My Experience Of The Unitive Stage Of Ego-Development

[Adam M]

Hey guys,

I wanted to make this post as a sort of tribute to the beauty of life.

I'd like to share how my life experience is fundamentally changing as I feel my center-of-gravity slowly shifting towards becoming more Unitive in pretty much every aspect of my life.

I hope that this is inspiring for those who are striving to reach this stage… and relatable for those who have already gotten tastes of it.

About me:

I'm a 22 year-old guy who is a full-time life coach and YouTuber. I've been fully into self-actualization since I was 16 years old. Leo's videos really served as the catalyst for helping me orient my life in the direction of self-actualization and 'becoming a sage.'

I have about 6 years' experience doing meditation and I've been on many retreats with awesome teachers who have really helped me to grow.

I've also integrated a 'fuck-ton' of personal development, spirituality, science, new age, psychology, philosophy, information… mainly by reading 100s of books (many awesome ones from Leo's list) and listening to podcasts, lectures, and online courses.

I've probably spent over $25 000+ on my personal development. And have gone through many self-transformations.

I also think that I am a little bit more spiritually and intellectually gifted than the average person. I was recognized as a gifted child when I was 10 years old for scoring 99.6% on some kind of IQ test.

I do believe that my intelligence comes from a higher than average ability to quickly recognize patterns (which helps me to understand things rapidly).

Through the difficult task of starting my own YouTube channel and coaching business. I feel like I was able to really learn a lot about myself and life in general by overcoming many of the emotional challenges that come along with that.  While also helping me to solve most of my deficiency-needs… giving me more financial and emotional security to grow even more.

Also, working in a career that is in alignment with my Life Purpose (because I created it for myself) makes my personal growth even easier.

*Disclaimer*

I'd just like to say that I'm not claiming to be an enlightened master that has reached the top of the mountain.

I do spend most of my days in the Strategist and Construct-Aware stages of development.

However, recently I've been experiencing huge shifts in my personal values, thought-patterns, and motivations that I can clearly recognize as being the emergence of the Unitive Stage.

This has not arisen as the result of using psychedelics. I have not been feeling very called to use psychedelics because I am currently in a 'building-phase' of my business and I feel like psychedelics would de-stabilize me.

Although, I do meditate quite a bit.

 

Descriptions of the Unitive Stage from my experience:

 

- A profound sense of non-neediness.

• An abiding feeling of emotional stability and groundedness in my relationships, social interactions, and coaching calls (with current and prospective clients)
• I feel like I don't 'need to act in a certain way' in order to get the specific result that I want.
• This makes me feel very calm and relaxed even in situations where I used to be very afraid (like doing sales calls, making sales videos, or talking to girls)
• A lack of fear and self-judgement when expressing myself

- Improved ability to calibrate myself in social situations.

• Way more authentic expression and effortless humor
• More awareness of how other people are feeling
• Still working on this… I have some girlfriends that are WAY more socially calibrated than I am.

- Trusting myself

• Trusting that I will know what to say in social situations
• Trusting that I will know what to say in my YouTube videos
• Allowing myself to be spontaneous (because that's when I'm at my best)
• Trusting my body to know how to stretch
• Trusting my body to know how to work out and for how long

- Reduced desire to read books for knowledge

• This is an interesting one that I'm still a bit shocked about… there are still many books that I'd like to read… but reading is becoming more of a pleasure activity than an information-gathering activity.
• For example, I used to read books that I thought that I 'should' be reading… but now I only read what is intuitively calling me based on what I'm actually interested in… (so recently, I've actually been reading the Harry Potter series which I've been enjoying greatly).
• Going to the bookstore… I used to be overwhelmed by HOW MUCH information there is that I don't know… but now I'm starting to realize that about 80% of the books in the store are written by stages green and yellow and I'm already familiar with all of the main principles that they share. It's been getting harder and harder for me to find books that I actually feel are worth my time. (although I always love reading my spiritual-poetry books)

- Consulting my intuition for pretty much everything

• Before eating food, drinking water, picking up a book, clicking on a YouTube video, picking a song, etc. I always 'vibe it out' with my body to see what resonates and what doesn't.
• Things that 'feel good' in my heart are things that I pursue… whereas things that don't feel good are things that I avoid.

- More effortless balance of effort and surrender… work and rest… middle way is seen to be a fluctuating and evolving balance that can only be followed via sensitivity to the needs and demands of each passing moment.

- Increased acceptance of people in the earlier stages.

• Even stage green isn't bothering me as much!
• I feel like I can relate more to Orange and Green because I'm no longer annoyed by their 'lack of development.' (still working on this)

- Reduced need to "help other people grow."

• Accepting that everyone is exactly where they need to be on their path
• Only offering advice if it is asked for… never trying to impose 'what I think will help'
• Seeking first to understand, then to be understood.
• Realizing that no amount of 'taking action' will work if I am acting from a place of fear, lack, and neediness.

- Synchronicities in my experience

• Getting 'messages from the universe' on a daily basis so frequently that it's not even a surprise for me anymore… it's totally natural.
• Like for example, the other day I was having an argument with my girlfriend and I felt like my boundaries were being disrespected… so I went for a walk around the block to gather my thoughts and cool-off a bit… yet I still felt really angry… so as I was walking back into my house, and I saw my girlfriend waiting for me in my garage…  then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the words "GET LOUD" written on a newspaper article that was sitting at the front of my driveway… so I took that as permission to be expressive about how I was feeling. It turned out to be the right decision, because I allowed myself to "get loud"… it actually helped my girlfriend to realize what the problem was and it helped us to come to a solution. I don't think she would have realized it if I tried to "play it cool."
• Today I was trying to change my billing information on Google Workspace as I just got a new debit card… but my homepage on Google said "LET IT BE." I didn't know what that meant so I proceeded to change the billing info and found that it wasn't working. After a few tries I decided to contact support… which turned out to be a waste of my time… after a few tries I gave up… only to realize that my bank as undergoing maintenance and that it will probably work if I try again later… "LET IT BE"

- Appreciation of patterns in nature as patterns of my own consciousness

• Today I was at the park and I saw this really beautiful red pine tree. It's needles were so abundant. Spontaneously I realized that the tree isn't growing out of the ground… but it's actually growing out of my consciousness. The abundance of the pine needles is just an expression of the abundance of my own Infinite Consciousness. (and this realization wasn't a conceptual one… it was actual)
• The clouds turned into waffles
• JK no they didn't

- Feeling more confident and sure of myself and my ideas.

- Upgrading my teaching-style to be more about 'embodiment' as opposed to 'idea-based.'

• I notice that even in social situations people are telling me that I have a palpable energy-field… like they can feel a lot of positive vibes coming off of me… even though I'm not at all 'trying to be a certain way.' In fact, I think that my energy field is so abundant precisely because I'm not 'trying to be a certain way.'
• And it's not like the way I talk is all flowers and rainbows… I personally enjoy playfully teasing and bantering with people… I'm authentically a pretty edgy person… I've always enjoyed pushing the boundaries of what is considered 'socially acceptable.' So I let myself express naturally however I want to… according the energy of the circumstances/situation.

- More original ideas… no longer relying on other humans to 'think for me.' Intellectual independence.

- Reduced fascination with building conceptual models of reality.

- Increased trust and faith that "everything is working out best-case scenario"

 

In conclusion:

I still feel like I am at the very beginning of this journey. It feels almost like Unitive is where life begins... I feel like I waded through all of the human bullshit and delusion... only to realize that now I am a newborn baby... with still so much to learn.

Here's a Zen quote from Huang Po because I like Zen quotes by Huang Po.

Q: What is the Way and how must it be followed?
A: What sort of thing do you suppose the Way to be, that you should wish to follow it?
Q: What instructions have the Masters everywhere given for dhyana-practice and the study of Dharma?
A: Words used to attract the dull of wit are not to be relied on.
Q: If those teachings were meant for the dull-witted, I have yet to hear what Dharma has been taught to those of really high capacity.
A: If they are really men of high capacity, where could they find people to follow? If they seek from within themselves, they will find nothing tangible; how much less can they find a Dharma worthy of their attention elsewhere! Do not look to what is called the Dharma by preachers, for what sort of Dharma could that be?

 

[Tyler Robinson]

3 minutes ago, Adam M said:

I've probably spent over $25 000+ on my personal development. And have gone through many self-transformations.

Can you describe these transformations objectively in bullet point format? Thanks. 

 

[Adam M]

11 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Can you describe these transformations objectively in bullet point format? Thanks. 

 

Not really... sorry.

[Majed]

@Adam M Great for you! I’m also 19 years old (very young) and am at the strategist stage of development, although i consider myself quite spiritually gifted compared to most people. Btw a certain peace emanated from your message, it feels like you’re really fulfilling your self and life. Anyways just a little question out of curiosity, do you live un the us or in another country, if so which one precisely ? Thanks in advance future/young mystic  

[Raphael]

@Adam M Let me know about your stage when you'll be 50 

[Leo Gura]

@Adam M Very nice. Good work.

[Anon212]

Shit bro, I'm 22 and your story is almost parallel to mine. Congrats!

[julienw]

@Adam M That's awesome man! Sounds like things are going really well. Keep up the good work and namaste. I'm almost 28 and still feel like I'm sorting through a whole lot of mental sludge, bad habits, emotional reactivity and lack of control thereof, so it's impressive to hear such great progress at a young age.

[Artsu]

OP is upper Green/Autonomous stage.

Having SOME experience with Turquoise/Unitive doesn't mean that's your actual stage.

[thisintegrated]

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

been on many retreats

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

I was recognized as a gifted child when I was 10 years old for scoring 99.6% on some kind of IQ test.

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

gone through many self-transformations

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

I've probably spent over $25 000+ on my personal development

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

I do believe that my intelligence comes from a higher than average

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

I have some girlfriends that are WAY more socially calibrated than I am.

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

I've also integrated a 'fuck-ton'

Uhm.. who are you trying to convince of your "success" here exactly?  The main thing that stands out from your post is not your "achievements", but your value system, and a desire to integrate that which you identify as progressive.

 

Integrated = back of the mind.  Integrated insights aren't individual things, they make up the boring/old/familiar you, and don't excite the intellect.

Intellect = front of the mind.  Exciting/unintegrated ideas.

The ego is uninterested in what's already integrated.  Only in what might be in the future.  Just something for you to consider

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Descriptions of the Unitive Stage from my experience:

I'll just quickly go over what each point means by itself (I don't see much use in the 12 stage model, so here's SD):

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

More original ideas… no longer relying on other humans to 'think for me.' Intellectual independence

That just sounds like what most ExFJs go through as they mature.  You're most likely an ENFJ.  They have inferior Ti4, and its development is what marks the transition to Orange/Green/Yellow for most ENFJs.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Appreciation of patterns in nature as patterns of my own consciousness

Green/Yellow/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Trusting myself

Red/Orange.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Increased trust and faith that "everything is working out best-case scenario"

Green/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Reduced fascination with building conceptual models of reality.

Green/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

A profound sense of non-neediness

Blue/Green/Turquoise.

Not entirely applicable to SD.  Most Blue grannies feel like this.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Improved ability to calibrate myself in social situations.

Green.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Reduced desire to read books for knowledge

Green/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Increased acceptance of people in the earlier stages

Green/Yellow/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Synchronicities in my experience

Green/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Feeling more confident and sure of myself and my ideas.

Red/Orange/Yellow.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

More effortless balance of effort and surrender… work and rest… middle way is seen to be a fluctuating and evolving balance that can only be followed via sensitivity to the needs and demands of each passing moment.

Yellow/Turquoise.

 

On 10/11/2022 at 10:11 PM, Adam M said:

Upgrading my teaching-style to be more about 'embodiment'

100% Green.

 

To be sure you're not suffering from self-deception, really consider if culture, awareness of spiritual ideas / Actualized.org, and a comfortable upbringing might've had an impact on your beliefs and attitudes.  Also if the fact you're a feeler might've made you feel more spiritual and detached from intellectual pursuits or your male peers.

If you're a male Fe1 (an ENFJ), and if many of your friends are female, then I'd immediately throw out any idea of being Tier 2.  Otherwise, 90% of all weed-smoking middle-class feelers would have to be considered at the top <0.1% of human development.

Every "sensitive" Orange/Green who's aware of spirituality sees themselves as Turquoise, as they resonate with the general ideas.  But few actually ever recall having been Red, Orange, Green, or Yellow.  They claim to have been Yellow, yet have zero interest or knowledge about models.  And if you asked when they stopped being Green / into spirituality, they wouldn't know what to say as they see no difference between Green and Turquoise.

Edited November 23, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Adam M]

@thisintegrated Thanks for taking the time to point out my potential blind spots. 

I do believe that my 'center of gravity' is definitely solid Yellow... with peaks of Turquoise.

My myers-briggs is ENTP. I have a very dominant Ti. My 3rd function would be Fe so perhaps that's why you're getting the ENFJ vibes.

I would like to say that I am VERY careful about discerning between Green and Turquoise... I've noticed that Green often likes to fancy itself Turquoise. 

I get how my original post would just appear to be Green thinking that it's Turquoise... but what's interesting is that I'm usually a very active "model-builder" and have already spent over 5 years just endlessly contemplating many of these interesting personal development models.

I would say that when I originally wrote this post... I was definitely peaking into Turquoise... although I still feel rather solid Yellow.

Although I've already done lots of work integrating Orange and Green... it's definitely something that seems to be an on-going process... 

Eventually, I can imagine that all of these "stages" become balanced in a very effortless and harmonious way... as one masters them.

[tuckerwphotography]

@Adam M Hey Adam, if you'd like, I can offer you a free (though very much unofficial) ego development test based off the sentence completion test given by Susanne Cook-Greuter's model as well as STAGES International, which is what I'm more versed in. I could give you a fairly accurate reading of what you're center of gravity is, and if you're like me, it may be helpful in seeing how you map out over 36 sentence stems. Let me know if you're interested.

[BlessedLion]

I resonate with a lot of your experiences and post, thanks for sharing in such detail. 

[ThePoint]

Hey, thanks for sharing your experience. 

What are the most important actions and activities you did to get yourself to this point? 

[Arje]

On 11.11.2022 at 0:11 AM, Adam M said:

Getting 'messages from the universe' on a daily basis so frequently that it's not even a surprise for me anymore… it's totally natural.

Lol, a few weeks ago I was at the nightclub getting wasted and chatting around with people when I noticed this massive LED-sign saying "IT WAS ALL A DREAM"