I “will” die today….

[Galyna]

I’ve just realized it…”I” dies TODAY, always! Don’t let your mind fool you. 
 

You “will”die today! Even though, my reader, you don’t even exist. Oh boy…I will also be dying alone. The most scariest part of the Existence, for the ego, of course. 

Death is not going to be in the always escaping future. It is going to happen today. 
 

Contemplate it. How much time do you have left to mess around? To spend time on truly unnecessary things? 
 

I feel like I don’t have time before I go forever… in this body at least. I want self - realization. And the funny thing is something I want from all my heart, which is death. “I” can’t want it. Therefore , I don’t think I want realization. But as a butterfly I am still going into this direction, to be eaten by a candle light. 
 

As consciousness I will just get back home, as ego… no compromise. 

I love my ego, I don’t want to die…

Edited November 21, 2022 by Galyna

[Breakingthewall]

The good thing is that you will never die. there is no such thing as ego that can die and higher existence. It's just you, it just happens like in those movies where at the end you see that the main character was crazy and was imagining things. It is something very strange and very difficult to see. It is as if we had schizophrenia and the spiritual work was to try to cure it, when our sick mind is all the time doing its schizophrenic work. 

[Galyna]

13 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

The good thing is that you will never die.

"I"  dies every second as illusion ofc, because it does not exist in the first place.  

Interesting that you have mentioned schizophrenia, because I came across this explanation a day ago, heard it from my Master. 

[Galyna]

13 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

Death is an elusion of consciousness you were never born, to begin with, and you can keep your ego but that is up to you as God.

Right... because I, as God, want to sustain this common sense, keep sanity, therefore,the illusory identity is there. 

[Moksha]

The closer I got to ego death, the more fiercely my ego fought to stay alive. It was terrifying and disorienting. I remember feeling so shaken that I had to use both hands to raise a glass. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to safely drive to meet a friend for lunch.

Then I realized a couple of saving truths:

1) It wasn't necessary to push myself so hard. I deliberately put the brakes on my spiritual progress, not entirely, but enough to give myself some breathing room. When profound realizations occur, give yourself time to process them rather than feeling they have to be integrated immediately.

2) The ego is not the personality of your conditioned mind, but only identification with the personality. It is possible to be awake, and still honor the persona that your ultimate nature has chosen to enjoy, without being defined by it.

[Moksha]

@Jehovah increases ?I used to think the conditioned mind was the enemy, but have realized it isn't actually evil. It is just trying to survive, as evolution trained it to do. Like a rampaging elephant that simply needs to be tamed. As long as you don't identify with it, but gently domesticate it, the mind can become a powerful ally. Who doesn't like riding on the back of an elephant, guiding it where you want to go? ?

Long ago my mind used to wander as it liked and do what it wanted. Now I can rule my mind as the mahout controls the elephant with his hooked staff.

- Dhammapada 23:326

[Breakingthewall]

8 hours ago, Galyna said:

Interesting that you have mentioned schizophrenia, because I came across this explanation a day ago, heard it from my Master. 

When I have had moments of collapse of dualities, especially sober, lately, the idea that remains with me is that, like operating in the illusion of separation is a form of madness. but then you settle into the illusion and it is so definite and perfect that it seems sanity again. there is no such thing as ego and higher self, they are the same. In the end, you are always there, is the dualities that are false. like the schizophrenic in the film, when it ends, the viewer sees that he was imagining everything, nothing was real. the job is to see that on a daily basis. It seems impossible, it's very strange. we are designed for madness. but it's not real! We want the truth, so we have to break that illusion 

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Galyna]

16 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

Yes and you can keep your illusory identity as long as you wish because you are God

Bravo to this choice of mine, as a God, to keep this illusion. I love it. ?

[Galyna]

15 hours ago, Moksha said:

 

The closer I got to ego death, the more fiercely my ego fought to stay alive. It was terrifying and disorienting.

 

What was the most scary thing? To disappear?

[Razard86]

16 hours ago, Moksha said:

2) The ego is not the personality of your conditioned mind, but only identification with the personality. It is possible to be awake, and still honor the persona that your ultimate nature has chosen to enjoy, without being defined by it.

^^^This!!! You got it!!! I am so happy to hear that some are getting it. Awakening is just escape from a false identity, which allows you to see it for what it is. You can still love and cherish it, while also realizing that it isn't you. It is your creation, this is freedom, this also frees you up to love all of your creation now since you realize you are immortal and that all of creation is equal to what you thought was self. The reason that self isn't you, is because all of creation is you. 

So beautiful when this is recognized...you get the peace that passes all understanding....what Allan Watts likes to call "phew." Because you realize...everything is alright. There are no problems....you just create problems through interpretation. 

[Moksha]

2 hours ago, Galyna said:

What was the most scary thing? To disappear?

It was the primal fear of extinction, like standing at the edge of your grave and realizing you are only one step away from the dissolution of everything you used to believe was you. The thinner your personality becomes, the harder the conditioned mind fights for survival. As your attachments fray, there is an enormous ego backlash, at least there was for me. It will test the integrity of your insights to the brink of apparent death. The mind doesn't understand that it isn't truly being threatened, only identification with it. I still cherish my persona, and enjoy life through it, realizing that I created it for a reason.

@Razard86 Isn't it ironic that desperately clinging to the mind for meaning so severely limits your ability to enjoy life? The desire to find happiness outside of your true nature only leads to suffering. Realizing who you are liberates you to fully love yourself and all of life. You see yourself in every being, and it is beautiful.

I feel this is why nihilism and solipsism are so limiting. Realizing the void or believing "you" are the only actuality is only a partial awakening.  It disparages the universe as a useless illusion and disrespects the reason for its creation. It is all still Consciousness, enjoying the phenomenal drama of itself.

Edited November 22, 2022 by Moksha

[Breakingthewall]

56 minutes ago, Moksha said:

feel this is why nihilism and solipsism are so limiting. Realizing the void or believing "you" are the only actuality is only a partial awakening.  It disparages the universe as a useless illusion and disrespects the reason for its creation. It is all still Consciousness, enjoying the phenomenal drama of itself.

both one and the other are just ideas. the real enlightenment is not mental, it goes much further, and it is extremely rare. momentary awakening could be habitual. the mystical experience in which dualities collapse and you reveal yourself as the whole, btw I recently had a complete one without psychedelics. but this lasts a few minutes. then you go back to the dualities and go into the state of insanity completely and the awakening becomes an idea. another compartment of the ego.

well, this is always better than adopting it from having seen a video, although it really is similar. It doesn't matter if someone else tells you a story than telling it yourself. it's just a story. the awakening is now, and now I'm asleep. I need 2 hours of meditation to make the walls bit softer, and even that they are 

Edited November 22, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Moksha]

41 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

both one and the other are just ideas. the real enlightenment is not mental, it goes much further, and it is extremely rare.

I agree, but these ideas can be derived from a partial awakening. You can directly realize nothingness, or the Consciousness that you are, without the deeper realization that Consciousness is all, including the universe that it creates. The problem is, people may have these partial realizations and then build a theory on it, which locks them into a conceptual framework that prevents a full awakening.

[Kshantivadin]

17 minutes ago, Moksha said:

I agree, but these ideas can be derived from a partial awakening. You can directly realize nothingness, or the Consciousness that you are, without the deeper realization that Consciousness is all, including the universe that it creates. The problem is, people may have these partial realizations and then build a theory on it, which locks them into a conceptual framework that prevents a full awakening.

you guys are so smart ??? thank you all for posting

[Breakingthewall]

18 minutes ago, Moksha said:

I agree, but these ideas can be derived from a partial awakening. You can directly realize nothingness, or the Consciousness that you are, without the deeper realization that Consciousness is all, including the universe that it creates. The problem is, people may have these partial realizations and then build a theory on it, which locks them into a conceptual framework that prevents a full awakening.

awakening is difficult because we are a kind of energetic pattern with defined forms. there are many layers, all cemented together by fear. true awakening requires putting your entire structure in order, and undoing each of the knots. if this happens it is an energetic event, not a mental one. It is something impossible to conceive by the mind, as if it were the 5th dimension. the mind can elaborate ideas, understand, but the energetic structure will not change. psychedelics can, to a certain extent, and meditation and understanding the structures can too. progress is being made little by little, perhaps in a lifetime not of time. It is also coordinated with relative events.

 

[Moksha]

@Kshantivadin ?

@Breakingthewall Here's how I saw it a couple years back, based mostly on contemplations of the Bhagavad Gita and other spiritual writings that resonated with me:

The body, the mind, sensations, feelings, perceptions, thoughts, and desires are all fields of forces that Consciousness bundles into a dream form. Waking up is nothing more than Consciousness realizing itself within the dream form. The more awake someone becomes, the more sublime these energies become, until the someone entirely dissolves.

How it all works is the great mystery, and as you say it cannot be conceptually conceived. I have directly realized Consciousness, but I haven't seen far enough behind the phenomenal curtain to understand how Consciousness does its thing. I do sense that in relative reality, there are energetic reactions within and between forms, which somehow are ultimately caused by Consciousness, but that is as far as my understanding goes.

[Breakingthewall]

10 minutes ago, Moksha said:

How it all works is the great mystery, and as you say it cannot be conceptually conceived. I have directly realized Consciousness, but I haven't seen far enough behind the phenomenal curtain to understand how Consciousness does its thing. I do sense that in relative reality, there are energetic reactions within and between forms, which somehow are ultimately caused by Consciousness, but that is as far as my understanding goes.

I'd say it's a work of erosion. As you polish the edges and barriers that form you, the understanding becomes deeper. the conceptual phase is left behind, and the structure of reality is penetrated. one becomes more perceptive every day, and discovers new edges that were hidden. the background sensation begins to be joy, although with some interference. underneath there are more edges, more fear to discover. Until I guess there's absolutely nothing left and understanding is total

 

 

 

[Moksha]

5 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

I'd say it's a work of erosion. As you polish the edges and barriers that form you, the understanding becomes deeper.

I see it that way too. Another analogy would be Consciousness carving away the detritus from a block of marble, until only its pure Self, which was always hidden inside, remains. The detritus is the personality, or the conditioned mind. How Consciousness is both the sculptor and the sculpted is incomprehensible, but the reality that it is can be directly realized.

[Galyna]

Oh me, I got so many replies. 
Yahoo! Will get back soon, don’t change the channel. ?

❤️

Edited November 22, 2022 by Galyna