I've hit a wall with shrooms+nitrous. Not sure where to go

[kamwalker]

So the last few times I've done shrooms+nos I have experienced the same thing. Even on small doses of shrooms and nos. It happens EVERY TIME if I give it enough time. 

I essentially get to a point where I become conscious of being this infinite singularity repeating itself forever

I don't need to say anything else. That's all it is. It's absolutely horrifying. The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing I will come back to my finite form

I don't know how many people here can understand this, but if you do. Where do I go from here? Because my current solution is to stop doing this drug combination forever. I am not experiencing the infinite love that everyone talks about. I'm experiencing a lot of fear. I am horribly afraid of what that thing is and what it means for my ego. Am I going insane? Or do I need to just embrace whatever the fuck that is? 

Edited November 14, 2022 by kamwalker

[Phil King]

Nitrous is not good for your long term health. Its extremely damaging to your brain and lungs. Dont combine psychedelics. Maybe just do shrooms by themselves or move to something more powerful like LSD or DMT

[kamwalker]

3 minutes ago, Phil King said:

Nitrous is not good for your long term health. Its extremely damaging to your brain and lungs. Dont combine psychedelics. Maybe just do shrooms by themselves or move to something more powerful like LSD or DMT

Yeah I'm well aware of the negatives of nitrous. But I'm more interested if there is anyone here who can relate to the experiences I've had 

[King Merk]

MORE SURRENDER YOUNG PADAWAN

[Breakingthewall]

 

yes i know that quite well. with 5 meo many times. I disappear and reality is a singularity stuck in eternity, infinite, without escape, from...nothing. death. total horror with no escape. I'd say it's one of the worst experiences possible. for me the solution to that was one time in which I vape 5 meo, that happened, and when I came back from there I thought: it can't be, I am and I'm not that, I put in the pipe I don't know how much, but a lot, and I vape thinking: maybe this will kill me, well, ok. I returned to the horrible singularity, but this time the void opened. it was the same emptiness, the same singularity, only it contained the totality of existence. I was that. I am that! it is unimaginable, no idea can come close, no adjective. So what you have to do is face that horror again and again, until you get used to it

 

[kamwalker]

6 hours ago, King Merk said:

MORE SURRENDER YOUNG PADAWAN

I think I'm done for now lol 

4 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

 

yes i know that quite well. with 5 meo many times. I disappear and reality is a singularity stuck in eternity, infinite, without escape, from...nothing. death. total horror with no escape. I'd say it's one of the worst experiences possible. for me the solution to that was one time in which I vape 5 meo, that happened, and when I came back from there I thought: it can't be, I am and I'm not that, I put in the pipe I don't know how much, but a lot, and I vape thinking: maybe this will kill me, well, ok. I returned to the horrible singularity, but this time the void opened. it was the same emptiness, the same singularity, only it contained the totality of existence. I was that. I am that! it is unimaginable, no idea can come close, no adjective. So what you have to do is face that horror again and again, until you get used to it

 

Thank you. That sounds very similar to what I felt. It's like I will be sitting there doing the nitrous and then I will gradually do more until I keep shrinking reality more and more and then I'm like "wait why am I doing more? what feeling am I searching for? Ohhhhhh now I remember....Oh FUCK I did it again". This is where the fear becomes too much and then I have to stop. But you're right in that there is something telling me this is exactly where I'm supposed to push past the fear. I will say the more I do it the less scary it becomes. But I don't think I have any desire to go back there for a very long time. My grip will reality feels unstable afterwards and I'm too attached to my current life to keep this going. 

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, kamwalker said:

I will say the more I do it the less scary it becomes.

Exactly. For me this is the last barrier. If you want to open the void, first you have to face the horror of the total absence . The infinite no thing. I have more or less become familiar with it, but that does not mean that I want to have that experience again. Lately I have snorted 5 meo, so things happen slowly, but there is a moment when there is nothing and reality turns towards that. I think it means that if you want to open up to the truth you have to die first and not want to escape from it. The good thing is that I know that this is not the bottom of reality, that way it is more tolerable.

 

 

[kamwalker]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

Exactly. For me this is the last barrier. If you want to open the void, first you have to face the horror of the total absence . The infinite no thing. I have more or less become familiar with it, but that does not mean that I want to have that experience again. Lately I have snorted 5 meo, so things happen slowly, but there is a moment when there is nothing and reality turns towards that. I think it means that if you want to open up to the truth you have to die first and not want to escape from it. The good thing is that I know that this is not the bottom of reality, that way it is more tolerable.

 

 

Yeah if that was the full truth of reality I think I would lose my shit. Problem is I’m too afraid to push past that at this point in my life, but it’s where I keep ending up when I trip now. Maybe a 5-Meo dose in the distant future is the next step…

[vladorion]

I think trying to brute force your ego into submission doesn't work.

Even if you temporarily manage to do it with psychedelics it'll come back, often times stronger than before the trip (trying to overcompensate for what happened).

[Flowerfaeiry]

My guess is the reason you’re “hitting a wall” is because of the nitrous. I feel like an idiot when I do that stuff. Regardless of the effects it has with psychedelics I think it’s numbing. 
 

Try integrating what you’ve learned before diving into higher doses of shrooms without the nitrous.

Edited November 15, 2022 by Flowerfaeiry

[kamwalker]

8 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

My guess is the reason you’re “hitting a wall” is because of the nitrous. I feel like an idiot when I do that stuff. Regardless of the effects it has with psychedelics I think it’s numbing. 
 

Try integrating what you’ve learned before diving into higher doses of shrooms without the nitrous.

Yeah it served me well for many years, but I don't plan on doing it ever again

[Breakingthewall]

19 hours ago, kamwalker said:

Problem is I’m too afraid to push past that at this point in my life, but it’s where I keep ending up when I trip now. Maybe a 5-Meo dose in the distant future is the next step…

That's exactly that i thought when it happened to me , I thought: this is what I had to see now, I must accept it and not force things. Maybe in the future i can go further. After a moment I thought: I am me and I force the things. and I put an unmeasured spoonful into the pipe with trembling hands due the previous drag, and said, kill me or show me the truth, and I took the maximum drag

Edited November 15, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Ry4n]

Time for ketamine with mushrooms lmao; welcome to inner peace. 

[Cathal]

@kamwalker If you are to rely on drugs for the path of realizing the Self then you are enslaving yourself to having to endlessly take an exogenous compound to experience said experience with the Self and to escape the suffering of your day to day self.

It is no error that the various systematic approaches of more sophisticated forms of spirituality not only have no inclination of using psychedelics but would undergo a precept to refrain from depending on anything for what can be achieved through meditation because it is just a huge hindrance to our potential for growth.

It is a big insight and a massive eye opener for people in the western world because of how overly identified we are with our self-interpreter/ego and that perceptual shift can really blow your fucking mind, but as Alan Watts said once in some god knows old lecture "once you get the message, hangup the phone"

As in pursue a path that is rooted in the reality of here and now towards the realization and not the temporary experience

[Pudgey]

@kamwalker I HIGHLY recommend that you take a break and contemplate your fears. Fears is a blockage and you won't go any further with being afraid. Then you have to ask yourself if it's worth going beyond. If yes, start tackling those fears. Otherwise, you can experiment with those psychedelics. Ayahuasca is a great alternative. 

@catcat69123 Crossing your legs with your eye closed with a Buddhist dress on is worse than psychedelics. I would never depend on my ass going numb, waiting 10 years and climbing on a mountain just to experience 0.0000000000000001% of a psychedelics trip. Get real.