and I didn’t feel like that I deserved her attention. I didn’t feel like I deserved to stand in her light. I probably hurt her because I couldn’t vibe with her. I tried aggressively to push my psyche to her level but I just couldn’t to it. 
Everybody is on his/her way. People might appreciate you more then they are able to express at the time. 

[Kalki Avatar]

@Jannes Thanks. I will just be me but extremely slow and easy with them until they can raise their vibe somewhat and feel more comfort... See, still I have to control myself. Now that you mention your friend, that explains why im always laughing. I even had to get out of the office now because I get bursts of laughs out of nowhere, especially when I see serious people. People misinterpret if I laugh alot when talking with them as if im laughing at them, even if I tell them whatsup. My family gets scared when they sense this zest for life of mine aswell. I also have to repress my sexual energy and feminine energy because it calls too much attention... I recognize I was born in a unique and rare day as my astrology birth chart explains, which is responsible for my rare energy. Im tired of making myself the insecure one, carrying others projected insecurities so they dont feel bad. Seems the only way to deal with these girls will be to explain my self  logically somewhat even if that costs some attraction so they can chill. Aside from what I mentioned, add Chad looks, deepness, humbleness, empathic/compassionate, style, skills, mystery, knowledge, exquisite tastes, street smart, music, etc. See, I dont wanna sound psycho or arrogant in this aspect, but its my case. Maybe I just need to find the same type of girls in the planet. I think scandinavian/ rich euro countries could do the trick. Or maybe I should meet your friend?

PS: Just had a Dejavu out of typing this. 

Edited November 23, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Matt23]

2 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Im getting tired of closing my self up for others. 

Ya... I'd not do this.  But I also appreciate that it's hard when you see this as being antithetical to something else you want (i.e. relationships/connection/intimacy/sexuality).  

First I'd ask, is it true that you need to hide yourself in order to have the relationships and connections you want?  Delve into that (Byron Katie's "The Work" method may work well, or using the CBT Thought Record Worksheet).

Thought Exercise:  consider hypothetically that it will always be true that MOST, not all, women will close down from intimidation when relating with your expressiveness/friendliness... what if that's true?  What would be the most constructive attitude to have in relation to that truth?   For example, maybe you now accept that ya, most women you won't have a connection with.  Ok.  But now you'll simply concentrate more on the ones who can accept your personality and just focus on those.  Maybe you also learn to reduce your desire for such relationships.  Dunno.    ---- (remember, this is hypothetical and I doubt it's true or completely true).  

Finally, ask yourself... What do I really want in relationships right now?  Is it mostly simply sex?  Or do I crave a deeper connection?  The answer to these questions may help you realize how much you want to be authentic vs. "playing along" to create a sort of, maybe, "faux" connection in order to have sex or short-term relationships.  

I guess I believe that in order to have a real, genuine connection with someone, you need to be authentic and genuine yourself.  So, if you're looking for a deeper relationship, the choice seems to be limited to being authentic despite, perhaps (and I doubt it), having women pull-away from feeling intimidated by your personality.

But, maybe you do just need/want to have a bunch of sex and short-term relationships now and can thus afford being a little inauthentic... but I feel that's maybe not ideal and like you gotta weigh the pros and cons of that.  

Good luck & Enjoy

 

P.S. I also just remembered the idea of "being authentic individually" vs. "being authentic while considering others/circumstance".  Maybe some people, myself included, get carried away by being what some may call "too authentic" which may be just like expressing what you feel honestly but that this lacks an awareness of others which can then maybe lead to issues of "It seems when I'm authentic and honest people dislike me and I find it hard to connect."  

Edited November 23, 2022 by Matt23

[Kalki Avatar]

@Matt23 @Matt23  I will revisit this when needed. I get all you said there. What I mean by being me fully is literally opening my self from this inner social cocoon I live. Walking how my body wants, talking at the pitch/rate my natural self wants, interacting without pretense, embodying and expressing positivity, etc. 

A while ago I was hanging with my sister from my true relative self and what a wake up call. Shes very manipulative and my Authentic Self literally cant stand manipulation, pretense, being unnecesarily fancy and comparison, etc. We have a good relationship from my social conditioned ego. But, when I plug into my authenticity and become vulnerable (Humble), people, like it happened a while ago with her, just want to brag on me, dump their crap into me and simply take advantage of my honesty and my immediate repulsion of manipulation. The only reason I know how to manipulate now is because I had to learn it in order to survive with my family and work. Since I was being abused after my first awakenings and True personality exposure. I was almost egoless at that time. I dont know how to interact with such density beings from that position of vulnerability and innocence because I cant pretend from there or imagine (anticipate/calculate) something else in that moment. 

Im extremely honest in the sense that I will only live my Truth. Not necesarily to spit all on people, but at least keep it with me. Thats how intense my personality is. It was really hard to create the ego I have now. It was literally hell, war and suffering. Im just waiting to live on my own to leave this crap. 

Could you explain better the part of being authentic while considering others circumstances? 

Another example of me being me, flowing in authenticity is like people getting me to react. Their ego wants my energy. If im hanging out with them, and am silent for a second they start trying to trash talk for me to say something or move. Its this kind of micro manipulation that I also refer to. The fact that we are interacting doesnt mean I have to be at your pace. I will respond at my own. Then they want to make you feel bad for not being a circus monkey like them. 

Edited November 24, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Roy]

Be who you want to be and find someone to match and compliment you. Stop trying to be someone that appealing and successful with all kinds of women, you try to please everyone and you'll please nobody.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Lila9 @Matt23 @Matt23

@Lila9 Some people have a different concept of Chad. Im simply  handsome/pretty face/cute vibe but with built in toxic masculinity for the sake of survival. I dont use this masculinity on people. I only save it for work and special occasions of conflict. I hate to carry this crappy shield  but its extremely useful against all the narcicists am surrounded by who play victim when I defend my self from their bullshit/manipulation when they sense me vulnerable and humble.

My true self is completely opposite of my social conditioned ego. Im twisted for the sake of survival. I dont even care about gains, profit at heart even thou I could enjoy them aswell. Sometimes I surprise myself when I discover thats really me. I dont fit in in my current society, which is why angels keep telling me to move to switzerland or new zealand but they dont tell me how... lol.

All you said was valid. I know women want that deep down. I want to do that aswell. But, they have ego and are unconscious. For example, one girl im talking to who knows me for a while and likes me, gets reactive, ego inflated, judgy when i open myself meaning I drop my ego. I dont like mind ego games in relationships. Thats what I mean that im direct. I simply am what I am. They dont understand that level of heart purity and start to do all the circus I mentioned. Then they also try to gain power and control, frame me, etc for being that friendly. Thats what they misinterpret as nice guy. So i kinda have to communicate otherwise with some bullshit behaviours of what they think is a man. One even said I have the personality of a kid. Because when im authentic thats really how I feel. Animals and kids get drawn to me when I plug into that frequency. So, being that caring will only work with advanced or conscious women. Not a 20 year old at college who dont know shit about life and just focuses on the stereotypes they are conditioned from media. For which they  sometimes see me as psycho for such an abnormal combination of things due to knowledge, wisdom and life experiences. They dont know how to react to all that stuff. The positive plus the negative. She calls me unusual, is attracted because she cant figure me out as an enigma but also repulsed by the same, Unless I chill tf out of them so she can see and understand clearly my reality/context. Still, I recognize I got healing to do, which is playing a role too. As I said earlier, Its a combination of many things. Im at the point were I think my last option is simply enligthenment/liberation. Because, even if I do healing, I might fall into another crap or re-identify with old trauma that might come up. Healing doesnt mean I wont get hurt again. Enligthenment gets me out of here once and for all, remaining untouched.

All I want is an attractive conscious girl who doesnt play mind ego games and get into manipulation when insecure.

For which im thinking on taking online dating even more serious to find ppl of the same frequency/mindset. Even if its far away, it gives me more pleasure to be fully me, relaxed, and understood than getting laid rushed from the shitty false conditioned ego persona. 

Edited November 24, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Kalki Avatar]

@Roy In your case, how do you localize your types of women?

Edited November 24, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Roy]

24 minutes ago, Kalki Avatar said:

How do you personally localize your types of women?

I moved to a place that better aligned with my lifestyle and values (Vancouver Island). It's not pinpoint yet as I'll have to do some more research and keep living here to find the best spots, but I'm in a way better area than before. I'm more often meeting the kinds of women I like, rather than don't.

[Byun Sean]

You talk to them like normal people.

repeat.

[Matt23]

21 hours ago, Roy said:

(Vancouver Island

Ehhh!!! Woot woot! 

I'm from Campbell River (in Vancouver now though).

Where are you from originally and what part of the island you at now?  

Beautiful place; ocean, lakes, forests, mountains, rivers, rednecks... it's got it all!  

23 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Could you explain better the part of being authentic while considering others circumstances? 

Well, I think it's like being authentic but from different places of your circle of concern or your ability to hold others and go beyond an ego/1st person perspective.  

It's like rather than just doing what YOU (not saying it in a diminutive way) feel like authentically doing, going with the flow of your emotions and sense of truth (which hey, may not be a bad thing and I think has some merit), you do this WHILE ALSO being in tune with and holding, considering, empathizing, caring for others around you.  This leads to both you authentically expressing yourself while also taking into account of a MORE HOLISTIC PICTURE.  

It's like...

Situation A = your awareness is limited to yourself.  So, to you, authenticity means just being/doing/acting/expressing what YOU feel like.  Which is great, but you can go a step further.

Situation B = your awareness has done the ol' transcend and include thing so now it is aware of and holds not only your own perspective but also those of others around you in a holistic picture.  Now, authenticity to you means taking in your own and others' perspectives as nodes of input into a single, holistic picture of the situation with others and will thus change what your authenticity manifests as (perhaps more socially relatable).

In each case there is a sense of "what is authentic" and you try to follow that (if you wish).  

But each one has less or more input of perspectives into the, let's call it the "authenticity generator" which creates the sense of "what is authentic" experientially.  This leads to very different expressions of authenticity yet is still authentic. 

My idea was that you're experiencing issues relating to people even if you're being authentic.  And that it's because often (maybe, or maybe just sometimes, particularly when socializing) your at an ego-centric perspective and don't hold other's perspectives alongside your own (no fucking idea though, just a possibility).  Thus, authenticity + egocentric perspective = authentic but issues with others.  So... the solution I thought would be to to increase your circle of concern and perspective to include others more which would give you the ability to do both.  -->  authenticity + expanded perspective = authenticity and happy relating !   

Phew!  lol.  

Bit of a diatribe but I hope you get the gist.  

This could be totally off the mark, and this is just one idea.  

My initial thing is to just be authentic and be yourself.

 

[Roy]

4 hours ago, Matt23 said:

Ehhh!!! Woot woot! 

I'm from Campbell River (in Vancouver now though).

Where are you from originally and what part of the island you at now?  

Beautiful place; ocean, lakes, forests, mountains, rivers, rednecks... it's got it all!  

I think we talked before I remember you mentioning you were from here! Campbell River I don't know much about or have an opinion, I've only been there once for a date with a girl that lived on a floating shack in the marina at Dockside Fish & Chips haha, it was a good time. You could say I "Made Waves". Also Elk Falls is fucking awesome I want to go back there. Amazing trails and the suspension bridge is cool.

I'm originally from Muskoka Ontario. I'm in Duncan since I moved here. It's a decent enough place with lots of variety. It's a nice central location on the island for exploring. If I want to go to Vic or Nanaimo it's only 40ish minutes either way, and Duncan is built up enough everything I could possibly need to buy is here. My sister flames me for living here (even though she did for 7 years lmao), but I see no reason to pay an extra 40% to live in Victoria or Nanaimo for not much more benefit. It's overly populated and packed there and just nightmarishly busy for my temperament.

Edited November 25, 2022 by Roy

[John Paul]

Maybe you should just reject insecure girls or whatever label you are using (the ones making you feel uncomfortable in your skin) move to the next one. Or just try to bone for practice maybe.

[Matt23]

13 hours ago, Roy said:

lived on a floating shack in the marina at Dockside Fish & Chips haha

Lolz

Sounds like campbell river.

[Roy]

@Matt23 You still kickin on the island?

[Ulax]

@Kalki Avatar Chadosaurus rex here  

What are you looking for?

Sex? Deep relationships? Quick connections?

And where do you want to meet these women?

[The0Self]

On 11/23/2022 at 1:56 PM, Kalki Avatar said:

If I try to be kind and lovely with them they misinterpret it as weak nice guy...which is my natural way of being, very friendly.

This is fine. But if you don’t want them to misinterpret it as nice guy behavior, just be sure to speak with no filter; tease; talk to them like you’re talking to a guy, but with flirtation if they’re an interest.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Kalki Avatar what you're referring at as your "authentic self" is actually your weak beta self. Betas love to go back into the easy way, of being nice and friendly. I face this problem with myself. But I keep ignoring it.

All masculinity is easy to master once all the mental blockages are removed.You should add to your pick up practice,  some sort of therapy to relieve yourself from any bad limiting beliefs or some sort of trauma.

Edited December 5, 2022 by LSD-Rumi