Chronic Dissociation..

[SteveRogers]

I have been trying for years to figure out what's wrong with my head.  I am wayyy more often than not unable to concentrate, learn new things, recall facts and experiences, and generally can't use my brain quickly/spontaniously whatsoever.  

However I think I found out today what I have: CHRONIC 24/7 dissociation.

I noticed that when I deprive myself of sleep I get more motivated to do things, more happy, and able to learn (the learning is a big one). i know for a fact( i wasnt always this way) that learning shouldn't be something you have to focus insanely hard on to retain it in memory; I shouldn't have to repeat a definition of a word 100 times in order to retain it, or read a page in a book 5 times so I can understand what I just read. I also shouldn't wake up and forget everything I learned the day before. Sleep for me is like a reset button and it feels like I'm in an infinite brain fog that I can't get out of or learn things in.

I feel like I"m walking around in a fog my entire life and everything has to go through a 10 foot concrete wall to enter my head. there are few spurratic  and brief moments each day where the fact that ive been spacing out in an autopilot like state comes into my awareness.  It amazes me when I snap out of this fog that this is what life is supposed to be like, and I finally understand how people can invent things, go to work, etc. because the human mind is incredible when it's able to learn. I feel like a dog half the time... it's pathetic.

not to mention how discouraging it is for my trying to form a meditation habit.  it feels like so much of a chore to me because i have terrible focus which is pretty much essential to the practice.

the predominant sypmtom of it is my daydreaming, and generally living inside my head too much.  it is the biggest obsticle holding me back from growing myself b/c there is always negative talk in my mind reminding me of the monkey mind on steroids that i have, "youll have to meditate 3 times a hard as anyone elss". "just wait till u get meds" it says.   

So all day, every day, I am in this constant fog.....

anyone have a perspective or tips on this they could offer?  i always get frustrated thinking about how ill never be able to truly resonate w/the wisdom leo shares b/c ive only recently started to attempt to apply the practice after tuning in for a year and a half now, & feeling like im having to start from BELOW ground zero.

below rock bottom...  im already less aware then your average 'asleep' individual.  i have all this awareness and mindfullbess knowledge yet im a damn neurotic robot in my life.  i dont want to be a zen fox lol

anyone have some first steps they could reccomend for someone w/bad dissociation like me?  i cant remember my adolescent traumas infortunately.. idk if theres anything for me to dig up as far as that goes..

[Guest Annetta]

I might have some info that could help, but I'm only just now getting it all together so I can't personally attest to it's usefulness until I've tried it out and seen results.
Have you gotten checked out for anything that might be illness related?  Seen a doctor yet?

Brain fog/dissociative symptoms can be caused by a lot of different things: psychological trauma, brain trauma/cancer, low thyroid, food allergies, vitamin b deficiency, chronic fatigue syndrome, lupus, multiple sclerosis, major depression, anxiety, adhd, adrenal fatigue, dementia, alzheimers, huntington's, ect, ect.

[Gorlov]

I think seeing a proffesional would ofc be a good idea. But I also wonder if you're a very creative person? I sometimes have the same sort of dreaminess (though by the sounds of it nowhere near as problematic).

For us dreamy people, it could be a weakness or a strength. It means we can get caught up in negative thoughts - but, if we can clear up our headspace and make it a positive one, I find that in this dreaminess some really good ideas come to me. Just wondering if this could also be seen as an advantage in some way, if you're creative