BURNOUT... can Psychedelic Help me ?

[BlurryBoi]

I'm 20yo, and actually going through a burnout (years of chronic stress/exhaustion/tension burnt down my body's ressources)

It stems mainly from Expectations/Ambitions, and a self-deprivation/restriction of Rest/Play (workaholism)

 

I resist surrendering/letting go sooo much, bc i don't feel safe at all in the hands of the universe.

Im considering taking a psychedelic (like mushroom) bc of that, to help me let go and help change my paradigm (i'm 95% Destination-oriented, but i need to become at least 60% Journey-oriented or else i'll keep destroying my health).

 

Considering my situation, would it help ? (or would it sink my "raft of sanity", resulting in some kind of fearful/mad breakdown experience bc i'm not in the right state)

What kind would be most helpful here ?

 

 

 

My situation :

 

  I cannot "just stop" bc im deeply scared of not working, bc i feel that my survival&potential are in actual danger, and that im already not safe at this rythm so if i slow down even more im way more likely to fail (failure in term of survival & destroyed potential).
"Slowing down is not an option."

(I know thats an irrational belief, but its deeply carved in my subconscious)

 

  I'm quite stable/healthy/able/skillful as a person, but i have some serious mental-health/shadow issues.

My main neuroticism are : 
• Social Isolation/Alienation for >8 years 
• Strooong sense of Unsafety (survival&existential, "i can't trust the universe, if i loose control or surrender i'll be vulnerable/hurt/sick/...")
• Pessimism & Depressive tendency
• A lot of Frustration/Internalized-Hate (like i'm unconsciously suppressing an ongoing explosion) 
• Since my childhood, every couple of months, i experience ~30min of very mild psychosis symptoms (it's not hindering me at all, but i notice it and find it kinda conscerning)

 

  Also i've been meditating ~40min consistently for a year.

 

 

 

Whoever took the energy/attention to read my post, i want to thank you for your generosity and help ??

Edited November 14, 2022 by BlurryBoi

[Mz Hyde]

@BlurryBoi I think that, with respect to all you've said above, it would be way smarter for you to go for psychotherapy than psychedelics.

If you can't afford it yourself, you can get free psychotherapy here: https://youarerad.org/

Either way.. just take care ?

Edited November 14, 2022 by Mz Hyde

[BlurryBoi]

@Mz Hyde thank you Hyde, i did quite a lot of psychotherapy in the past years, what worked most was mostly philosophy (determinism, stoicism...) and some shadow-work, but now i feel like i've come to a point where more 'action' is kinda problematic.

I feel that i need something outside of the mental-paradygm, outside the action-paradygm. A 'meta-solution' for some sort of meta-problem ?

[Mz Hyde]

@BlurryBoi Tbh I didn't quite understand.. What do you mean by 'action' and by 'meta'?

[BlurryBoi]

@Mz Hyde i think a big part of my problem is :

wanting so bad to fix "the problem", wanting so bad to work on it that i cannot "stop" or be satified until its perfectly fixed (wich is a foolish expectation)

Its like, i'm trying to have my life fixed and not settling for anything less in a neurotic manner (so i'm destroying myself in the process of achieving a toxic fantasy) 

 

But even tho i understand this logically, it's not enough at all, my emotional-self just wont integrate it (behaviour change)

 

 

 

[vladorion]

You have to be willing to be with whatever psychedelics bring up and not distract yourself. Otherwise you won't get much benefit.

If you're gonna do it, start with very small doses.

[BlurryBoi]

@vladorion i will, thanks vladorion

[Mz Hyde]

7 hours ago, BlurryBoi said:

@Mz Hyde i think a big part of my problem is :

wanting so bad to fix "the problem", wanting so bad to work on it that i cannot "stop" or be satified until its perfectly fixed (wich is a foolish expectation)

Its like, i'm trying to have my life fixed and not settling for anything less in a neurotic manner (so i'm destroying myself in the process of achieving a toxic fantasy) 

But even tho i understand this logically, it's not enough at all, my emotional-self just wont integrate it (behaviour change)

You can't expect anything to change while repeatedly doing everything the same. Real change is achieved by doing something you've never done before. Maybe something counterintuitive. You need to face the thing head on. Like @vladorion said, even with psychedelics you'll have to be willing to do that. Psychedelics are not some magic pill. In my personal opinion, you don't need them for this. They could even make things worse by overwhelming you with too much stuff that you are just not ready to face yet. Instead, think about the ways to challenge yourself. Then you'll be able to negotiate with yourself about what feels right and what doesn't, what's okay and what's too much.

[NoSelfSelf]

Nah, if you are so attached to control, psychadelics will make you s## your pants,it robs you of control its not pleasent if you cant even let go for a minute in normal state...

Trying to control the trip is bad trip automatically..

Edited November 15, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[BlurryBoi]

13 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

 They could even make things worse by overwhelming you with too much stuff that you are just not ready to face yet.

@NoSelfSelf So there's no type of psychedelic (or way to take them, like microdosing i guess) that would help a "rigid-ego" detach/surrender/letgo of control ?

[NoSelfSelf]

@BlurryBoi all of them help with that, but your ego is not prepared for that,so you will most likely have a bad trip if you trying to control it, you will have to surrender...i cant tell if you can do that or not...

Edited November 16, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[BlurryBoi]

@NoSelfSelf hmm.. i guess in my situation it would be about timing then (there're times when i feel so exhausted/besiege that for a short time i'm ready to let go completely. Or sometimes while meditating i have a short window for letting go, maybe if i respectfully take a psychedelic at this kind of moment it would be great)

[NoSelfSelf]

@BlurryBoi that could work start small tho

[Barbara]

Hello, 

 

On 14/11/2022 at 7:04 PM, BlurryBoi said:

I cannot "just stop" bc im deeply scared of not working

That's exactly what you should do. Stop working. Your brain doesn't know anymore what's not being in constant stress and anxiety, fearing all the ifs. I was in your shoes, deeply scared of stopping working, so I understand. But that's what you have to do. Consider it a strategic withdrawal. There's no place you have to go to, no goal more important than your well-being. If you're not well right now, you won't be able to grab any opportunity, so start there. Get better. Wish you well

[OBEler]

@BlurryBoi psychedelics ca help with your issue. but be careful of dosing. small steps!

start with light psychedelics like mushrooms, allad or lsd (75 micro)

[BlurryBoi]

@Barbara thank you 

 

On 2022-11-16 at 1:10 PM, Barbara said:

Consider it a strategic withdrawal. There's no place you have to go to, no goal more important than your well-being. If you're not well right now, you won't be able to grab any opportunity

I understand it logically, it makes complete sense, and i want to embody this in my way of living. But there's a big part of me that doesn't, like deeply rooted subconscious-beliefs. 

Did you just "forced" this behaviour change until it became an "automatic" way of living ? Or did you have to go deeply within (or outside) yourself to change your "scared of not working" belief/paradigm ?

[BlurryBoi]

@OBEler alright, i'll research those

thanks

[Barbara]

6 hours ago, BlurryBoi said:

like deeply rooted subconscious-beliefs

such as? really try to identify those. get a notebook and write what comes to your mind regarding that topic. And what happens if you don't work? what's the worse scenario on your mind? 

I stopped, for 2 months, facing the fear, but had a lot of support from family, friends, and psychotherapy couldn't have done without it. Then slowly started again, learning how to create healthy & sustainable productivity, and watched out for the high-performance peaks that steamed from stress and anxiety. I try not to feed that now. Once you stop, you'll take your own lessons. No point in telling you mine, especially not knowing that much about your situation

 

[Raptorsin7]

@BlurryBoi Can you do a vipassana retreat or some kind of retreat where you can take time to rest and heal?

[Yarco]

I don't think psychedelics would be a good fit for someone experiencing burnout. They're a lot of work and will take even more out of you.

It would be the equivalent of running a marathon to try and recover from burnout, instead of going on vacation to rest and relax.