Pickup community - my story

[Mask Seller]

I have felt pain and rejection in the attraction game too. I'm a good - looking woman but that wasn't enough to satisfy my needs.But lets start from the beginning..

I have a really strict father who didn't allow me to go to my classmates' birthday parties or to any after school activity. I would only go from school to my home and vise versa. So, i grew up shy, insecure, socially awkward, introvert, I didn't know my value, I didn't fit in and I was also rejected from the girls because I didn't have nice clothes as they said. But anyway, in my teenage years I had a few friends. In general, in school they liked me and respect me because I was mature, self-regulated, centered, I knew basic psychology and early on i had a love for philosophy, so that was reflected in my vibe. But that wasn't enough in order to gain popularity. So deep down I would envy the other girls that had male friends or they were more at ease around them. Meanwhile, I was really attracted to boys and I used to romanticize them and put them on the pedestal.

After, I went to college so I left home. I got into serious self development. I was socializing a lot and I used to go to bars and clubs. Guys would approach my group of friends but my friends would get most of their attention because they were more comfortable and open around guys. I started studying pickup and the attraction game. I was frustrated because I wanted to attract a high value men but I couldn't. All I could see was some immature boys. Also, I wasn't willing to settle for less. So, I tried harder to be better in order to attract better. After 2 years  and some interaction with men I had developed some skills. Also, I had a glow-up. I became really good looking, social and attractive. I didn't have the results that I wanted until I tried to let go the deep down neediness that I had.

Therefore, I got into a 3 year committed relationship. Finally, I was satisfied and I wasn't into a soul draining search for somebody. I valued a lot this men and I was really grateful to have him in my life. I wasn't clingy or anything because early on in my life I knew that none can complete you or make you happy. Eventually,recently I broke up with him because it turned out that he is a narcissist. I had a heart break and it was shocking for me the outcome of this relationship but I could see the growth opportunity. So, now after 3 months I have got over him and I'm trying to create a new awesome life. I'm in the process also to change my social circle because I don't resonate with them anymore.

So, now, in my mid 20s, I still want a deep relationship with a man ( I want to meet my twin flame) but I don't know what approach should I take. Should I take a more soft approach and work with myself? (for example transcend my need for a high- value man, work with my need for approval, self-worth, work with some trauma, transmute my sexual energy  etc) ; or should I take a more hard approach( for example try to meet new people through groups, activities etc). Currently, I'm building my career and I enjoy a lot my alone time even though sometimes I feel lonely and I miss the romantic touch. Also, I don't feel like going out, especially in bars and clubs..

Anyway, I wanted to share my story. If you resonated with any of what I have shared I would be glad to read your comment. Also, if you intuitively see something that I don't see please post a comment below.

 

 

[Ulax]

Imo, you would get value from the following.

- Getting a new sense of what are and aren't healthy boundaries. (When I say no I feel guilty is a useful book imo)

- Get a new understanding of what counts as abuse (Dr Ramani is a useful resource for this, imo)

- Doing inner work such that your attachment style shifts to a secure attachment. 

Imo, you are currently in an attachment style that makes you attach to people like your father, i.e. narcissists. So, until you change it you will continue to be attracted to this type of man. And if you don't address this you can and likely will get into the cycle of continuously having relationships with thee kinds of men and you'll maybe wonder why you are so 'unlucky' in love. If you switch to secure you'll generally automatically be attracted to people with secure attachment styles. Depth psychotherapy would be my recommendation for making this switch.

- Get an understanding of cluster-b folks and how to deal with them and spot them

Dr Ramani is a useful resource imo.

Edited November 21, 2022 by Ulax
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[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az41hkLie6I

 

[Mask Seller]

2 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Mask Seller this sounds like my life story but if I was born a girl, lol. 

I don't know what to advise you and also don't feel competent to give you any kind of advise to be honest, since I basically struggle with the same stuff and am dealing with similar life questions right now.

What I am starting to tell myself more and more is to not betray who I really am, but instead appreciate it and to listen to my heart more.

I wish you luck.

Thank you! Yes this is exactly what I have realized and I'm thinking about lately. That I should honor myself. Also, I'm thinking that I should not engage in an unconscious self-abandonment, support me, not allow myself to feel diminished and shrank in the face of disapproval by somebody. In general, I feel that my lesson is to trust and empower myself and the other things in life will come naturally at this point.

[Mask Seller]

32 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Mask Seller I think that if I was able to fully be myself and own it 100%, it would be like a superpower.

Absolutely! Same

[Mask Seller]

8 hours ago, Ulax said:

Imo, you would get value from the following.

- Getting a new sense of what are and aren't healthy boundaries. (When I say no I feel guilty is a useful book imo)

- Get a new understanding of what counts as abuse (Dr Ramani is a useful resource for this, imo)

- Doing inner work such that your attachment style shifts to a secure attachment. 

Imo, you are currently in an attachment style that makes you attach to people like your father, i.e. narcissists. So, until you change it you will continue to be attracted to this type of man. And if you don't address this you can and likely will get into the cycle of continuously having relationships with thee kinds of men and you'll maybe wonder why you are so 'unlucky' in love. If you switch to secure you'll generally automatically be attracted to people with secure attachment styles. Depth psychotherapy would be my recommendation for making this switch.

- Get an understanding of cluster-b folks and how to deal with them and spot them

Dr Ramani is a useful resource imo.

Yes I know Dr Ramani. She helped me a lot the last couple of months to break out from the delusion