What to do if a girl puts her head on your shoulder?

[Jannes]

(If I have sexual or romantic intentions)
That a girl put her head on my shoulder and I didn’t know how to respond happened to me multiple times. I feel like I should at the bare minimum show her that what she does is okay. I don’t know how though. You could probably go for a kiss on the head or something if your advanced?  
 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Jannes

[hoodrow trillson]

Put your arm around her.

[Tyler Robinson]

Put your arms around her. And tilt your head to touch her head slightly. 

Give her your masculine warmth and assurance. Generally a girl putting her head on your shoulder is a gesture that she is looking for masculine comfort and assurance. 

 

And do it as long as she doesn't lift her head up on her own. If you prematurely took your arm away, she would take it as a signal that you're probably bored or find her clingy/needy and don't want to be her shoulder anymore. This can feel disappointing and also make you look bad or make her feel unwanted. 

So avoid doing classic mistakes. 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Jannes]

7 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

Put your arm around her.

5 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Put your arms around her.

So simple yet so genius ?

5 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

And tilt your head to touch her head slightly. 

That was the only thing I thought about last time but I was to big to reach her head comfortably.

5 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Give her your masculine warmth and assurance. Generally a girl putting her head on your shoulder is a gesture that she is looking for masculine comfort and assurance. 

 

And do it as long as she doesn't lift her head up on her own. If you prematurely took your arm away, she would take it as a signal that you're probably bored or find her clingy/needy and don't want to be her shoulder anymore. This can feel disappointing and also make you look bad or make her feel unwanted. 

So avoid doing classic mistakes. 

 

Yeah I know. It’s like I know exactly that I disappoint her in that moment but I don’t know how to act not creepy so I just freeze and feel horrible about it. 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Jannes if you treat a woman as your equal then you would stop having fears and treat her like family. 

The problem is guys like you put women on a pedestal. Then you begin to fear every little thing and suspect every little move. 

Women smell fear and insecurity in a man from a mile. Trust me on that line even if you don't want to take dating advice from women. Women smell fear and insecurity from a mile. They don't like that smell. It stresses them out. 

So try to be more confident of who you are. Growing that confidence is a part of growing your manliness. 

First she will see your manliness. Then she will see your character. 

 

[Jannes]

35 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Jannes if you treat a woman as your equal then you would stop having fears and treat her like family. 
 

Sure I have to work on that for sure. Not just when it comes to women but people in general. I have a hard time feeling accepted due to trauma, lonely childhood etc.

Quote

The problem is guys like you put women on a pedestal. Then you begin to fear every little thing and suspect every little move. 

Women smell fear and insecurity in a man from a mile. Trust me on that line even if you don't want to take dating advice from women. Women smell fear and insecurity from a mile. They don't like that smell. It stresses them out. 

But my physical escalation is especially terrible. I can’t be confident in something when I don’t know how to do it at all. And physical escalation isn’t a beginner friendly subject, you can transform from a normal dude to a creep in a second if you don’t know how to do it at all. 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Jannes

[Tyler Robinson]

14 minutes ago, Jannes said:

But my physical escalation is especially terrible. I can’t be confident in something when I don’t know how to do it at all. And physical escalation isn’t a beginner friendly subject, you can transform from a normal dude to a creep in a second if you don’t know how to do it at all. 

I remember my exes physically escalating on me. If a girl likes you, she won't mind it. In fact she would appreciate your sexual attention. 

You shouldn't hesitate so much if a girl has clearly shown signals that she likes you. 

I never said no to a guy escalating on me. It was obvious that I wanted him to kiss me. Sexual intercourse is a different thing and she might let you know on that. 

But you need to be sexually intimate at least. Kissing is very normal. If she is avoiding then she is probably not that much into you. 

Sexual intimacy early on is a great indicator of knowing if a woman is into you.

One way of doing this is to not do it physically at first. My third boyfriend did this trick. He didn't get physical right away. First he said that he wanted to be inside me. He wanted to touch me and kiss me and he was feeling horny for me. 

Try something like that. Drop a hint of feeling horny and sexual through language rather than touch. If she is turned on she is really attracted to you. 

And I don't get this whole creep thing. How can you be a creep when you both have shown liking for one another. Is she running a shit test on you to check if you're a fuck boy. Well then you can't do much if someone misinterprets your actions. That's bound to happen at any point. If someone knows you for who you are, you wouldn't need to provide endless justifications. 

What I sense is a lack of harmony, trust and communication 

You can't sustain or even start a relationship being full of doubts. It doesn't go anywhere. 

Maybe this is just a random fling and you both haven't known each other for a long time. 

I personally stay away from such relationships where possibilities of suspicions can arise. They don't last long. It's always leads to people simply testing each other and results in a blunder.. 

Better stick with someone you're comfortable with 

I sum it up as — the system itself is broken 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Jannes]

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I remember my exes physically escalating on me. If a girl likes you, she won't mind it. In fact she would appreciate your sexual attention. 

You shouldn't hesitate so much if a girl has clearly shown signals that she likes you. 

I never said no to a guy escalating on me. It was obvious that I wanted him to kiss me. Sexual intercourse is a different thing and she might let you know on that. 

But you need to be sexually intimate at least. Kissing is very normal. If she is avoiding then she is probably not that much into you. 

Sexual intimacy early on is a great indicator of knowing if a woman is into you.

One way of doing this is to not do it physically at first. My third boyfriend did this trick. He didn't get physical right away. First he said that he wanted to be inside me. He wanted to touch me and kiss me and he was feeling horny for me. 

Try something like that. Drop a hint of feeling horny and sexual through language rather than touch. If she is turned on she is really attracted to you. 

And I don't get this whole creep thing. How can you be a creep when you both have shown liking for one another.

That’s the thing. Before physical escalation it could still be platonic liking in each other. Physical escalation tests what the true intentions are.

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Is she running a shit test on you to check if you're a fuck boy. Well then you can't do much if someone misinterprets your actions. That's bound to happen at any point. If someone knows you for who you are, you wouldn't need to provide endless justifications. 

What I sense is a lack of harmony, trust and communication 

It’s a lack of grounding in my social abilities. I would have a hard time recovering from a rejection because I would take it way to personally and would question my whole social understanding. I just need more experience in that specific area I guess.  

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

You can't sustain or even start a relationship being full of doubts. It doesn't go anywhere. 

Maybe this is just a random fling and you both haven't known each other for a long time. 

Do you remember the MDMA message thread I started. .. Yeah that story went on for some time ?.

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I personally stay away from such relationships where possibilities of suspicions can arise. They don't last long. It's always leads to people simply testing each other and results in a blunder.. 

Better stick with someone you're comfortable with 

Yeah that’s true. 
 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Jannes if it's the same person I sincerely and humbly suggest you stay away. 

You seem like a nice shy guy. 

Don't be afraid. A lot of women like sexual stuff when you get to know them unless she is some stuck-up type. 

Loosen up bro. 

 

[Jannes]

18 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Jannes if it's the same person I sincerely and humbly suggest you stay away. 
 

Yeah it is but in the turn of events it ended with me rejecting her. She broke my trust badly and I didn’t just forget about it like a sucker. 
I felt pretty bad about it for some days but maybe this ends up being a really good decision. Time will tell..

Quote

You seem like a nice shy guy. 

Don't be afraid. A lot of women like sexual stuff when you get to know them unless she is some stuck-up type. 

Loosen up bro. 

 

[mr_engineer]

5 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

And I don't get this whole creep thing. How can you be a creep when you both have shown liking for one another. Is she running a shit test on you to check if you're a fuck boy. Well then you can't do much if someone misinterprets your actions. That's bound to happen at any point. If someone knows you for who you are, you wouldn't need to provide endless justifications. 

You can't 'be' a creep. But you can be labelled as one by someone being nefarious with you. And the institutions hate men, of course. 'Toxic masculinity' and all that crap. The really scary thing is the victim-control dynamic that women can play if you pick wrong. 

5 hours ago, Jannes said:

But my physical escalation is especially terrible. I can’t be confident in something when I don’t know how to do it at all. And physical escalation isn’t a beginner friendly subject, you can transform from a normal dude to a creep in a second if you don’t know how to do it at all. 

If you suspect foul play on her part, go deeper into the reasons behind why you hooked. If you sense codependency on her part, run. Cuz she can get resentful and use that against you in the future. 

[Matt23]

Put your head on her head in return, hold her hand, put your arm around her... basically = reciprocate the snuggle and get more snuggly... then go from there.