Building A Self-esteem Coliseum

[Bruno]

You know that awful feeling when you want to say something but you just can't get yourself to say it ? or when you end up sacrificing your own opinions and thoughts for the approval of others ? or when you are afraid to do something even when everyone else thinks you can ? I would describe them as distressful.

And I couldn't understand why this kept happening.

On my journey to find out I got in contact with a lot of concepts and ideas, but none of them worked. Getting a quick fix like improving my skills with girls or socially never worked, and I wanted to understand and solve the root cause of the problem.

And then I found out about the work of Nathaniel Branden on Self-Esteem. I loved the concept and bought the book. While I was reading it, on the chapter "the face of self esteem" it seemed like he was describing me when he talked about the behaviors of low self esteem individuals.

Applying the ideas of the book into my life is the only thing that really has been making some big improvements in my life

So, I'm making a commitment here, to integrate every single one of the pillars into my life !

Starting with The Practice of Living Consciously...

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Bruno Sousa said:

You know that awful feeling when you want to say something but you just can't get yourself to say it ? or when you end up sacrificing your own opinions and thoughts for the approval of others ? or when you are afraid to do something even when everyone else thinks you can ? I would describe them as distressful.

So, I'm making a commitment here, to integrate every single one of the pillars into my life !
... Starting with The Practice of Living Consciously...

Great that you have made a decision!  Sounds like you found the right book for your immediate needs.

A few observations on your opening paragraph that might provide you with another way of looking at things:

1. "... when you want to say something ..." : Sometimes it works out that it is better when you say nothing
                                                                          and still your confidence and self-esteem remains intact.

2. "... for the approval of others ...":  Yes, improved self-esteem will elevate you above the need for
                                                              approval of others. However, sometimes exposing your own opinion
                                                              and thoughts in front of others may not be the wises thing to do.
                                                              It would help to first find out if the opinions and thoughts
                                                              that you have are somewhat in line with the expectations of others
                                                              or if you must present them for good reason then perhaps learn how
                                                              to give those opinions and thoughts as possible suggestions for the
                                                              consideration of others (not expecting gratitude in return - or
                                                              you might be surprised to get some).  Communication is a skill you
                                                              can develop.

3. " ... or when you are afraid to do something ...": Some times the fear is a natural gut instinct that tells you it is
                                                                                     not right to do a certain thing, and sometimes it is your
                                                                                     experience that you do not feel adequate, or could hurt
                                                                                     yourself in trying to do that thing.   In such cases the
                                                                                     self-esteem factor revolves around your courage to be able
                                                                                     to properly communicate your concerns to others.  And, if
                                                                                    they are too juvenile-minded to understand, then have no
                                                                                    concern for the matter. Your stalwart confidence will
                                                                                     communicate itself as it grows to be part of your identity.

If the suggestions don't make sense right now, OK, as long as you are happy with what you are doing.

Please note that when we speak of things such as self-esteem we are talking of the phenomenal world of experience only.  That is the world of your experiences and beliefs, which by the way give rise to the nature of most of your experiences.  As you move up the pyramid of needs and learn more about who you are and how to live a balanced life, you can proceed on to self-actualization and Master the self, which is real beginning of thoroughly enjoying life without undue fears, and mental limitations.

joy

 

 

Edited February 13, 2016 by walt

[Bruno]

@Guest Thanks for the wise words my friend !

On 13/02/2016 at 10:01 PM, Guest said:

                                                                                     sometimes it is your
                                                                                     experience that you do not feel adequate, or could hurt
                                                                                     yourself in trying to do that thing.   In such cases the
                                                                                     self-esteem factor revolves around your courage to be able
                                                                                     to properly communicate your concerns to others.

Absolutely agreed.

Self esteem is not about not having fear, it's about having fear but still acting upon it, and that's the frustrating part for me, sometimes I'm not able to act, like something were holding me back, and sometimes I am sure (on a conscious level) that this is the right act to take, but still can't do it.

But the thing for me is, I already got some good results from working a little bit with this concept  and that's why I'm so optimistic about this.

On 13/02/2016 at 10:01 PM, Guest said:

Yes, improved self-esteem will elevate you above the need for
                                                              approval of others. However, sometimes exposing your own opinion
                                                              and thoughts in front of others may not be the wises thing to do.
                                                              It would help to first find out if the opinions and thoughts
                                                              that you have are somewhat in line with the expectations of others
                                                              or if you must present them for good reason then perhaps learn how
                                                              to give those opinions and thoughts as possible suggestions for the
                                                              consideration of others (not expecting gratitude in return - or
                                                              you might be surprised to get some).  Communication is a skill you
                                                              can develop.

From my experiences between fluctuations from high and low self-esteem,I feel like there is a slight difference on the feeling of an act that comes from a place of high self-esteem and a place of low self-esteem, and with high-self esteem, it doesn't matter if others aprove your thoughts or opinions when you show them, because the act of doing it is already a reward, different from low self-esteem acts, that desperately crave the approval of others.

 

[Bruno]

Good Morning everyone

So, my routines look like this :

 

AM     Sentence Completion Exercises

           Meditation

PM     Sentence Completion Exercises (Bookend)

           Gratitude Practice

 

I wanna keep it simple but super consistent !

 

The sentence completion exercises are some I made following the model of Nathaniel Branden, in case you are curious :

• Living Consciously to me means...
• If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my feelings and impulses today...
• If I bring 5 percent more awareness to the quality of my thoughts today...
• If I bring 5 percent more awareness to the fluctuations of my self esteem levels through the day...

and then on the bookend :

• Reflecting on my day, I can see that when I live more consciously...

 

I've been following this routine for two days and I'm probably going to change the exercises in one week, until now I am seeing the current results :

• I can notice more often when I enter thought patterns that are not beneficial
• I can notice the activities that makes my self-esteem go up and the ones that make it goes down

 

That's all,

Good day people !