A Term I Notice Gets Thrown Around Alot GASLIGHTING

[Razard86]

https://thepsychologygroup.com/gaslighting-how-to-recognize-it-and-what-to-say-when-it-happens/

Read this article and notice that the definition for this term is vague, and it accuses another of "making" you doubt your reality. Notice the sneakiness involved in this term. Here is a kicker for you....and it will blow your mind. An OTHER has never gaslighted you EVER. The truth is YOU GASLIGHT YOU!!! Gaslighting is a term that EGOS love to use, to play the victim. If you ever accuse another of GASLIGHTING....in that moment YOU ARE GASLIGHTING YOU!!!

The irony!!! But you may say.....I don't believe you!! Right now I FEEL THAT YOUR STATEMENTS ARE ITSELF GASLIGHTING!!! Of course you do!!! Because anytime you become unsure you must BLAME AN OTHER for those FEELINGS!!! Gaslighting can be summed up in one small phrase "When through an interaction you feel that your feelings (emotional state) is not being validated (agreed with) which is basically what compassion is (emotional validation). 

So basically when someone is not in alignment with your SUBJECTIVE (SELFISH, BIASED) world view...you accuse them of GASLIGHTING YOU!!! I can deconstruct this on SO MANY LEVELS!!! SO I WILL BECAUSE ITS FUN!!! The Intellectual Level: We interpret things from our selfish desires. So let's say a man wants to save money but his female partner wants him to spend more money. If she is able to dangle the potential for sex to get him to spend money and then denies him sex later on he will accuse her of GASLIGHTING HIM when she not only turns him down but says its his fault that he spent the money and not her. 

Why does he accuse her of GASLIGHTING? Because he doesn't want to own the fact that he only violated his desire to save money, because he wanted sex and he is only mad because he didn't get what he wanted. Now did she GASLIGHT HIM? YES!!! But guess what? He also is GASLIGHTING HIMSELF!! He is acting like he isn't playing the same game she is, which is trying to get what he wants, he just got outplayed!! Now he might say....well I was trying to play a WIN/WIN game and she is trying to play a WIN/LOSE game!! Again that's just your selfishness. Who are you to tell someone HOW they should play the game of survival? Why should they trust that your perspective of WIN/WIN will fit THEIR perspective of WIN/WIN? How do you know that their perspective of WIN/WIN isn't WIN/LOSE? You might reply well that is just selfish....to which can be replied....so is your desire for them to agree with your POV. That too is selfish!!

Emotional Level: You have a hard day at work and want your husband to listen to you talk about your feelings. So he does. But then you want him to give his opinion on the matter and initially he resists. So you push him until he gives his honest opinion. But his honest opinion to you seems so cold, logical, and not warm and you desired a response that was more caring, nurturing and supportive so you accuse him of GASLIGHTING YOU. Did he gaslight you? If he gave his honest opinion...NO!!! In fact...him telling you what you WANT TO HEAR (which is compassion) IS GASLIGHTING YOU. How so? Because he would have to gaslight himself first (lie to himself about what he really wants to tell you) then present the "tell her what she wants to hear so she will stop nagging me" message that he knows will get her to be happy so he doesn't have to be bothered. But what you don't realize is when he does this.....he is GASLIGHTING YOU and HIMSELF!!! He is denying his own reality...to tell you what you want to hear, which means he is both gaslighting himself and you at he same time. But because this is a message you WANT to hear....you don't take it as GASLIGHTING you take it as confirmation that YOU ARE RIGHT!!! This is why echo chambers....are such easy traps to fall into. 

So what does this mean? The moment you assume an OTHER is GASLIGHTING YOU, THAT IS PROOF THAT YOU ARE GASLIGHTING YOU!!! The only one that has ever gaslight you...IS YOU!!! Gaslighting is the game of VICTIMHOOD!!! It will always allow you to NOT TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS, AND ACTIONS!!! It is a get of jail card to never take responsibility and to continue to be the GOOD PERSON and OTHERS ARE BAD. The irony is...the more you accuse others of gaslighting you....is actually evidence....of how often YOU GASLIGHT. What is gaslight? Just another word for SELF-DECEPTION!!!! As long you deny that YOU ARE SELFISH, and are just in a world where the game is selfishness then you will always GASLIGHTING yourself and others! There is only one gaslighter, one conspiracy, one devil, one trickster, and that ONE IS YOU!!! This identity game is a game of DENIAL!!! And you LOVE TO DENY!!! Its like the game of tag NOT IT!!! You are constantly tagging others and saying NOT IT!!! But who are you tagging? Everyone is you....you are ALWAYS IT!!!

Edited November 15, 2022 by Razard86

[Thought Art]

Don’t gaslight me bro. 
 

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own reality. Though your reality is accurate. It’s when someone manipulates you.
 

Like, when someone bullies you for years and then you confront them and they gaslight you, denying the bullying ever happened.

I find the post to be very murky, maybe a mixture of victim blaming with spiritual bypassing. 
 

I think when it comes to speaking about gaslighting there is the important distinctions between contexts, situations and what is the case. 
 

Sometimes someone is genuinely trying to gaslight you. You don’t need to be the victim, you can overcome it by being grounded in your own truth. 
 

Then, there are times when you accuse someone of gaslighting you, thereby gaslighting them. 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Thought Art

[Tyler Robinson]

I was gaslighted for months and months in my ex's relationship. It's very psychologically detrimental. I often see on this forum that people tend to have an authority over things that they haven't exactly experienced.

In order to fully understand something, experience it first and then speak on the subject. Would be wiser. 

What you're essentially doing right now is misleading, manipulating and gaslighting like the above user mentioned. 

 

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Don’t gaslight me bro. 
 

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own reality. Though your reality is accurate. It’s when someone manipulates you.
 

Like, when someone bullies you for years and then you confront them and they gaslight you, denying the bullying ever happened.

I find the post to be very murky, maybe a mixture of victim blaming with spiritual bypassing. 
 

I think when it comes to speaking about gaslighting there is the important distinctions between contexts, situations and what is the case. 
 

Sometimes someone is genuinely trying to gaslight you. You don’t need to be the victim, you can overcome it by being grounded in your own truth. 
 

Then, there are times when you accuse someone of gaslighting you, thereby gaslighting them. 

Seems you are still playing the game of denial. I understand it's a very fun game. Your reply is actually a wonderful example of what I just described so great job!! Keep it up!!

 

Also here is a fun fact: This thread was written in general. Notice how your ego co-opts this message, takes it personally and makes it about them. Now why did that happen? Because it triggered you. So whenever you get triggered you BLAME that which triggers you.

So Notice you said I Gaslighted you as if this was some personal message directed at you. Notice how selfish and self-centered that is. Is that not a narcissistic trait? You turned a general message directed at nobody and crafted a story that it was a personal act directed at you.

 

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Razard86

[Tyler Robinson]

@Razard86 it's best if you learn what gaslighting is because either you could unintentionally or subconsciously subject someone to it or you could be put through it by someone else. It's a very real phenomenon and it would be best to not play around with theories with no correlation to reality to back up your claims.

 

[Razard86]

12 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Razard86 it's best if you learn what gaslighting is because either you could unintentionally or subconsciously subject someone to it or you could be put through it by someone else. It's a very real phenomenon and it would be best to not play around with theories with no correlation to reality to back up your claims.

 

Gaslighting is an identity game. The belief in gaslighting is itself gaslighting. Anyone that believes in it, will be guilty of doing it. Those who defend its existence do so because they enjoy playing the victim and haphazardly throwing the term around. 

If you find yourself using this word, it's because you seek emotional validation from others. Requiring others to give you emotional validation when it means them being dishonest about their own emotions is itself asking the person to gaslight you.

You can only be gaslighted if you engage in it yourself. 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Razard86

[something_else]

38 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Seems you are still playing the game of denial. I understand it's a very fun game. Your reply is actually a wonderful example of what I just described so great job!! Keep it up!!

 

Also here is a fun fact: This thread was written in general. Notice how your ego co-opts this message, takes it personally and makes it about them. Now why did that happen? Because it triggered you. So whenever you get triggered you BLAME that which triggers you.

So Notice you said I Gaslighted you as if this was some personal message directed at you. Notice how selfish and self-centered that is. Is that not a narcissistic trait? You turned a general message directed at nobody and crafted a story that it was a personal act directed at you

Ironically this is pretty close to gaslighting

[Tyler Robinson]

15 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Gaslighting is an identity game. The belief in gaslighting is itself gaslighting. Anyone that believes in it, will be guilty of doing it. Those who defend its existence do so because they enjoy playing the victim and haphazardly throwing the term around. 

If you find yourself using this word, it's because you seek emotional validation from others. Requiring others to give you emotional validation when it means them being dishonest about their own emotions is itself asking the person to gaslight you.

You can only be gaslighted if you engage in it yourself. 

Nope. You have no idea mate. But nobody can change how you think. 

[NoSelfSelf]

This is all cool until you end up being with a narcissist that makes your whole mind turned into hell...

Its all cool now when you know there are narcissist there and that its all your problem for letting their games affect you  but until then let God sneak you a narcissist and you will regret posting this gaslighting is serious abuse for those who are not having solid sense of self...

You dont know what narcissist can do...

If someone gaslighted you every day for a month you will start going insane basically if you didnt knew that its gaslighting...

Edited November 15, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Kshantivadin]

So. It's a good post. Thank you a lot for writing it.

There is definitely a victim part to feeling gaslighted. Because - in order for "someone" to "gaslight" "you" you have to give up power and responsibility. Also, the context from which the term originates will make this truth click.

On the other hand, once the victimhood is abolished and overcome, I find it an useful term to describe certain behaviours. @Razard86 Imagine someone telling you that you're unhinged, crazy or psychotic because of, for example, this post - and trying to fuck with your head. Imagine if this were someone you cared about, maybe your only confidant in the whole world. Then you believe them and sign yourself up to a nuthouse. In that case, you have been gaslit.

[Thought Art]

@Razard86 I didn’t really think you meant me personally. Seemed you were accusing the reader in general.

I also wasn’t triggered. But, I thought you were denying the gaslighting exists. Which, is false. It’s a real behaviour and people can get gaslit into denying their own truth ahah. it isn’t only a defence mechanism that people accuse another of gaslighting. Which can happen and is a form of gaslighting.

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Thought Art

[UnbornTao]

I prefer to ask questions relentlessly, both to myself and to others.

It's an effective strategy for revealing or clearing out one's motives and agenda, and open up possibilities for genuine dialogue and perhaps a shared contemplation, too.

Edited November 15, 2022 by UnbornTao

[Leo Gura]

It's a tricky phenomena. I have a video planned on it.

[NoSelfSelf]

@KH2 you love me so much that you follow my every post cute

[Consept]

Gaslighting is a thing, as in someone consciously trying to deceive someone and get them to question their reality but slightly altering it. But the truth is most people who are accused of it are not actually gaslighting, they might just be seeing something from their perspective. For example I might literally see someone's behavior as crazy from my perspective and call it out as such, they may accuse me of gaslighting them by trying to make them think they're crazy but that wouldn't be the intention. 

I feel like a lot of times now the term is thrown around almost as an emotional defense mechanism, to make someone feel like they've hurt you and it could be true from your perspective but it adds a bit punch than if you just said 'what you said hurt me'.

[integral]

@Tyler Robinson I’ve never experienced gaslighting, how do you explain that? I take nothing people they say personally so im immune to it. 

Edited November 15, 2022 by integral

[Tyler Robinson]

@integral I'll come back with a very long post. Give me time. 

 

[Breakingthewall]

no man, if someone is toxic and gaslights you, or humiliates you, or anything else toxic, it doesn't mean you're doing it to yourself (except in a metaphysical sense). Your only fault is be a fool if, when you have already identified the poison, you continue to allow the poisoning

Edited November 16, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[universe]

The example you give is not gaslighting to my understanding.

Gaslighting is when you drive in a car with your friend and then say you think the next turn is left but he says its right. Then later he tells you that you said right and he said left. (Example)

Knowing about gaslighting is what keeps you out of victimhood. Because you can be aware when someone is doing it.

A good move is then not to accuse them of doing it but to distance yourself from them as soon as possible.

 

There is a ceviat that comes with perception. Just because you perceive an event happening in one way doesn't mean that someone else does so as well. You can not know in what way exactly yout friend saw the event happening. To him it may played out differently. Or he might remembers it differently.

So give your friend some leeway but it should be quite clear when it's done on purpose.

Of course you are gaslighting yourself because you are Consciousness.

[Tyler Robinson]

@Tyler Robinson @integral

Long post coming. 

I suffered a ton of gaslighting that caused me to land in the hospital. It's an intense process of dehumanization. It was the major reason for my mental collapse from which I never fully recovered. And my mental health steadily declined from that point. Part of the problem is that many victims of gaslighting are just not aware of this term. Not everyone has an abundant knowledge of psychology. I didn't even know this term existed when it was happening to me. A year after the relationship I was reading articles online is when I first became aware of this term and then realized that what I had been through was gaslighting. 

If I have to give you an analogy on this, it would be like this — imagine you're planning a trip to the Caribbean. You contact a travel company. You go through an entire list of travel companies and trip organizers. You come across a trip organizers that have 5 star ratings. But you might not be aware of something called "fake testimonials" and paid reviews. Sometimes people are paid to give great reviews and a lot of people don't know that. So you see these wonderful 5 star reviews and you sign up to this trip organizer for a trip to the Caribbean and you pay them the expenses for the trip and they arrange the trip for you. Everything is booked, you arrive to the trip location and you see a flock of tourists there on the beach and you become friends with them. You ask them about their trip arrangements and they tell you all about the expenses etc. You realize that they spent, let's say $3000 on the trip meanwhile you had to spend thrice that amount. You realize that you were overcharged by your trip company. And this makes you really angry. You decide to sue them but it's too late since they have disappeared and you don't find any information on them. 

You feel like they fooled you and you feel helpless and unable to change what happened. You trusted them and they violated your trust. 

This is how gaslighting works. It's a violation of trust. Above is not a perfect example but somewhat close to it. 

Now imagine you're in a relationship. Generally gaslighting happens in scenarios where you deeply trust the other person. 

So you have a wife who tells you that there's something wrong with you. Everytime you fight, she tells you that it is your fault, meanwhile shifting blame off herself. Gaslighters generally take advantage of weak spots in a person. For example you might have a drinking problem. Your Gaslighter will use it against you. So during a fight, they will convince you that you made a mistake because you were drunk. They will tell you don't remember what you did because you were drunk. But you know deep inside that during the event you weren't drunk. But your Gaslighter has managed to make you feel like it's all your fault. You are confused and you are not sure. But you believe them because you trust them. This cycle keeps going on and on. You must trust them a lot and suffer from low self esteem or not a great sense of self combined with issues like hidden traumas, addictions, lack of support from families, physical weaknesses like illness, loneliness, brain issues can make it much easier to be gaslighted because your defense mechanisms are down and you don't feel strong enough to fight back. Such circumstances also make you trust more because you develop dependency very quickly. 

Gaslighting causes systematic abuse of the mental health of the person because you begin to believe that whatever they're saying might be true. Gradually your sense of self becomes more and more fragile until you feel like whatever you do is wrong. That you can never be right. This makes you mentally weak. And in the end you suffer several mental breakdowns because you begin to doubt your own sanity. You think that you will never be right or never be good enough at something and the other person keeps convincing you that you are always wrong. It leads to mental fragility if you're already sensitive and cause you temporary insanity. Which happened to me. I broke down and landed in the hospital. After which I realized that something was wrong. Systematic gaslighting can induce insanity and loss of self. It's a very dangerous state, can intensify suicidal instincts. My gaslighting went on for a full year and at the end I ended up in the hospital, I was vomiting with panic attacks, the stress caused my liver to burst and I was unable to think proper. It took me months to recover and I broke up with him. That time I was very naive and always trusting him. He took advantage of that and drove me insane. 

It starts with little things and then goes to extreme. He would start with little things where he would tell me that I was wrong. I had memory issues but it wasn't too bad back then. But he would take advantage of my memory issues. He would tell me that certain things never happened when they actually happened. Then he would blame it on my memory. He would tell me I'm crazy. 

Then I would check my message history and discover that the event had happened and that he was lying. He would lie and gaslight me whenever I confronted his lies. He would do this on purpose so that I would slowly get used to it. He was nice in the beginning, always kind and helpful. This is a strategy to gain trust. Once he won the trust, he began abusing it. Every time I felt a sense of doubt, he would dismiss it as a memory problem or my craziness. 

I was already having low self esteem so I turned to my mother who was supposed to help me but she added to it. She began telling me that I was having problems and that he was right. But I knew deep down that I wasn't wrong. My memory was bad so I would only remember partially and he was taking advantage of my doubts and uncertainties. 

I trusted him implicitly because he was my boyfriend. I wasn't aware of relationship abuse so I looked up to him as someone I could fully trust. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and my mother encouraged me to trust him. She would Shame and chastise me whenever I complained about him. She would tell me everything was my fault. But my gut was telling me that something was wrong. 

In the end he kept arguing with me in order to stress me out on purpose. After six months of arguments, I finally broke down and collapsed in the bathroom and was hospitalized. My liver was damaged from the stress of the gaslighting. I had become mentally unstable and fragile. I was already fragile to begin with. 

When I was discharged from the hospital and I came home, he told me that I was lying about the hospital. He told me that he wanted to speak to my mother. My mom confirmed to him that I was really in the hospital and I wasn't lying. Then he hung up. Following month when it was my birthday, he came to visit me and I asked him why he had given so much mental stress. He said that he did all that so I would find a better guy. 

I called bollocks on it. A guy would simply break up if that was the case. His strategy was to make me break up by systematically harassing me. Make me go, get rid of me. But he chose such a abusive way to get rid of me rather than simply breaking up. It's like if you want to make your wife disappear you make her go insane and then she commits suicide, boom, gone. He had planned that with me. I was shocked, I couldn't believe he would go to such lengths and this was all systematically planned and he knew all along that his behavior was hurting me. So I broke up with him. It took months to recover from his gaslighting. I learned to stand up against my mother, I learned and researched about gaslighting and I learned defense mechanisms where I would detect if something didn't feel right then place boundaries and stop it right there. The healing came much later. 

So after the end of the relationship, he stalked and blackmailed me. I told him that I would call the cops. He began gaslighting me again by making it sound like whatever I did was going to be pointless. 

I asked him why. He said that he had all our text messages saved. He would show those messages to the cops. And he told me that the cops won't believe me. He would convince the cops that we had a cordial relationship using those messages. 

I was fed up because I genuinely didn't want to engage the cops. 

So one day out of the blue I told him to come meet me in a park. I also told him that I was going to have a gun in my hand and that I would blow his head off if he was standing in front of me. That was my only way to stop his blackmailing and stalking. 

After that day, his stalking finally stopped. 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson